A dangerous mindset

Loving someone who you don't know how much of themselves they can give to you is a very dangerous venture. Sometimes you think it's because they don't have and maybe if they do, they would've known how to give. But generosity isn't only in material resources. It can also come in ideas, time and support.

I've been thinking about trying out dating again after a long time staying away but several things keep discouraging me.

I'll share a recent experience with you.

One was a friend for many years and I felt since this one was already in my life, it would be easy to do the conversion without much stress. All I had to do was to bring her closer and perhaps warm up to her more.

I can be generous to a fault with my resources, time and ideas. When it comes to giving to someone I love or have feelings for, I rarely hold back. So she got the best of my time, attention and resources whenever and however she wanted.

But I was careful not to define things or give any tags, because she didn't have a job then and wasn't earning. That was always her excuse whenever I needed her to do any little thing and she demands I provided the money for it. I was helping her to put in applications and I was hopeful she would get one.

Lucky for her or us, she got a well paying job. I was really happy and used my own money to celebrate it for her...LOL!

After three months on the new job, she called me up and said we were going to dinner to celebrate and she was going to foot the bill. I was so excited. It was the first time she would spend her money on me in nearly a decade.

I wanted to have some cash and drop my ATM card at home, but something nudged me to just take my card. For no reason actually.

After dinner and the bill came, she said she wanted to transfer the money to my account so I could pay, because she didn't want it to seem like a lady was paying for dinner while she's out with a man.

I told her the Son of Nebu doesn't care and it was okay. I mean I've gone out with female colleagues in the past and they paid so it was no big deal.

When she insisted, I gave her my account number and the transfer never went through. She kept complaining about issues with her app or network at the place. To save time, I told her I would pay and she promised to stop at the ATM on her way and refund the money.

I paid for the meal and till now I am writing this piece, she never gave me a penny. One day I jokingly asked her about it and she laughed it off.

I slowly distanced myself from her and we became casual friends again. She complained about my "social distancing" and turning off my "green light" but I just laughed it off like she often does.

I discovered her problem was not having money but with generosity. She finds it really hard to be generous with anything and even if you point it out, she will say, "I am a lady and I deserve everything... "

A very dangerous mindset.

This is why I try to see people at their low and high points in life before I commit to any serious engagement with them that would be long term.

Many people who tell you they will become generous when they have more money will never do that. Generosity isn't always about money. This is true. Ideas and time are part of it. I often ask for ideas in running some of my ventures but she never offers any ideas. But would be the first to enjoy the proceeds.

For the first time in a long time, I removed her from my list of friends I give gifts at Christmas and I felt bad. But I am glad I was able to see her when money started coming in and to finally realize the problem wasn't money but her mindset.

Here's a lesson worth sharing with your friends and loved ones today; you don't need to have the whole world in order to give.