Love needs communication

[October 11,2021|Monday]

Hello fellow readers, I just want to thank those who commented and upvoted my privious article. Since I haven't written an article today, I decided to published my last fictional story.

"I'm waiting you here at the restaurant, Casper."

Unti-unti akong nakaramdam ng panghahapdi sa dibdib nang mabasa ang message ni Veronica sa boyfriend ko.

This is not the first time she sent a message like this to Casper. Yes, she's the bestfriend of my boyfriend and I should not put a malice between them, but whenever they are both meeting each other without my consent is something that I could no longer take.

Nang matapos magbihis ni Casper ay agad kong binitawan ang phone niya at inilagay sa tamang pwesto nito.

"Hey, babe. What's wrong? Parang nakakita ka yata ng multo diyan sa mukha mo," Casper mumbled as soon as he approached me.

I had so many weapons of words to throw at him but my mouth was shut tight, words dissolved in my tongue.

"Saan nga pala ang punta mo, babe?" are the only words I managed to utter.

Please tell me the truth, Casper. Just the truth.

"Pinatawag kami ng manager ko babe, e. May urgent meeting daw."

And he lied.

He just freaking lied on me, giving me signals that there's really something wrong with him.

But instead of confronting him, I just heaved a sigh while trying to recollect my shattered self.

"Ingat ka sa trabaho mo babe ha? I love you," I whispered.

Nang makaalis siya ay tuluyan na akong nanghina. I want to scream out all the pain inside of me pero hindi ko magawa.

Gusto kong manumbat pero sa huli ay napupunta sa hindi ko kaya.

This is the thing I'm really good at. I'm hiding my pain. I'm hiding what's inside my heart. I'm good at keeping secrets that led me into destruction.

God, Casper is my boyfriend for five years already and he's been there for me through my ups and my lowest times. My world only revolves at him and the thought of him cheating on me is really depressing.

"I love you, babe," Casper whispered casually when we got into bed.

Tinugunan ko lamang siya ng mapaklang ngiti.

Hindi ba niya ramdam na nagtatampo ako o sadyang magaling lang akong magtago ng nararamdaman ko?

"May surprise pala ako sa 'yo next week, babe," he whispered giddily.

But I lost my interest at everything.

"I love you so much, babe," Casper said again those precious words and hugged me.

Napabuga na lamang ako ng malalim na hininga habang nakatingin sa natutulog na maamong mukha ni Casper.

"You keep on telling me that you love me, but your actions fails you," I whispered when he fell asleep.

More days have passed and Casper continued meeting up with Veronica, an enough signal that he's really cheating on me. But instead of addressing the issue, I ignored all of those red flags.

Each day, I could smell a stink in his words, I felt a twist at his promises, I sensed a secret the way he avoided my eyes. I could feel that a part of him has always been isolated like there's a restriction that I wasn't allowed to step foot.

He's no longer the man I used to know.

Patuloy pa rin siyang nakikipagkita kay Veronica pero wala akong lakas na tanungin siya kung ano ba talaga ang dahilan ba't sila nagkikita.

Instead of giving me love, Casper is sending me poisonous gestures. Kung dati ay panatag ako sa kaniya but now, he's giving me so much chaos in my mind and in my heart.

That's why even if my heart doesn't want to cooperate, I forced myself to leave.

I left him and let him go for I know my worth. Ayokong niloloko ako.

For freaking five years, I left him with no explanations.

And now that it's been three years since I parted my ways, Casper contacted me, messaging me to meet at our favorite coffee shop.

There I saw him sitting on our favorite corner of the area. As soon as the cold wind brushed through my skin and as the smell of his favorite perfume got into my senses, I remembered him. I remembered everything, but there's a missing piece in that memory. And that missing piece will never be found again.

"Why did you leave me instead of pointing out our problems, babe?" panimula ni Casper.

My heart constricted in pain with his question. I sat still on my chair, barely able to move and to breathe.

"I-I'm sorr—"

"Did I confuse you with my actions before, Chels?" he asked.

I thought I finally moved on but when his cold eyes landed on me, my heart swelled in pain.

I swallowed hard before I spoke. "Yes, you made me overthink with your actions, Casper. I'm sorry if I don't have the courage to tell you that. I'm sorry if I'm just hiding my feelings and silently enduring my pain instead of telling it to you. I'm sorry if I didn't say anything when I was jealous. I'm sorry for concealing everything."

"You got jealous because of Veronica?" he asked unbelievably and right after that, he bowed his head.

"Maybe it's all my fault why we ended up like this, Chels. Kasalanan ko kung bakit ka nag overthink. Kasalanan ko kung bakit hindi ka naging panatag sa akin. Sana pala ay sinabi ko na lang sa 'yo 'yong plano ko..." he trailed.

"Do you remember the surprise that I told you before? I was planning to marry you, Chels. And I asked for help to Veronica pero hindi ko akalain na maging ganito ang kalalabasan..."

Tuluyan na akong napaluha sa nalaman ko. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin at sasabihin.

"If only we had a proper communication, maybe we shouldn't end up like this. Nagsikreto ako kaya pinagdudahan mo ako. It's entirely my fault Chels. But I want to win you back again. I want to continue marrying you, Chelsea Montero," he said sincerely.

And there, I cried. I cried so much. Parang anytime ay kakapusin ako ng hininga. This is precisely why we met today— for him to win me back again and to have a brand new start.

Upon reaching home, I immediately broke into tears of joy and pain. All those years of questioning myself why Casper was meeting Veronica has now ended. I sighed a breath of relief.

But at the same time, I felt a pang of pain and a sense of regret in my chest. I badly wanted to say yes to him but he's already a year late. Because I'm already married to someone else.

-Thanks for reading

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