Bad Habits

I always believe in this famous mantra, "Never put off until tomorrow, what can be done today."

I admit that I am just a believer without an action. When I have a task to do, I always tend to be lazy or delay it a little bit especially if I'm not that interested.

I do other things that aren't important that make use of my time until there is no left time for me to do the things I should have done. Then I slowly pull myself to work on it to meet an agreed schedule.

But when I start doing it, there's no stopping me to complete it. I often try to give my best. I hate cramming my work because it doesn't give any good output but the fact that I always do my tasks very late, sometimes I do it really quickly but I still manage to be careful and be creative with my work.

It's the same as when I write. I write best when I'm very sad or up in the clouds shouting for joy. The theme depends on my emotions. I could even relate myself to scenarios I've never been to and I'll try to make a story out of it.

There's no middle ground. I don't force myself to write when I don't feel like it, but when my mind overtakes and controls my hands, there's no stopping me too to complete my craft.

It's just annoying to think to waste a day without having a composition. I have been writing essays and short stories for a long time but I can't seem to have consistency on it because of my bad habits.

Maybe it's my personality that really plays a big part in why I tend to hurt and be annoyed with myself more.

Because I've adopted this habit when I like someone. And no one is an exception. I've always wanted to take it slow from the start but once I fell in love, there's no middle ground.

I give everything from—time, attention, and affection. Just like what I gave to the last person I fell in love with. Honesty and respect are not some things to be asked for, for I'm giving all unselfishly, trusting that I'll get the same in return. I'm being generous and considerate when it comes to the people I love.

So when I come undone because of the tedious setbacks and then serious long consolation, I'm always the one to break easily. It's always the heart that feels the heartbreak when it was our brain that does all the decisions. It's too fragile to break but we are all destined to break someone or be broken by someone. I don't know which is much hurtful.

I'm always the one who's badly hurt after the break up just like how I'm supposed to feel right now. I'm always the one who chases and still traces too far gone shadows and it never gets easier. I will always be the one chasing after every memory that's been left. I always think of the two ghosts casually sitting on a bench with hearts as one.

I'm always the one who longs for another try, even if it is clear to me that someone had finally said goodbye. I always represent goodbyes to sunsets. I don't want to think that every ending is sad, it should be perfect, golden, and magical. If something ends, probably there'll be another good thing that will come.

If these bad habits, make people tend to hardly stay by my side, then how much pain I need to endure since I can't lose these bad habits.