An open letter to my first love

We were just kids when I first saw you. It's so funny to think, how did I end up liking you when I hate you when we were in 3rd grade. You're just a grubby boy in the corner who always tease me when you're bored. I always end up crying and thinking of the ways I could do to get even. Little did we know, all our picking fights, arguments, and small conversations made me fell for someone like you at an early age. You were the first crush that I had in my life. I never told anyone as I was so uncontrolled of my feelings. I didn't want it to go deeper.

Fast forward, we're still classmates in high school. We both focused on our academics, but my feelings are still the same. There are times I try to check you out and smile out of nowhere. I was so happy to see your glow up, from a grubby boy to a fine young man. A lot of girls in our school have a crush on you, so I can't deny the fact that I get jealous every time you get so nice to other girls because you never treated me nicely. We barely talk at school because I feel so awkward when you're around. There's this one time, we're having an activity where you rebuked my hypothesis and prove to everybody that I was wrong. You tested my patience that time. I was embarrassed but I acted like it was just a small mistake but deep inside I want to choke you until you run out of breath. I realized then, I don't like you anymore.

We go back from being mortal enemies. We became each other's bullies. I had another crush but this time, everybody knows about it. There's not a day that we will not argue, even just over simple things. I couldn't have time to think about my crush, because you keep on bothering me. Until one day, you confessed that you liked me. I can hardly believe it thinking that it could just be one of your stupid pranks. But you said, it's for real. You said you liked me the first time you laid your eyes on me and I believe that was in 3rd grade. I don't know what to do. What if you're just trying to get even? But, you prove it all true. I saw your sincerity, we became close, close enough like lovers but without labels. I still have the ripped of papers where you write your first "I love you". That was the best feeling I ever had in my life. It was euphoria, I don't want the feeling to last. But, we're still in the middle class. I promised my parents not to get a boyfriend until I finish high school, so I stood you up in our rendezvous. You waited there for hours until the night but I never came. I cried a lot that night. I'm getting used to our usual bickering over random things but after what I did to you, we never talk again.

College, the most exciting part of my life. After we graduated high school, I moved on from you, even though I couldn't forget how dashing you look in your black suit during the senior's ball and I couldn't forget how broken my heart was when I saw you asking one of our classmates, who has a crush on you, for a dance. I saw how tight your grip in her curvy hips. You both look so good while dancing sweetly. I went home and I cried the whole night. I finally decided to start dating. In my three years in college, I had a few relationships but they never lasted. It wasn't them but me. Famous line. So, I focused on my studies, I got busy working on my thesis because it's one year to go and it's Graduation!

Ting! I could never forget the notification sound on my phone when I receive a chat from you. I was flabbergasted. Like is this for real? Hi! That's what you said. And by that, we started talking again. There are times you call me telling me that you miss me. You tell me stories that happen in your school and I also tell you mine, but we never talked about the past.

Until we decided to put a label on our relationship. So, after almost 11 years of an ill-fated relationship, we finally became lovers. That was on the 19th night of May. I couldn't forget the night we first kissed, the feeling was so ecstatic. You loved me and I loved you. Who would've thought that would be our last kiss?

After graduation, I went on a trip with my brother and dad. It's for my graduation treat to spend a week in my grandparents' hometown. At first, we talk on the phone most of the time, until you became so cold. I wondered what's got into you, we're not together for a month yet but I feel like we're almost drifting apart.

On the 9th of June, many memorable things happened. My cousins treat us to a fair where two of my favorite bands, 'Silent Sanctuary and December Avenue' will play. I was enjoying the song 'Kung 'Di rin lang Ikaw' played by December Avenue. Ting! there goes my notification bell again. 'Let's break up, Fyang. I'm sorry!' Mic drop! I did not ask you why? You said you realized you're not ready yet. I wanted to tell you that neither was I ready but I took the risk. But, I don't dare to say. Before it's too late I volunteered to take a step away. I know one word would make me go rushing back to you.

So I closed my eyes and absorbed everything that you're no longer mine.

How do you go from making me your home and then just letting me go?

Now that we've grown apart from each other, today marks the 2nd year of our supposed to be a love story, which we both ended so early. I hope you're happy now with someone. I heard she's pretty and incredible. Everything about is still in my memory. I was not able to Thank you for letting me realize my worth, for everything, and for all the times you made me the happiest. I will always keep you like an untold story in the past. I will never forget you, Ace.