Huhu, I am having a toothache!
I’ve been a ‘walang pakialam’ before. When someone had toothache, I didn’t really care to sympathize in their pain. I thought the pain was just mild. But it’s not! It’s not! Swear!
And right now I am having a tootache. Huhuhuhu! I am pained while typing. I feel that the veins around my jaw are burning. It’s like everything in my mouth is inflamed.
I enjoyed eating a while ago and I brushed my teeth. Now my teeth’s acting up. I am steadying my head so it won’t ache further. I wonder how long this will last. Probably when I sleep, the pain will be forgotten. Or maybe I won’t be able to sleep at all. Huhuhu. It is so painful!
So this is how toothache is. I think I also want to put that white something that they put over the chin or cheeks when someone’s having a toothache. Do we call it salonpas? I will send my son to buy it for me. We don’t have something like that here at home. I hope the nearby store has it.
I’m not sure how long I will hold out but this I must write in memory of how I judged people before who were having toothache. They say it is worse than headache. I say headache or toothache I don’t want any. It’s best not to have these ache aches.
When this toothache subsides, I will go to the dentist to have it removed. One tooth to be removed from my complete set. No more holding on to this tooth that has decayed. Tooth decay! So this is it.
Honestly, I never imagined myself to be having toothache ever. This is my first time. Huhu.
Here is the lesson, sometimes, we only get to sympathize when we have had an experience on something. Take toothache for example. If I didn’t experience this, then I will never know what toothache felt.
But we don’t have to experience everything in order to be able to sympathize. Let’s take the word or words of the experienced ones. Whatever experience that is.
In life, we should take the wordsof the wise. Especially when we are trying things out. Let’s heed their words. We don’t need to experience things in order to believe. Otherwise, we’re like additional samples to statistical studies.
My older sister has always had toothache before. Also some of my friends and classmates. And whenever they feel toothache, they’d be like halted from everything that they usually do. And I just keep quiet and wonder how toothache is.
I was one of the kids back then who weren’t able to eat much chocolate and even though my mother wasn’t particular with brushing teeth, I was lucky I didn’t get to experience any toothache. The worst I’ve always experienced was tonsillitis and frequent feet injuries. But toothache? Never.
I always hear that we only get to let teeth be removed after the pain has subsided. I guess I have to wait for the pain to subside. Tomorrow! I will go to the dentist tomorrow. If not, the soonest possible time I could go.
I have to have regular dentist checkups from here on. I don’t ever want to experience toothache ever again.
Toothache, I realized, is a very lonely journey. You have to experience the pain alone until it subsides.
But what’s good anyhow is that, at least it doesn’t affect the hands that type and the mind that thinks of things to write about.
I think the cause of this toothache of mine is the small opening that was present at first to one of my lower molars. I ignored it since I didn’t believe I will ever have toothache. Little did I know that it will come to this point. If I promptly let the dentist fix this, then I didn’t have to sit here thinking about those classmates and friends who’ve had toothaches before.
Just a reminder I suppose that prevention is better than cure. My jaw and the veins inside my mouth is throbbing like crazy. C’mon, that was just a single tooth but it affected all its surroundings.
I hope I won’t ever demand mefenamic later on. It’s risky taking a lot of anti-inflammatory medicines. But if I won’t be able to take it anymore, I have to try medicine.
That’s it for today as I don’t think I will be able to hold out any longer. I need to sleep and rest this pain hoping it will get better the time that I wake up this morning.
ClipClaps (Laughs)
Yes, I have been playing this app for more than a year now. Haha. If you’re curious about it, you may check it out on Google play. Just search for ClipClaps.
I initially got hooked by the earnings that I could get from the app. I have cashed out twice: first was 0.10 credited to my PayPal account (another haha) then the second was loaded to my mobile phone around 11 dollars, roughly 400 pesos.
Despite the very low earnings compared to this platform, I still stayed with this app probably because of the entertainment value I got from it. And yes, no matter how little the earnings maybe, those are still earnings compared to playing something that does not pay at all.
A while ago, my child played it before succumbing to sleep. I had to let the child play with it for a while. So that at the same time I can finish what I should finish. I have a deadline. Tomorrow is the deadline.
I realized that even if there were no earnings from the app, I would still play it. In that app, funny videos are continually being uploaded. Then there are games, and spins and many more. You can earn from referrals and there are many ways to earn. But you shouldn’t go there with the objective of earning. You will just lose your data overtime. I go there now to be entertained.
It’s still way better doing productive stuffs than setting your goal to earn on ClipClaps. Again, I just go there now to play. There is a minimum threshold before you are able to cash out. Say 10 to 15 dollars. And it will take 6 to 1 year before you will be able to cash that out.
By the way, I am not being paid or what for writing about this. I am just sharing my personal experience. I do not know with the other users of ClipClaps but for me this is how I feel about the app. Although I have to admit that what brought me in that app is its money-earning feature. As soon as I realized that I incur higher cost compared to my earnings, I uninstalled it. But I find installing it again and playing it. I then thought of writing about it.
At the moment, I have earned another total of 7.36 dollars. I really don’t know when I will be able to cash out but I bet it will not be within this year. Besides, I don’t play it like always anymore. I only play it when I have nothing to do. But writing has been occupying most of my time and also school and grad works so I really have very few minutes to spare for it during the day.
My children finds the app interesting so they also play with it. I just remind them to not blow up the money because no matter, time and resources have been spent there in order to earn that amount. There are options of buying some coins and other things but I don’t see any reason for me to be buying those. It’s quite a risk doing that. So I tell my children not to waste the dollars. Gladly, they abide by my words.
I plan to keep it. It’s okay if it gets uninstalled. When it is reinstalled one may just get back to where she started by simply logging in to the app thru either facebook, mobile number, or email. Just be careful to remember which log in credentials you first used to avoid having multiple accounts. That’s a no no no. there was a time that I accidentally logged in my other facebook account. I had to log it out to be safe. It was unintentional. I just didn’t expect that it would automatically copy the logged in facebook. I thought it would ask. Now I think you have to type your log in credentials because good thing it is not automatic anymore.
One more thing is that I guess it is worth writing about this app because it is the only app that I kept for so long. I uninstalled Candy Crash, Puzzle games, etc. This was the only app that remained. Installed, uninstalled, reinstalled. Hoping that someday they will at least increase earnings. But money earned no matter how small will still be money. But again, don’t play the app if you’re after the money. Play it if you enjoy it. Like I do.
Once I caught a fish alive
No, I never caught a fish alive. But I caught someone cheating. I caught students cheating. I caught someone cheating. Cheating in an exam. Cheating in a relationship. Cheating just so one can get by. How did that make you feel? How did it make others feel?
In my class during quizzes, I had my antenna raised up and I had to glare at everyone when at least one student cheats. It affected the whole classroom. I had to do my job and I brought out a suspicious aura that made everyone uncomfortable.
That’s what cheating do. It’s hateful and puts everyone around being suspected of the same thing.
You know what, in the morning during examination days, I would always tell myself that I will keep my cool. But when I see students trying all their might to cheat, I become ugly. I memorize not only their names but their faces and strand or course. It was rather difficult to forgive students who cheat.
During discussions, I encourage them to ask questions however trivial their questions maybe. And that they study hard so that when examinations come, they wouldn’t resort to that despicable act of cheating! They can do better than that. If you were not able to study, be fair. Accept that you were not able to study and you can always ask consideration from your teacher/s. But you aren’t in any way allowed to turn to cheating.
I always tell my students that when they cheat, they become blacklisted not necessarily on record but on my mind. I would do everything to make them fail. I do give second chances. As long as they learn their lesson, I will forgive them. But the damage has already been done. It’s hard to like them again. Cheating is an act of disobedience to me as their teacher because in the very first place, I told them not to cheat. So there, disobedience apart from cheating.
But it hit me, how am I different from these students who cheat? Do I have a clean conscience when it came to cheating? Should we judge them for their behavior?
While it is true that they committed the gravest mistake, it is also wrong to judge them right there and then. They just attempted to do something in order to pass the subject. What is then our role as educators? It is to teach them whatever we can. We teach them that cheating is somehow unforgivable. I believe that it is one of the acts that cannot be condoned by others. If their families hadn’t had the chance to teach them, let us assume our roles and teach them what needs to be taught. At the same time checking upon ourselves not to be hypocrites!
On the other hand, in writing, we have to always see to it that we do not just copy something. We have to attribute it to other authors who wrote it. Otherwise, we might be facing unnecessary disruptions with our life. Just that one line will be enough for us to face long-term problems. Therefore, it is very advisable to never cheat.
Issues about plagiarism have been raised by users here. It’s very rampant and those who plagiarize do not seem to care about the effects of what they’re doing. They copy somewhere and claim that it is theirs. Which is despicable!
The efforts and time spent by the original author just to come up with something. Then another simply copies it! That’s preposterous! Why don’t you just go farm the land that your father gave you? You’re even lucky you’ve inherited a piece of land where you could grow crops and live off for the many years of your life.
If you have the nerve to copy others’ works, then you do not have the qualification to be here. Anybody would see that you are a copier. What are you? A Xerox copier? Machines do that. You have better work to do.
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Anyway, this is in participation for the word prompt that a writer here have started. I noticed that many were writing about cheating so I participated as well.
For the others who wish to join the writing prompt the rules are as follows…
Write about **cheating**
Write 100% **original** content
Write at least **600** words
**Tag** @JonicaBradley https://read.cash/@JonicaBradley
Have **fun**
I can’t put my bag down
Onlookers might think that I have something very valuable in my bag. Yes. They’re right. I have MANY valuable things in my bag. Notebooks, ballpens, wallet, small bags, papers, puller, nipper, nail polish, cutter, pusher, lipstick (of course), ID’s, napkin, and so many more things.
When I was in college, I would put everything on my bag, the books, the things needed in school. When someone tries to carry my bag for me, they just gave up. *It’s heavy!* My sister would get irritated by this. *Honestly!* She would say. Then my friends as well. *Seriously?!!!*
But then when need arises, they come to me and get what they need. I also am not fond of putting my bag down. For some reason, I just can’t put it down. But when asked about something, I would give. Sometimes, I retrieve my things if they don’t have the heart to return. Sometimes I forget to retrieve what they got from me. I would just then replenish it.
Maybe, I could use this as an analogy to my personality. No matter how talkative I am, I always filter what I say. This kind of playing safe sometimes get dangerous. But I wouldn’t want to talk about why in here.
The moment I leave my bag and go to town, I would feel very different. It seems as if I have left everything including my soul. The reason why I can’t leave my bag maybe is I wanted to always have everything ready when I needed them. Like my ID, my wallet, my whatever.
My sister on the other hand would manage with just a small pouch and money folded inside her phone’s casing. I wonder why she doesn’t carry anything more. She wonders why I carry so much more than needed. *Just in case…* I would respond. *Okay then…*
The problem was that I always get achy arms and shoulders. *That’s what you get..* Well, it’s what I got!!! I would retort! I really can’t put my bag down. And nobody touches my bag except for RenLeaf.
There was a time in college when we went to an old caretaker. She glared at me, “What’s your problem? Do you have gold in there? Are we thieves?”
I did not get offended since she was a joker. She speaks seriously but she’s humorous. My group laughed hard and they teased me forever. I put down my bag but I keep glancing at it. really, I can’t risk losing anything. I have no money in my bag but everything is valuable. They’re sentimental. I forgot what happened in the end but I bet I wasn’t comfortable during the whole duration of our stay there. Probably because my bag wasn’t near me.
I remember also the time when we went faraway for National Youth Day. During the travel going home. I put my bag down on my seat. When we arrived, I totally forgot about the bag and I lost two CD’s and I things I forgot what. Those CD’s contain Christian songs that we would be dancing into when we arrive home. I talked with someone to follow it up but it was lost. No one bothered to give it back to me. After that, I started using sling bags just so I wouldn’t put anything down.
When we visited the barrios with the priest, I always carry my black sling bag and never put it down. Inside were hair gel and pomade. Because my hair then was short. I had to fix it always. I felt reluctant donating it to my cousin who attended to us because she gave a lot of reason so that I would give mercy to her. She won.
Now, I still am that person who keeps her bag close by. Even at this moment, I have my bag near me. I would open it from time to time to plan in my black planner. Crumpled planner. Just two weeks ago, I had to change bag because my daughter spilled her milo beverage on my bag. I switched to the big pink bag. I had to reorganize so that the one near my body when carrying the bag would be notebook in vertical position. Next would be the stack of papers that I use for my math solutions when needed. Then next would be small bags then my wallet. So there is my heavy big bag.
I’m not sure when I will finally sort this thing out. What’s sure is I will always be putting my bag close by whenever.
Move on! Just move on!
When someone throws you away from their premises, accept the situation, go your way and don’t look back. You will just get hurt even more. If they did that, it means you are not welcome into their systems and forcing yourself into their lives will just be a waste of time.
Don’t invest your emotion trying to win them back. Don’t put on the clothes of a fool and do things that may please them. Unless they are your family, you are not obliged to get yourself be associated with them again. In time, things will unfold as it should. Until then, don’t forge your way to them. Forging your way will just let you down. It’s not guaranteed that you’ll get accepted.
The world is big. Time maybe perennial but you’re time is not. So go around and grab what you can. Do your best. Read your favorite books. Learn from experts. Improve yourself. Don’t dwell on negativities. Do your thing and do what is proper. Do what should be done. Check yourself from time to time but always be forgiving.
There is nothing good coming out from being too hard on oneself. So don’t scold yourself too much. Move on and shine like before! Don’t belittle yourself. It should be the opposite. Offer consolation to yourself by tapping your shoulders and saying you did well. And do well. Do well.
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I am writing this for the sake of my friends who have experienced bitter realities. They’ve been rejected but still trying their best to somehow win the souls that aren’t giving them chances.
I’m hurt that others are just doing what they do without serious regard or consideration to others’ feelings. If only they get to experience as well. I bet they’ll be so much guilty they will cry.
Let us be kind to one another. You are not in a position to hurt and oppress others. That is not your job. Our job is to contribute to this world’s peace and love. If you were to spread hate and ______ to the ecosystem, I wonder what your world be like in the next years. Be careful and care for others as well.
You may be right but you can’t just hurt others the way you do. I am beginning to understand that somehow, intelligence is different from wisdom. If you are wise, you should use your intelligence. Don’t be a fool. Realize that the world is round and the time is unlimited. Don’t put yourself at a disadvantage by crossing everyone you meet.
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But ooops! Gotta get over that sometimes… Don’t mind others who belittle you. They’re belittling themselves the moment they find better people than they. If that’s their mindset, then there will always be self-pity in them in the long-run because comparing two people is never healthy.
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On another note, I think I am still not ready trying out writing some stories. Wait until vacation and I may start. Similar incidents happening in real life will be my approach. It will be another way to practice describing real-life events.
The thing happening to my friends will be a good topic to ponder on. Something depicting our day to day lives will be good stories. Hoping I could integrate something creative to make it more insightful. I will write similar to real life stories but I will try to make some alterations so it will resemble the most ideal solutions to problems. Life is trial and error. In relation to this, my journey will be a trial and error. There will be times I will feel that I am silly. But at other times I will feel that I am just doing something productive. Again, writing is a form of practice and if we do not upgrade, no significant improvement will be seen. And you know, those people who belittle others would feed their ugly soul with such sight.
I think that after my master’s, I will try to finally enroll in formal setting about literature. It was one of my dreams before but others would mock me. Haha. Well, action speaks louder, I guess. A plan is just a plan if not implemented so we’ll have to see…
Louder!!!
Thank you, Lord, for the deliverance.
May I just express my gratitude? Even without mentioning the exact reason why I am grateful?
Today, I wanted to shout my gratitude to the Lord. Thank you, Lord! You helped me out. You gave what I needed. You heard my bold prayer! Thank you, oh God!
I deem it foolish when I won’t give thanks! So let me write about it here. Even just an article. I devote this to my thanksgiving. Just a minimum of 750 words would do. I won’t even drag it longer.
There are times when we are overwhelmed by sadness, depression, problems, struggles, and so on. We seem to always forget whom to run to in times of distress.
Last night, I was rather desperate. I needed emotional help. I needed things which will lift me up. I decided to recite my prayer. I know I am very undeserving for such help but I needed the help anyway so I took advantage of all his grace and mercy.
I boldly asked what I wanted! He gave it to me! I am very thankful. At the same time, I closed my eyes and promised myself to do better while I can. There is no bargaining with Him. We have to trust Him 100%. Personally, I always have to shake myself in order to realize that I have a lot of doubts which should not be.
I am given many chances. I should not be wasting such chances. I should always do what’s right for myself and my family. For us to become prosperous. Not really that rich but at least we would have enough to eat and that we wouldn’t be asking for loans when we need to be hospitalized or when we pay tuition fees.
A while ago, I gave out a silent prayer. I am very much thankful for this day. I have to see to it that this will not just be temporary. If possible, I already want to live my life like I wanted to. Writing, doing house chores, going to academic sites every now and then but without the pressures of deadlines and nagging teachers (like me).
Allow me to just say thank you very much. No one can match Your generosity when You give. I should memorize these moments in my heart, in my brain, in my soul. That once in a while we get to experience His grace and mercy.
I am forever thankful! Please don’t ever forsake me. Because of my foolishness. Because of my stupidity. Always be with me forever!
There were days when I just wanted to spend in prayer. It is much better talking to Him than talking to human. We have limited understanding of the heart of another and so it is much better sometimes to just talk to Him. I kept praying last night. I thing I only had an hour of full sleep then the rest were very light sleep. I should keep praying then not only during crisis but every day of my whole life.
I wonder what the secret of good people. It should be that they are very much devoted to their prayer life. It is best to follow in their examples.
I always forget to have quiet time in the morning. Brought by the realities of life, I don’t push with my self-promise to always have a few minutes upon waking to communicate to Him.
I will try again tomorrow. Try and try until I succeed. If this act could help me in the long run, why not be consistent? Besides, it is up to us to search for enlightenment. We have the will to will it if we really wanted to.
It’s been a hard month. But not too hard because He’s been there. What’s making it hard was my previous mistakes. What’s making it bearable is His interference. I want to say it louder, thank you!!!
For everything, let’s be grateful. Even for that small act of kindness of another to give favor for us, let us be grateful.
I am grateful that I am here and I could type peacefully. I am grateful that there are no shootings or whatever that I see on the tv. Oh please, help them there!
I am grateful that I have access to these things I have now. I am grateful that I have the energy till now to write this post.
I am grateful that even for my silly posts, I am getting a good amount of upvotes from the rewarder. Most of all, I am grateful because I am grateful!
Rain and reign on me!
Patience, virtues, good moods, do rain on me. Rain and reign on me. For I need you so so much! Without virtues, I might not be able to fulfill my role as a mother. How sad would that be?
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To be a mother means that we take care of the family. Our main role is to be the light. We should always be charged up properly in order to continually produce light for the family. When the light goes off, the family will go into darkness.
I was touched by something a while ago. I’m not sure what article I have read but what went into me is the role that a mother should assume. And a mother is to be the light for the family.
I am guilty quite often when I lead the family to darkness. When I am consumed by my problems and struggles. Those significantly affect me enough to turn my bulb off. Terrible terrible.
I am at the same time grateful that RenLeaf, my first child, automatically shifts his gear when he sees me in brownout. He would whine like any kid but he is also responsible enough to touch my heart that I would as well check on myself and be repaired back to light.
Which leads me to pray that may patience rain and reign on every mother here on earth. If at all possible. May mothers continually produce light for the family. Patience. Perseverance. Nobleness.
It is a constant challenge to be able to produce a good quality. But whatever the circumstances, anything as long as it is light will do. This is my struggle as a woman. I have sons and a daughter. It is my wish for these kids to grow up healthy and wise. Any parent would want that. And the role of a mother is vital. We, mothers, would even take on the role of a provider in the event that the father is not around, deceased or has abandoned the family. Also, fathers, when they assume the role of mothers should also produce light for the family in the event that mothers are not around, deceased or has abandoned the family.
I sometimes wonder how strong I could hold on even though I am always crying. In the end I believe I am more resilient than my husband. It is nature’s gift so that we continue to guide the family. The role of our spouses will be to provide so as long as a responsible father is present, we take seriously our role. In my case where I juggle between studies, teaching responsibilities, and house chores, I should all the more plan my way to success of giving light for my family. If these becomes our excuse not to produce light, then it might be better that we hire helpers just so we won’t be leaving the family in a devastated state. The helper will help us with whatever there is to help with so that we may be able to still be sound at the end of the day and we won’t be super tired with everything. With that, we won’t have our bulb broken or shut down.
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Things as always are easier said than done. At the very least, I am grateful that no matter how terrible I become, I still realize my mistake and would go to lengths to repair whatever has been damaged. Things may stay broken for a long time but I still try to mend whatever. While there is chance for improvement of relationships I would try after my emotions have stabilized.
My mouth is my greatest slipper most of the time. I would say things I have not intended to say. It would mess my family real soon. Oh my mouth! Oh my mouth! I would most of the time scold my mouth for the slips. And when I suspend my anger without channeling it to other diversions, I would explode and would even more cause damages. So it is really a challenge to maintain such role of being a light as a mother.
But hope abounds because we have our Lord whom we could call out in times of distress. May all mothers be blessed with all the virtues needed. Mabuhay!
Writing on Paper
It’s getting harder to write an article using pen and paper the more we are exposed to technology. It’s very convenient to simply use the backspace in case of typo errors. Except when I am drafting my solution for a Math problem, I prefer using the word processor when encoding articles and the like.
But at the moment, I am writing on a piece of paper. I will be transferring this content after we arrive home. We are here at my sister’s boarding house and I don’t have my laptop with me for typing. While she is teaching online, we are here on the background, silent and trying to be productive still. I was like a mouse searching for pen and paper a little while ago.
Another problem when using pen is when the pens blot. I tried around five of my sister’s pen before finally able to use a good one.
I remember the good ole days when we wrote using pen and paper. Sometimes, when writing letters, we use special pens and stationary papers.
I have a stack of letters left in my cabinet back at the province. I’m not sure what condition the stack is now. Maybe, the papers were already burned or perhaps have been at the hands of others who feasted reading them.
The letters were mostly from family members and friends. Letters I received from suitors were very much countable. But I don’t feel sad about that. I don’t care. I’m conceited anyway and I would write letters for myself if needed. Judging by the content of the letters from boys, those were probably crafted by pair or by group. Poor admirer must have had a hard time writing on his own so he must have sought help from more able friends. Not bad. But I was rarely taken by those letters because no one came close to what I wanted. I like serious and honest ones. But no one gave me that. In case there were, I must have forgotten about them. +_+
My hands are aching while writing this. I plan to transfer this one word per word when I go back home. The rain stopped now and I will be going back in a short while. My sister has already finished a 30-minute session with her student and she would transition to another in 5 minutes. While writing, I am listening to her as well. I love learning from others and I admire her skill in doing good with time management. If I were that, I would’ve worried that I will screw the flow of the lesson. When I teach, I usually prepare text, with few equations here and there, powerpoint. I am lazy putting design or whatever into the powerpoint. I don’t have the heart to do that now unlike before when I was more passionate and had only a kid. I have more kids now and time are divided for a lot of stuffs. I will get back to how it used to someday.
The tip in writing on paper is to have the right position when writing. There should also be a good surface to lay the paper so that the pen will not destroy the paper. My hands are pretty big so I choose to write on wide-sized paper like 8x11 or 8x13. The small notebooks, I only write my lists there but not paragraphs or articles. I tried doing well with some special notebook at one time and I realized it was hard trying to control how I write on the paper. I write big and messy. When needed, I have to really make an effort not to make errors. There was a time before when we have to write grades on hard copies. I was a customer of white ink. There were even no correction tape before. Just ink which made my life even more miserable. I resented those who could write neatly and legibly. But at least when it came to technology, I am not that very far behind.
But those days of manually writing grades were really remarkable because of the effort we had to give. Nowadays, we would just use excel and print things out. Our school have preformatted grading system which reduced our work significantly. We didn’t have to worry about formats or whatever. We labored more with checking papers and recording scores. When time comes, we simply upload grades into the school system using the class record system where we recorded students’ scores.
This is such a long thing to write by hand. But I still love having to do this once in a while.
So Little Time
I was overjoyed to see a manual while cleaning this morning. It was titled as Literature 2 (World Literature). I love books. You have the liberty to go back to them whenever you feel like reading or diving into them.
But lately, I just can’t find time to read. So I am tacking them neatly onto a side so I will go back to them during vacation.
There is just so little time. I have to choose what activity to do. The problem with me always is I have a lot on my list that I find it hard to finish doing everything. Room decoration (have not done such a thing), organizing things (just a little), sweeping the floor (not sure how many times), doing laundry (few times a week), etc (a little of everything).
There is just so little time. But I have learned to do things one at a time. It cannot be that we will do things at once. We just have to choose and let go of other things. Which is why I look up to those who can manage their time with their priorities.
I always believed that someday I will have the time to read. I remember that book about poetry and fiction. In the book were pieces and works of known authors. I really thought that I will have the time to read ‘someday’ and so I still have the book with me. But guess what, I still have not found the time to read it. There’s just so little time. Perhaps, I won’t ever be able to read it till I pass away.
I question myself, why can’t I dive into it? In the first place why did I not just study about literature or similar thing and had it as my major?
I was so young back then. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted. All I wanted back then was to study Mathematics and teach it and be good with my life. It would have been that smooth a career and life if not for other desires.
Now, I find myself longing for the other spices of life. But there’s just so little time and the best I can do right now is do my requirements and attend to my kids. I’m not sure anymore what versions I’ve created out of my reality. I forgot what I set as goal few weeks past. I forgot about my set goal yesterday or even what I will be doing tomorrow. What I’m sure of is that I have so little time.
I know I am being cynical and that at other times I will be a very different version of myself. But for now I am lamenting how little time I have. Or rather, I am wishing I will be just in my twenties and unmarried and I would read all the things I wanted. But I know given that time, I will just be somewhere taking coffee and eating my pizza.
To get this off my load, I will be scheduling a reading session once our vacation sets in. I think I have said another time that I will be doing house chores but this I deem important. I’ve become monotonous with my posts but this will do for now as well. Honestly, this is why I have this blog. To blog about matters that I wouldn’t be talking to my friends over and over. I hope you excuse me always.
I sometimes see myself as some empty can where outside is painted with a promise of something. Many times I would prod myself to just be realistic. So maybe I will just do what I can while I could. Starting with priorities and if this be the last thing I would do, then so be it. I have come to terms with the fact that while it’s good to have a lot of engagements, those that are worth it will do. Meantime. Wishing for luxury of time.
As soon as I have what I thought would be for leisure, I have other things like sleeping, playing with the kids, and having my nits taken out by children in the neighborhood.
Someday, amidst the ‘so little time’ cynic lamentation, I will be able to read what I’ve promised to read someday that day in the house back in the province. Where I had dreamt of poems and stories and lore and many more. Let me start with Lord of the Rings. It’s just what I am thinking right now. I will ditch things for a change.
Once in a while
Allow me first to express how thankful I am for this platform. I have earnAdded BCH thanks to it. Bonus sometimes when I get over 3 dollars.
I started over a month ago with this account and I hope to continue doing so while I still have the voice and a little courage to put my thoughts to paper.
I’ve been a fan of some authors here already. I could name a few but I better not tag them as I don’t have the liberty right now to do discuss about my readings. It will come another time.
The weather right now as of writing is fine. Such a cool sunny afternoon. We’re here at Baguio anyway, which is called the summer capital of the country.
I would play with my friends if I were a kid. I would tend to my garden if I were at another place which would allow me to. I would eat nearby the window at a café only if I were there. I could do few more things just to enjoy the afternoon sun.
I’m starting to be nostalgic despite the volume of projects that I have to finish. Research here research there, lesson plans, etc. I am not complaining because this is the life I chose. I am merely stating it. I still hope I will produce quality ones. Though I am very much dreading every activity or exam that I had to take in my grad studies. I will get by. That is the only phrase that lifts my mood up.
I went a while back to buy burger. It so happens that our neighbor store sells burgers. Delicious at that. I’m fortunate that their cooking is my type. I also got my daughter a burger and I’m glad she ate it without much complaint from her or encouragement from me. But she ate the burger starting first with the upper part of the bun then the cucumber then the patty then finally gave the remaining food to me. It’s all good. At least she at more than half of the burger.
Its almost 5 pm while I am writing this. The sun is slowly going down but the weather’s still nice. No black clouds yet. It is the third day in a row I guess that it has not rained. I tend to forget about the weather because of the hectic sched I have sometimes. But once in a while right now, I get to see my surroundings properly. Just outside our door, we have our papaya. How many more weeks will the fruit grow big for us to eat? I have not done any research yet. I bet we have to wait for months before we will be able to taste its first fruit. Our papaya meanwhile is the papaya of our neighbor.
Sometimes I wanted to do house chores but I instead find myself writing away. It’s so much better to write first when you’re in the mood.
I remember some of the articles published here lamenting about my busy schedule. I want to publish at least an article in two days. Or if I could manage at least an article in a day. Just 4-minute read per article would do. I also have to consider the curation I could get. I should be honest at least. In the end it’s somehow why we’re here for.
I remember the articles I first published. I was being silly with most of those but I am glad others are still getting value from it. Even just a reaction elicited would do.
Since I’ve made it already for over a month, I guess I could do it more for many more months as long as this platform is alive. This amazing platform!
I have to admit, many times I either have overflowing ideas or none at all. Once I fail to capture those raging emotions and overly felt sadness or joys, then I fail. Nothing more to do except trying to live it a second time or third time or fourth. It will be a struggle but it will always be worth it once I get the nerve writing.
I still have not written about other things save my rumblings and whatever but I am still glad I get awesome comments and unexpected upvotes.
The beautiful smell of the afternoon is still here with me and in a few moments I’ll be cooking and washing dishes while I do something about just anything related to my studies. I am just hoping to pass my subjects. I found no reason anymore to top those classes because what’s more important is what we understood or how we could apply the things we learn in our careers or in our lives.
In the quiet of the strike
I’ve become elusive of people in our group. Group who gather together to conduct this and that. I’ve become wary of the fact that they’re just doing their thing because of the higher up power over them.
But I’ve also come to realize that without the higher-ups then they wouldn’t be working until now. That’s the nature of things. I keep forgetting. What then do I want? What do I want? Why am I like this?
Allow me to describe what I am feeling. I feel like I’ve just been out of a tug-of-war. I’m not sure though whether I was the one who let go or was the one who kept pulling the rope. All I know right now is I feel a little empty. It’s good I’m liberated after all but I still feel a void in my heart.
This is I think an inevitability in life that we have to always see coming. When we so wanted to break off from some bond, we expect to bleed. But we have to do something to stop the bleeding. Otherwise, we’ll be left drained of blood and what life will there be left if we have nothing more?
It is always important to heal ourselves from unnecessary scratches and burns and cuts. Even self-inflicted ones. Not deliberate but accidental. I am not the suicidal type. I’m glad about that. My heart goes to you if you are such. Sorry about that. I want to live more. I want to go on living, despite all my problems. Just because I wanted to live.
I want to talk to the supernatural. To the God that I’ve always known. I wanted to believe in my religion. But why is my heart susceptible to doubt? What am I doubting? Why am I so unbelieving? I don’t wish to be struck by lightning or thunder or whatever for this unbelief. No not please! But it is my heart I am referring to and I am just describing it…
I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe in The Father and The Son. I believe in the supernatural. Who am I not to hold on to Them? I’m just someone who becomes nothing without them. That I’ve tested over and over. But why such unbelief? Should I start prodding myself for furtherance of my spiritual journey?
I know what to do but I can’t move. I should just then bow my head and talk till morning light. That’s probably the best I can do.
I’ve always felt alone. But it always seems nothing because I communicate to Him. I can’t imagine life without Him. At the end of the day, I’m a lucky one for knowing Him even when I was not there during the time of Jesus.
No one can help us about this thing but ourselves. Like with writing, we’re also alone in this. We have to believe wholeheartedly. Let us not have second thoughts. In the moment of those second thoughts, someone else is working to get you to the other side. You could guess who that is.
I’ve always been on the run. I do not want to experience that again. I don’t like that abyss where I fell off. It’s dark. It’s dim. I’ve been easily overpowered by negative forces. I’m not going down again.
In the quiet of the strike I’m continuing with my halted devotion. Let me come to Him again. Seeking, asking, gaining His favor. May we all see the light coming from Him and may we all be blessed with the deepest desires of our hearts. I believe that each man’s deepest desire is in goodness and nothing else. We were all created in His likeness and no man is evil by nature. We have our conscience that convicts us for always. We can never be evil. We always long for goodness.
With a prayerful heart I end this article and try to finish the requirement I have to submit. In doing all those I will be on my knees asking for guidance. Isn’t that what we should all be doing? Who will guide us but not Him? It is only Him who can redeem us.
In the end I will be taking the rope and keep it aside so no one will stumble. I have to send signal to my group so they will know I’m fine by now. I’m always giving them a headache. I can’t ever feel liberated unless I get rid of my selfishness and negative attitudes.
Processing...
I am not a very techy person. Well, perhaps I am. A little. I wake up in the morning. I do the usual things like preparing breakfast, doing some house chores. Afterwards I go to my work area then work. Work from home! Wonderful!
I open my laptop. BIG laptop. Just quite bitter about my big laptop because I don’t have the convenience of carrying it from place to place. I had to stick it to my work table. If ever I bring it at school, I have to erase my schedule of buying groceries on my way home. Perhaps I should be taking a taxi.
I don’t have yet the liberty of buying a new one. Besides, this is already my third possession. The first computer I’ve ever had was the desktop type. It suddenly stopped functioning. For whatever reason. Then I bought a netbook at around 13,000 pesos. It was the cheapest good product I could find. Thanks to my friend.
If not for my second child who ruined the keys of the keypad, I would still be using it now. I bought this one I am using now just because of the tampered keypads. I still wish to revive that old device but I eventually gave up because anyway 10 years is a long duration using such device. I am still using it for reading purposes. Ebooks were stored there. But of course, since I am now busy with so many other things which is why I have not opened it in a while. I am glad that my son volunteered to open it just so he could test the mouse that has been stored in our cabinet. It was still functioning. I volunteered the small netbook to be used by him. If you want, I told him, you can use that. Practice typing, practice using it so that you will be more familiar with things when you need them in the future.
Alternative to my laptop is my phone that I could use in times of emergency.
It hit me that I have to go through precesses in order to be able to be stable later on. Whatever this is that is happening now that is hard to figure out is the process needed for some result later on. Anyway, that is just my belief.
My word processor is the Microsoft word. I still don’t understand a whole lot of things. What I just knew is that there is Microsoft word. And also Microsoft excel, powerpoint, paint, etc. It is only now I am beginning to question the terms and definitions or names associated with all these things I am using now.
Thought it is true that we don’t have to know everything but I was just curious. Just what if there is no Microsoft word? What if no developer yet has thought about all these? What would I be right now?
I am now again lost in my rumblings. Whatever!
I remember what I’ve been through during my childhood. Don’t get me wrong. There was nothing abusive during my younger years. It’s just that I happen to experience pounding rice in order to have something to eat. There actually were mills before but sometimes, when we’re out of rice, we have to go through pounding and doing this and that in order to have something. There were days when my parents would just compare theirs and ours. They keep remarking that we were like senioritas since we don’t do a lot of work nowadays. Just so they could emphasize their points to us, they let us do what they did before.
Personally, I was okay with everything they did. I even missed my parents so much. After all that they were saying, at the end of the day, they love us so much and they just wanted to inculcate in us the many values that we should be appreciating and having.
Now that I am an adult, I even struggle to keep my children in check. But I have to since it is my responsibility. Sometimes, I simply give my phone to my children so they will not disturb me with what I was doing. I am in disagreement with myself most of the time. I have ideals but I give up pretty easily especially when I am faced with many problems, especially financial. I had to look up again at my parents.
And I remember what my son kept repeating a while back that today is Father’s day. I will perhaps greet my father Happy Father’s Day. If I realized a little earlier, I would have had that as my title.
The best that one can give
Out of desperation, I gave a greeting to one of the group chats I belong to. It goes:
“Good morning, everyone! Rise and shine. Be beautiful... like me!”
Some of the group chat’s members reacted with a heart <3 and with a laughing smiley. I, on the other hand, felt my mood boosted. Instead of feeling sad, I felt better than a while ago. And also I realized the power of fellowship that I have heard during one seminar.
Indeed, fellowship… We need to have some so that we will not be feeling blue during our aloneness. We can always find ways to feed our emotional needs.
This is always me, most of the time sad, worried, desperate, and impatient. But I could also just be the exact opposite. I could be happy, uplifted, inspiring, and patient.
Then I thought if I could just be that moody, I may as well just give the best aura I could give off. Besides, no one will want the cynical me.
The best we can give is a reason for others to smile. It will not help if we frown. It will not brighten up the room if we remain sad or melancholy. Just give a shot of positivity and it will be contagious. Someone might be thanking you for it at a later time.
I remember one time my randomness back in college. I met one of my previous professors. I noticed that she is a little melancholy. I did not hesitate to approach and compliment her. She is the beauty I still recall back then. With red lipstick and a face like Antoinette Taus. She also had a cute height. She was strict during the time she was our professor but she also did not fail to deliver the objectives of her lessons. Up until now, I remember her honesty. It helped me a lot get rid of my mannerisms and unnecessary movements during public speaking. Yes, she was our teacher on one of our minor subjects but turns out that that subject isn’t minor after all.
I also remember those times when suddenly someone out of the blue messages me. One particular instance was when my classmate before noticed that I unfriended all my friends on Facebook. I became very defensive explaining that I just wanted to be left alone and that I had no intention of hurting anybody. He simply said he understood and that he is feeling my pain. He sent me inspiring messages which at that time was very timely. I cried out of relief. Thanks, Attorney. After that, I used Facebook neutrally. I began re-adding friends. I only use that social platform now for important interactions or announcements.
If you are sad, take a deep breath and be sentimental for a while. Close your eyes and do some reflection.
If you are feeling lazy, especially just before your period if you are a woman, take the chance to relax and rest. Sleep if you must. Be gentle with yourself. Understand also that your family members might be wondering about your current situation but try to explain to them that you just wanted to rest for a while.
If you are feeling angry, sigh and relax, cool down. Smile and you will feel better.
Always understand that every mood has a particular cause. You may be sleepless. You may be hungry. You may be approaching deadlines for certain tasks. You may be stressed financially. You may be having a strained relationship with someone.
It is important to learn how to figure out what’s causing your bad mood. Make it a point not to let others absorb your negative energy. Or if that is not possible, minimize it. Cry if you must but show afterwards that you are getting better.
And most of all, acknowledge that we needed Him to fix whatever problems we have. All we have to do is close our eyes, feel His presence and talk to Him. But there always is struggle most of the time before we turn to Him. Why should that be a struggle at all? If we know we get the most benefit from turning to Him, why is it always taking us long before talking to Him? I don’t know for unbelievers but I have my own testimony. I prefer to believe than not to believe. I’ve had enough of those dark days and nights.
In conclusion, let us all give that best that we can in every situation. Smile!
Anything is not anything
You ask your friend, “What do you want me to order for our lunch?”
Your friend mindlessly responds, “Anything.” It seems easy for her to have decided.
You go to the counter. You thought, what’s her favorite? Hmmm… You ordered fried chicken for her because it’s her favorite. That’s the last update you knew. You ordered adobo for you. Then you both love coke so that’s the drinks for the both of you. You waited for the order. You can carry it since there are just two orders on the tray. You brought the food on your table. You give your friend’s food while you bring near you your food as well. She looks at your food and her food. Your friend complains, “You should’ve ordered adobo for me, too!”
Well? Thank you for the gratitude! Thank you for the thoughtfulness. You thought sarcastically. It’s okay though since you are friends, it’s easy to have some remedy. You laugh it off and you can scold your friend. You can argue with her. If it goes bad, you can just decide to let things go or just give her your adobo. She’ll realize what she just said and did.
You feel me? This happens quite often, right?
On another occasion, you ask your son, “How would you want me to do for your milk?”
“Up to you, Ma.”
You bring him his milk then he remarks, “Too sweet…”
Ooops! Don’t be a tiger, mother! It’s time for some sermon but do it nicely and calmly. You don’t have to force all your arguments to him. Just point out that he should be clear with his preferences.
Well, thank you for your kind words! You may also think that way. Still sarcastically. How would people be so mindless with their actions and words? You did them some favor then they return with all the wrong words.
Most of the time, people speak mindlessly then reacts when their mindlessness speaks up. It would be too late before they realize their mistakes. Someone dear has already been hurt.
So next time someone responds with similar words, either you demand what they want or let them choose on their own or figure it out on your own.
It is important to reflect upon a lot of things. When we are due to make choices, we know what to let out. It’s not a good practice to let others think for us. We have our mind and we have our freedom to choose. Lift the burden upon others and take advantage of the opportunity to choose for ourselves.
Meditation, reflection, knowing ourselves, knowing our needs, deepest desires, and a whole lot of things personal is not a waste of energy.
I have always been a passive person. Not knowing what I want and always letting others lead. When asked about my preferences, it will usually take me some time before I am able to respond. But if it happens that I’ve already thought out about such subject it is easy to respond.
But at some point we need to confront ourselves and take out decisions for quicker reference. If for example you will be in a tough situation where you needed to ask favor from people, it is important to bring to them clearly what you want. The conditions, the favor you wanted to ask, the service you will return them or simply talk to them that you are in dire straits and that you just return favor in any way you can in the future. So there will be no unnecessary expectations later on and it will be up to you to honor your words.
Always be kind to others. In knowing your preferences, you save time by giving them direct answers. You do not have to let them think for you. They don’t have to spend time figuring out what you want.
I remember ladies who simply let their boyfies choose for them and it almost always lead to unfavorable situation for the ladies.
Hence, it is important to be assertive. It will also lessen the blaming game. Do not be ashamed of what you want. It is the best so you won’t have regrets. If in the end you regret your choice, at least you won’t have to give the blame to others.
So there, anything won’t always mean anything. It means, something that is very specific actually but left for others to decipher. How hard a life would this be if anything will always be not anything! Let’s save the world of unnecessary arguments.
Good evening!
Realignment...
Hear ye brothers and sisters, let us not forget what has been of help to us when we were in our darkest hours, darkest moments, darkest days… Look back, reflect, what were your promises to yourself when you finally get past through that hole? You somehow made a promise right? This is the time to fulfill that promise or promises.
Let us not forget the past when we are basking in sunny days. Let us always remember. Let us not forget to remember that help arrived for us… And we cried out of joy.
Let us then always look back and realign ourselves to that something which helped us.
I am writing this again for my sake. It is more of a self-advice. But you may want to have it as well.
Today is a Sunday. I am composing myself again to do what needs to be done. I am first writing in the hope of getting some inspiration out of myself.
I drank coffee, my favorite brand. I checked my income here. So far I am receiving a humble amount which is just enough for gas fees and load and snacks. I should do better. I should write some more. I should work my ass off. At the same time I am very grateful. Really! Where will I get something like this?
But we should always remember not to forget. That we needed realignment. So amidst all our problems and necessities and requirements, let us still do the right thing. Let us do our obligation and responsibility.
Let us have self-reflection. Let us meditate. Let us do what needs to be done. Over and over I have to do what needs to be done. I have to say what needs to be said.
I started using Google map many years ago. I first tried it when I wasn’t sure about my route going to an agency. An insurance agency that is affiliated with our school. I had to go there to process some papers. Why am I not saying what kind of paper is that? It’s actually a process for my loan. It was my first time taking out a loan with that agency and during those times, there were no available online transactions yet. So I had to use Google map. I ask nonstop the drivers and the people I meet. There is this feature of Google map which is the ‘re-center.’ Every time that I was disoriented I would click the button, re-center. Then I would again have a better visuals. I eventually arrived there and I had to wait half-day before I was finally accommodated. I exited and went home. I never returned there since the disbursement of the loan was thru atm.
I will again be using Google map when I go there.
The point here is, no matter how successful we become later on, it should still be good to go back to our humble beginnings. It is not to say that it should be our bondage, those help we received, but we should reminisce so we will remain humble.
Humility is the best thing that I have learned so far. Ah, no, one of the best things. Along with humility, there’s gratefulness, cleanliness, and Godliness. I don’t care anymore what those atheists say. But for me, I am a believer. It’s futile to be pointing out why I am a believer. What I can just attest to are the things that I have experience because of my belief, of my faith. The moment I have doubt, that is the time that I mess up.
Hey, it’s Sunday! I will attend the fellowship at around early afternoon. It’s all about me and my savior. It is my earnest goal to still be steadfast up until Saturday. Or if possible, forever. If at all possible.
Meanwhile, let us have a little conditioning before taking a bath. I stretched a while ago. I will do things step by step.
With regards to taking a bath since it is my struggle always, I first prepare sufficient volume of water. Then I do taking a bath step by step. But if I really am against it I simply get right through it then just shout out of coldness of water. But while there is time, I heat the water I use for bathing. I fail to describe my agony in taking a bath. But once that I put on bathsoap, there it is as if taking a bath is the best thing. Years ago, I could consume a drum of water, the big drum. But I learned to economize water. Realigning myself with our budget.
After this and I will prepare everything and be off to town for mass.
Happy Sunday pips!
Happy Independence!
The word ‘independence’ caught my attention while I was browsing thru homepage. I recall that today is the celebration of the Philippine Independence Day.
I was amused by my colleague last few years ago because she was angry about the Independence Day. She was saying, there is no such thing as Independence Day. It should be that happy interdependence. And there should be no day at all because we should be celebrating it all throughout. Oh my, what a hard thing to think about.
But I will not be talking about the meaning and history of our independence day. I will just let that colleague win today and maybe I won’t ever bother talking about Independence Day. I hope Ma’am will find her happiness as she continues to battle with herself. My colleague resigned and I don’t know where she is right now. I hope she isn’t somewhere in heavy debt and doing unnecessary things. God will keep her.
Anyway, as I have said I will not be talking about history of this and that. I would just like to acknowledge that I am free to do whatever I like. Happy independence to me! I will take advantage of the absence of my family members and clean the house however long I want.
I am saying this not because I have a neat and orderly house but actually the opposite. I have other priorities at the moment. Hence I really can’t focus on household chores. But I will try my best to take advantage of my current freedom and independently insert the cleaning of the house.
Starting from one corner, dusting off and collecting clutters. Then it’s okay if I stop every now and then to write. Then go on again to clean. This is so me anyway. I do whatever I like. Unfortunately, I can’t do things this way if everybody is in the house. Now that we are alone, I will do anything just to be able to keep the house in good condition.
I am already done with my laundry! Yippee! It’s amazing, right? I usually just soak the clothes then leave them. I then go back to them if I am again in the mood. Good thing I did the laundry until it was done.
It’s time to fold clothes and sort things out. If only I got four hands then I would have doubled my pace before laziness strikes again.
Our beddings are now neatly folded into the side and our dolls put on top of the shelf of books.
The messiest part of the house is my work space. But still I will leave it for last. (lol) I can’t help but to notice my behavior after using things. I simply put it anywhere on my table. Any space I could see I will use until there are no longer spaces to put things onto.
My bag below the table is just kept there for anything I needed when I am working. It is almost impossible for me to be away from it lest I will not be able to immediately bring out what I wanted like pens, ballpens, planner, eraser, calculator. It contains almost everything. It’s heavy, they commented. When we went to town with family and they volunteer to hold my bag, they wonder what I put inside my bag. You need puller? Yes I have that. You need nailcutter? Yes I have. You need scissors? Yes. How about cutter? Sorry, I removed that ever since it cut my skin while I was searching for something. I left it inside the drawer at school. I use it there when my sharpener fails me.
Our curtains are, well, needs to be changed with real ones. Even just the cheap ones. Hehe. Due to optimization of income, I use just anything as our curtain. Someday. But now, no sense anyway. Unless my sons will later be conscious when they bring their classmates. I will change curtains then just so I could show off a little. Futile. (The reality of life.) I wanted to show a different side of life to the kids. The deeper one. With more meaning. Not the superficial things that we so love here on earth.
So where were we? The topic? Oh, about independence. I guess I will now have a modified independence since my family will now be back this afternoon. I will still continue what I have to continue. But I will now also act as a house keeper.
May I just greet you?
“Happy Independence Day!”
If writing is lonely..
I am yet to discover why writing could be lonely. Why do those before us say so? What extreme emotions have they felt?
What does a writer does when he/she writes? What are a writer’s emotions? How lonely will a writer be?
Even before I started making something out of writing I already didn’t find any support from the most important person who should be supporting me. But I don’t believe that that is the thing that will make a writer lonely. You may also have a very supportive family but if they are no writers themselves, then they may not be able to understand everything that you are feeling and going through.
But even if another writer will indeed feel your joy, pain and glory, they will still be out when you are writing your thing. The best they could offer maybe advices and sharings of their experiences but in the end it will be just you who is writing.
I am already a loner so that may not be a problem. Maybe. I don’t know. But it’s also not about being a loner or not a loner. At some point, your being a loner will take a toll on your emotions. No one is an island. So they say.
Personally, I do not know if beyond writing here, I will be furthering my writing endeavors.
Even so, it will not hurt if we observe certain measures in order to keep up with the emotional requirement of writing just in case we decide further our writing career. It goes without saying that we should keep ourselves strong. We should be continuing our readings and learnings regarding the writing life.
So far I have started reading a book regarding advice on writing. There are still many points that I wish to understand and no doubt I still have a long way to go. Maybe, I just arrived at the opening of this endeavor. Nowhere near the heart of this career. Just glad that I could at least earn something out of writing and that is a big thing to be grateful for.
As I have already pointed out, writing is lonely because no matter how much support our family gives us, we are still the one to finish what we are writing.
On a brighter note, writing is exciting. Maybe you share my sentiment that we feel an inexplicable feeling when we think about the journey on writing.
Writing is arduous. Even this very article, I’m pained to edit it. Once I edit this, I may just as well remove everything and I wouldn’t have written anything at all. I just read back and I said, what was I saying? What is my direction initially? I seem to have been lost. I seem now to be out of line of my original direction.
An additional pain for me is I do not know what topic to write about. I recall initially that with my first post here that I will be writing on anything about anything. But sometimes it’s so vague that I am lost. It just comes as I decide to type on my device but what if this is to be continued in the long run?
But the advantage of this process is we get to question ourselves with a lot of things and we discover our potentials. At first we feel lost but eventually, if we keep at it, we’ll be found.
Those questionings will be our added preparations that we will consider in order to make writing bearable, if it is indeed lonely. I do not wish to present writing as some melancholy journey but there are just some realities that we have to accept.
There are times that I just forget everything that I have learned so far leaving. It’s as if I lost all of it. The obvious solution therefore is to keep a diary about our learnings. Those that we shouldn’t forget. Advices that we have to review from time to time to keep us going.
Then there also is this discipline that I need to learn. It’s like a drag keeping a journal about everything. But I have to train myself to be disciplined. Facts should be kept in check to avoid frustrations. There are so many writers out there whom we could read in order to learn. We should then keep our hearts open in order to catch as much as we can.
*I find joy in thinking that writing is lonely. If that will be, I can just find solace in my own loneliness. I am my joy, my helper and my comfort. No, that’s quite wrong. He is my joy, my helper and my comfort. With Him in me, I will be able to bear the loneliness of writing.*
I’m not sure whether I’m making a point or not.
A point comes in our lives when all we wanted is freedom from people or circumstances. We wanted freedom because we longed to do what we always wanted to do. People or that someone or circumstances either suppress/es our growth or sabotage/s our chances of accomplishing our set goals for ourselves or for our families. If you are someone who is not the type who wants to talk things out with others, then you may have this type of longing. While talking things out is a process that we have to learn, it does not come to us readily. We have to learn it with a lot of trials and errors. Hence we find ourselves wanting to break free.
But when that point comes when we thought we’re finally free even just a week that we wished for, we still have a different feeling from the simulation we’ve done on our minds thousands of times before. Then we question ourselves, have I really wished for freedom?
Hold on, little girl. Don’t be too quick to lament. Remember all those times when you wanted to be free even just a week or month or years? Now that you have the chance to be free, then claim all your freebies!
Slay! Do what you want for the betterment of your lives in the family. Write your articles if you are a writer. Sell your goods if you are a seller. Beautify your home if you are a housekeeper. Dance if you wish to. Sing at the top of your voice.
When things return to normal, at least you’ve had some form of release. This time, you’ll be able to practice how to do a way to not be suppressed or sabotaged by others. The best way is to look for win-win situation.
If what you wanted has more advantages, do explain your points. Keep calm and don’t shout.
Recognize the things that seem to impede you from achieving your goal. Don’t stay melancholy. Do something!
I have to admit that for wives, we have to be noble wives. It’s such a painstaking work but it will be worth it. Serve your husband. Prepare his change of clothes. Smile at him even though he isn’t doing well just yet. I’ve hear this from a less
And you husbands, why don’t you love your wives? Simple appreciation each day will make your spouse work and inspired to give you your home. Try commenting negatively and she will feel like you don’t love her anymore.
Respect with each other. Good regards with one another.
In order to be really free, we have to learn true freedom. We can always bargain from people inside our house. Instead of waiting for that temporary freedom when they go somewhere, do about your situation. Do chores immediately in order to have more time for what you love doing. Be quick to your feet. It’s the only way.
There are other ways like separation from people, breaking away from others. But is that a win-win situation? Probably a lose-lose especially when the emotion is involved.
We should learn to live by our circumstances. If you really want separation, maybe you could have temporary arrangements like one or the other going to another place. Do a way that it will not involve kids or onlookers.
We have to have peace of mind and not hard feelings or hurt emotions.
As an aside, we turn to music. Probably best would be worship songs. We turn to Him and pray. Ask for the things we want. Ask for forgiveness if that would help. Pray for one another. Don’t curse, it will come right back to you.
Always believe in better future. Always be positive. No matter what you’ve been thru always try to reconcile and accept apologies. Forgive yourself as you forgive others.
If you are a writer, turn it to your advantage and talk about your situation. Not necessarily to be published. Just write in your diaries. But of course you know this. Just a reminder in case you forgot.
Make the most out of everything. I can’t talk this smoothly if I haven’t experienced bondage. I’ve been too long in prison. Prison I’ve caged myself into. Only when I acknowledged what I needed and spoke from my heart that I was able to make my heart known to people. They accepted me for who I am.
There will still be times when things before resurface but we always try to sort things out the soonest.
But what I do not know right now is if I’ve have made some good points or not.
I’m a mess but that would be it for this morning article.
Thanks a lot for reading this messed up piece. God bless and keep slaying!
Where is my pen?!
This morning, I went to school to upload the attendance of my advisory class. The schedule of uploading as was posted in our group chat was morning for the first trimester and afternoon for the second trimester. July will be the schedule for the uploading of the third trimester attendance.
Around 10:30, I arrived at school. The uploading was done very quickly. The system being developed by our school programmers improves by the years.
I thought of eating my lunch at the canteen during lunch break instead of going home and coming back to school. I thought of just waiting for the 1 pm schedule and be done with the uploading before finally going home.
So I went to the canteen to push with my plan. Before pandemic, I had the habit of treating our school’s canteen as my favorite place. While I eat my food, I usually scribble things. It’s my favorite thing to do.
I ordered two sets. The portions were little anyway. I then decided to stay at a table where my back was facing the wall so my paper will face the wall instead of being picked easily by onlookers.
I laid my food on the table. Just before eating, I wanted to bring my paper and pen out. I was searching every part of my bag to see where I could find a pen but I remembered I put down the notebook on the table at home and in that notebook, a pen was inserted. Where is my pen?!
I felt really really annoyed with myself! How come I don’t have a pen on my bag? The lazy me. I bet I used a pen then left it lying around somewhere in our house. I used another and was very reluctant to put it back on my bag.
I always populated my bag with a lot of pens just so I have a lot to use only to have nothing when I needed it the most. That mentality where I always think that I have a lot anyway.
Good thing that our school’s bookstore is just inside the school canteen. I finished my food. I cleaned up and went to the bookstore.
I asked for the cheapest. The cheapest pen works equally amazingly anyway so I have no problem with cheap pens as long as they do not blot and that ink comes out of them when I write.
What a joy to finally have a pen in my hand! I still had an hour to kill before 1 pm so I enjoyed writing. What did I write? Just list of things to do and bills to pay.
I had three little notebooks aside from the scrap papers that I always make sure to have in my bag. I brought one of the little notebooks out. I reviewed what were contained in it. I returned it in my bag and did the same for the other two.
I then took out a scrap paper then began jotting things down. A column for dates, another column for things to do beside each date. Then notes here and there beside dates or events.
I felt satisfied doing such things. I am in loved with my aloneness. It gives me some sense of space that I get to think for myself, for my plans, for my future. Most of all, I get to pray on my own. I simply close my eyes as if I am sleeping and communicate with the Almighty.
When I sit down on the table a pen is a usual sight. I can’t work without ballpen.
So I made a resolution to always see to it that I have a pen before I venture out of our house.
Oh my pen! I love you so much. Pen coupled by paper. Of course, I can’t deny it’s also best to have the calculator lying around. Though I have the cellphone in case there is no calculator.
I stopped with my ruminations when the clock struck 12:46. I went to the computer room and had to patiently wait for 1 pm. I uploaded the attendance then decided it was time to go home.
I felt the ballpen in place on one small bag inside my big bag. I scolded myself for being so mindless sometimes. How could I forget to put even just one pen in my bag before going out of the house?
Where is my pen?! Oh, here it is. It hid beneath the right side of the laptop.
Aren’t you having fun yet?
Yes, I am! After all the keme keme and the chenes chenes, I am here writing and penning my thoughts out. Isn’t that amazing? It took me so many attempts before being finally able to come out into the open.
It’s not always easy to lay down your thoughts and write it on paper or on screen. You have worries like *I am not good enough*, *I am still practicing*, *I still have a long way to go before getting there at the writing platform*, and so on.
So when you are finally writing, enjoy as much as you can! Aren’t you having fun yet?! You should! You are here already, sulitin mo na! Yey!
Knowledge, wit, experiences, etc, accompanied by humility, and you will have a good future ahead of you.
When we write, it is necessary that we are knowledgeable with our topic. If you aren’t knowledgeable, you can just be honest and say that you aren’t knowledgeable. Then you are very knowledgeable then with what you are saying because you are honest.
Anyway…
We also needed our wit so that we could deliver well our thoughts in an interesting manner. Or, think hard about your confident moments. What were you doing? What were you feeling? What was the occasion?
Write about those moments. In those moments, just try to let out your feelings. Never mind your grammar for the meantime. You’ll get to edit it later on.
If you focus too much on syntax and grammar, tendency is you will be draining out your energy thinking about it. It’s best that you simply be yourself and just express. We have editing apps which may fix things up later. Of course, I am not saying that you shouldn’t mind your grammar at all but it is better to have expressed freely than not at all because you were very conscious about everything.
Humility is also a good companion when writing. In such a way that we ask Him to guide as as we write. And that the things we say may inspire and bring lessons to others. We are all interconnected and let the wires be of good quality. When we ask guidance from Him, we will be protected all the way.
One good thing about writing is that you can experiment all you like. As for me, I don’t know yet what genre I will be sticking to. I am just free writing as much as I can manage. I’ve tried writing stories but we will come to that. I’m still brewing things in my head.
So far, I have written blog contents and proses. It is the easiest right now. Writing about daily life, anything under the sun that has relevance to us and anything about anything.
I like dancing from one thought to another. It’s a nice feeling when you get to connect something with something else unlikely to be connected. I take advantage of reflexive, commutative, transitive properties of things. Like the properties we learn with operations in Math.
The biggest surprise really was that I planned to just write here on this platform without regard if people are interested with what I wrote or not. I just wrote for the pleasure of it. I crafted my first article. And then I wrote another one and then another. I was really surprised that someone commented on my first article the same day I think that I wrote it. Well, I know we have the first posts choice that we could click above but to have someone notice me anyway is a great achievement already. I even recall that I was just playing with my ideas of my ballpen and the things I see on my table. I am really grateful.
I admit there were times when I simply opened my account and not wrote at all but it was because I was really busy with school requirements and mother duties, plus my graduate studies. I believe there are many of us here who are like me. Triple set of duties (mothering, studying, teaching). And oh, wifeying hehehehe. That’s not even a formal term I know.
So, we should be having fun already in writing! With the many things and interests that we have in this world, there are a lot of possible topics and trains of thoughts that we could follow. Right?
I will stop here now. I want you to know that I enjoyed and is enjoying writing.
Be inspired… for always!
Yours truly,
***FrieLincs***
Blog of a lazy housekeeper
Most of the days, it is challenging on my part to keep the house neat and tidy. With the demand of my teaching job and also the weight of the assignments required of us, I just can’t find time to do something for the house. Maybe not.
I am sometimes pathetic because I cry over unfinished house chores yet I don’t do anything about it. But I also have to understand myself. I have no choice. If I don’t extend my understanding to myself, who will understand me then? It is easy to judge someone like me. But at least I also get to hear encouragement from neighbors that it is understandable because I have work to do.
When I try to plan something out for the house, my system rejects it immediately leaving me frustrated and angry at myself. “Why can’t I,” is always my question. I somehow feel a tinge of envy for the mothers who really keep their house in excellent condition. They say, be careful what you wish for so I don’t wish for anything.
Also, there is always a way to do things if we will it. If we really care about the health of our family members, we should also deem it priority to include house cleaning in our list of tasks.
I told myself that I will do house chores one at a time. It will build up eventually and my house will be tidy. Even just the minimum requirement to make the house livable. I am not saying that our house is not livable. It’s just that it is better to work at home with a clean floor and pleasant surroundings.
I listen to advices about this and that but fail to keep doing it. It’s time to writing things down for quick reference. Someone suggested that I should have a bulletin board on my wall. I will improvise for the meantime. I’m just used to online stickers because it is the easiest. But of course,
One area per day in addition to the usual sweeping of floor, washing of dishes, wiping the table and other surfaces, folding clothes and doing the beddings. It would be nice to see the bookshelf with organized books and notebooks. It is nice to have a change in curtain. The shoes all facing one direction and the clutters put in the trash can.
One reason why I wanted to de-clutter and fix the house is because of the random visits of friends and families. It would be shameful to have a messy house when we are working at home. Just how long is that 20 minutes a day to do some house chores? Being quick to ones feet is one way to do things.
I have always been in awe with beautiful interior. Why shouldn’t I make my place beautiful as well? Even though there are no grand decorations when the place is clean it will still be a pleasant place to stay.
I don’t have friends anymore who comes to the house to fix things up for the busy me. They either are somewhere making a living or are married already. They always quiz me about the condition of my home. I just shrug my shoulders and tell them to help me instead.
A cousin when she was still a student always came to our house and tidied things up. While I’m glued to my workplace. No assignment or with assignment I’m always the same. But I also have to learn things in order to have a peaceful place.
Now, if possible, I don’t like others cleaning for me because I also have my pride. Hehehehe. Why would I let them do it when I’m here and I have hands and brain to think? Besides, I have my own preference when it came to organizing things. At the moment I don’t have fancy things to set up at my house. So creativity is put to use for the meantime.
Let’s have a happy mood cleaning, ya’ll! Let’s enjoy while we’re still up to this thing called house-keeping.
What would you have chosen?
As early as childhood we have to be taught how to decide. Later in life we can’t just be so indecisive that it might cause us demotivation or halt us instead of moving forward.
From the clothes we wear to the food that we eat to the things that we do. We need to know how to choose. We have to have decisiveness.
Of course we know that there are good decisions and bad decisions. The point here is that we have to learn how to assert ourselves. Otherwise, we will become dependent on others about almost everything. That is annoying. It's hard to be with someone who does not know what she or he likes.
When asked about the food I want, it always take me a long time before I could decide. If there are a lot of options like adobo, kare-kare, tinola, dinakdakan, dinuguan, sinigang, marinated fish, etc., I have the tendency to unnecessarily order a lot of them and in the end I am not able to consume.
I told myself every time that my capacity is up to two rice and only a couple of viand. More than that, I will not be able to enjoy anymore because am full by the time I have consumed one to two servings of rice.
Anyway, suppose we direct our topic to fiat and crypto. If you were given the choices between crypto and fiat, what would you have chosen?
Let me give you a more complete question. What if you were to choose your prize for some game, and you were given the option if you want BCH or dollar. What will you choose? And why?
Suppose that no one was with you during that time, what would you have chosen? Will you answer immediately or let the crowd wait for a while? Think about it.
Suppose now that you were to get a loan from a friend. You asked for some favor that you would need a certain amount. Your friend asked, do you want it in BCH or its equivalent to dollar? What would you have chosen?
Seriously, decision-making skill is crucial for our transactions. If you lack the skills or knowledge, you will be at a great disadvantage. They may take advantage of your ignorance and they may even eat you alive.
That is the reason why we always need to be up to date to the things happening around us.
Honestly I am one who isn’t very much updated with information or news. The reason is that I just do not have enough time. Still, it is needed to be updated. You will notice a significant improvement in your decision making skills if you are well-informed.
The reason we can’t argue with other people despite the fact that we know that their position is wrong is that we lack the facts that support our stance. We regret not having to study more or read more about that certain something. We get angry but we have nothing to refute our opponent.
Therefore, we always have to at least equip ourselves with knowledge. We research as they come and we internalize while we research for them. It’s okay to take your time but make sure to start something.
It is really hard to decide if we do not know a lot of things. This is also one reason why instead of gaining nowadays, we are still at the pit that we have created for ourselves.
Postponement of things to be done now is another culprit why we can’t decide on things. We keep postponing until eventually time is due for us. Then we simply disregard or discard things.
It happens a lot to me that I am not able to decide or answer questions quickly.
When I am asked about my opinion, I can’t answer immediately. I always seek some sense of approval from people.
I halted my research again about crypto but it is understandable because I am busy with my studies. Still, there may be a time when I also should learn little by little about crypto. There are still a lot of things to know.
What if I was asked to rank crypto according to their features? What will I answer then? I only am currently using BCH but it would be best if we are well-equipped as well with information about other cryptocurrency. Afterall, this is the trend today and all we can do is to research about it as well.
So that when you’re asked you know what to answer. So, what would you have chosen?
I choose BCH.
Complete Surrender
I could think. It is back to normal. Why shouldn't it? I have food to eat, shelter to call home, air to breath, ground to walk on, and many more. So there is no reason for the brain not to go back to normal.
But the above is just so smooth to be true. It may be true that we seem to have everything but those are just not enough. I personally believe that it will be Him who will eventually deliver us.
I am a jolly person. At least I could call myself that. In reality, I experience unusual sadness, insanity, and many more abnormal behavior. But I only realize things or my husband points it out after every attack.
But the good news is there is a way to battle such abnormalities. Let us recognize that we are impacted by problems that surround us. The biggest challenge for me has been my psychological wellbeing due to financial stress.
I know that financial problem is pretty common but if I may say I am one who has inherited the wrong mindset when it comes to dealing with my finances.
First, I have not been keeping a record of my spending and borrowing. I spend without having a budget. It's hard budgeting. I did not persist in researching tips for this. I took out loans from payday loans which has been making my life so tough right now.
Second, I keep secrets of my loans to my family. I thought I will be able to solve things on my own but the sad truth is I can't alone. I need somebody to help me.
Third, I always postpone saving.
A while ago, I was very sad. I should not be going to mass because I was sad. I shook my head vigorously and I was convicted that the more that I should go to church.
I went to church. I thought, I may be late but I will still be able to catch something. Good thing, the homily was only about to start when I got there.
The words were cutting through my heart. But I was still lukewarm. I was being dragged down by my debt. Why oh why am I here in this situation.
After the mass, we had some consolidation with our church leader. I was crying and sharing saying, "if only I will be done with my financial trouble then I will serve the Lord."
But then right there and then I was convicted that there is no bargaining with the Lord. There has to be a complete surrender.
I am then accepting all the consequences of my previous actions of borrowing. I am humbling myself. I will tolerate judgment from people. But I will keep my faith. My faith that in doing my best, I will eventually get through with all these.
I kept reflecting whether I should share this here. This isn't about religion. This is not about debate on who is right and who is wrong. This is about our salvation. Salvation from the deadly sins that are rampant nowadays.
I have to keep my faith. In experiencing such trials and tribulations we will be blessed more. Because we realize that the only thing that can save us is our faith. With faith we will repent from our mistakes and do our best in solving our problems.
Let us cast our worries to Him. So they tell us. I will then cast all my worries to Him. Let all the stress we experience diminish and be replaced by joy! There is joy if He is with us.
I wanted to be guided. I wanted to know the way to live life in His presence. How do we completely surrender to Him? How are we going to do it? How do we carry ourselves? What should we write about here? What character are we going to develop?
I want to let Him guide me to the answers.
Dor now let this joy be enough to keep me alive. Let it be felt down thru my bones. That not even my debts will make me worry. I will pay them but I need time.
He will be the one to show us the right path.
All glory to Him.
Minimalism, Simplicity, and Jumbled Thoughts
I have put aside all other thoughts or ambitions that I aspired for. This is it now, focus on the present. You'll be able to go back to your other aspirations when things get better. When the time comes I wear myself out of writing, I can always turn to those that I have set aside.
For my writing, a table, a computer, a chair, and a good cup of coffee will get me through each journey. And yes, Google is my dictionary. I refer to it words that I am not so sure about. I also translate Filipino terms into English when wit escapes me. It happens a lot of times. This is why writing is better for me than live arguments or debates. In writing, at least I have more time deliberating. Even deliberating whether I will deliberate for my article or not. Hahaha. It is like plus plus or minus minus. Anyway, writing is awesome for passive people like me.
I recently tried the free version of Grammarly and I was amazed that it helped me a lot. It made my writing faster because it is easy to spot syntax errors and even grammatical errors.
I have read somewhere the following remark, "What if we could liberate ourselves of what we don’t need, so we can focus on what matters?" This hit home because it is what I have always tried to achieve. While my colleagues and friends and neighbors are busy dreaming about the grandiose of the universe, I'm here making myself happy with just the few that I have. Check this out! I'M BECOMING A MINIMALIST! https://sunrequiem.wordpress.com/2019/01/08/minimalist/
Neighbors would say, "Why can't a teacher like you assume your position of being a teacher?"
I laughed real hard inside me because I don't care how I look. Well, I care like I take a bath and make sure I don't smell. I fix my hair so it's not messy. I clothe myself with just the right clothes just for my belly or legs or boobs not to show to the world.
Those neighbors would say, why don't I wear makeup? Why don't I wear accessories so I will look like a teacher?
Really, I am not offended by those. I am even happier that they get to notice that in the hope they'll reflect as well that what people desire are mostly vanities! In our own time, we'll be summoned by Him and it would be best to seek true happiness than chasing those vanities which will never satisfy us anyway. In the end, one of our friends here said that I am the simplest teacher.
Also, I am being challenged by the fact that teachers have the biggest to play when it comes to education. With our current situation, we have to do our best to help the children. Not really to teach the subject matter but to teach children to develop a learning style that will make them thirst for knowledge. I would rather be called a good teacher than being called sexy and charming. Well, I'm already confident with how I look. I feel more beautiful when I do my job than when I do my job yet I have the air to wear make-up. Choose, the latter or the former?
I was elated when my nephew came to me a while ago asking me if I could teach him again. I actually used to tutor them and we would answer their assessments in the end. I could see that they are not really interested. I changed my style. I told them we are never going to answer the assessment part. I will only teach them the content of the lesson and I will be out of the picture for the assessment part. It made a great difference to how they listened when I was teaching them.
I know I have a long way ahead of me. But I keep seeing to it that what I do is productive. Or helpful at least to kids during this pandemic. Answering their assessment part is like giving away unnecessarily because your efforts will not be appreciated. We can never attain our objective in teaching unless we do experiments to see what would work. I am not being paid by these kids so I only demand that they do well or listen at least to what I say to them. Otherwise, I will demand compensation for my time teaching them if they don't take things seriously. I have my kids to attend to and house chores to do, so the only thing I want is the satisfaction that they are helping themselves.
On the other hand, I am doing my best to do well as well with my studies. I would like to apply to myself those that I wanted the kids to apply to themselves. I teach at a formal institution in addition to handling some kids in our neighborhood. It's like doing whatever I can actually. There are no fixed schedules save those synchronous classes and schedules for uploading of modules to the learning management system.
I've been through the process of chasing futile airs. I get a hold of things but turns out they do not make me happy. What makes me happy is inner peace and the comfort that the home brings. Peace within the family, respect for each other, learning to pray for one another... These are what matters. At the end of the day, when you lie down to sleep, peace is what will make you close your eyes.
Focus!
While I'm at it, I will be writing again. Despite the requirements that need to be done, writing for me is equally important.
(This was supposed to be written and published last night but despite my mood to write, my eyes didn't cooperate and it just closed. I wrote the above paragraph and I do not know anymore what happened. I woke up with the crying kid beside me but it was already hours away than when I have written the above.)
I was looking at the pillow of my daughter. The design is flowery and it's colored pink. I have always wondered how photographers took amazing photos. So just for fun, I tried experimenting on how I take a photo of the flower designs of the pillow.
Well, I had to have good lighting but I don't have that at the moment so I told myself, I will try to focus on 'focus'.
Then I just gave up and told myself, maybe you can just focus more on your lesson plans and assignments. You're not a photographer and leave that job to photographers.
I argued with myself that with the rise of media nowadays, I might as well learn even just a little skill in photography.
My other self told me that I have a point but I will have to wait for ample time. Besides I will not be joining any competition anyway and that I am not required at the moment to be a photographer.
I still kept at it until I remembered the golden ratio. I knew then that ratios being considered by photographers may have something to do about the golden ratio. But since I am not researching right now, I will just look into that some other time.
I took a photo then just did random editings and the result is the one you see below.
I really am not good at taking pictures. But I also believe that the easiest way to judge is to assess whether it looks good or not. Sometimes our eyes are the best judge. So we could also just experiment because as they say, experience is the best teacher.
But then, we also need to consider that we all have our own area of discipline to focus on. If needs be we can just enlist the help of experts for different matters.
It's good to know a lot of things but being a jack of all trades is sometimes very exhausting. It's best then to have some focus so that at least you can dig deeper and learn deeper. Your inclination will tell you which aspect or area to focus on.
I actually do not know if Math indeed is my focus because I tend to seek more things than just focus in Math. But the good thing is that when all other things seem blurry, I tend to my specialty and I focus on it.
I don't know if I am even making sense with what I am saying right now. Let us just say, it's rather complicated.
But the point remains that when you are doing something, focus is essential. When you get distracted, it will have an impact to what you are doing.
There were times where I was guilty of writing while attending a zoom class or meeting. I thought, the lesson is familiar anyway. I may just go over our lesson so I will be able to do the assessment. But the downside of doing that is there might be something new which you will be missing. Nowadays, there are a lot of updates if not outright changes. Therefore, it is essential to listen to what your professor have to say.
Other things which I usually miss from not fully focusing on our zoom is when there are assigned activities. I will just realize that the prof is calling out my name and I have to at least sound a little busy with something. But I know that is also some kind of disrespect. We have what we call as back channel but if you are not careful, your full attention may be taken away altogether.
So my recommendation is if at all possible, be focused on what your are doing or on what ever matter you have at hand.
Bigfoot
It is just unbelievable that it is four hours already since I started drafting my articles but I have not finished a single one. I am beginning to wonder where all those things have gone to, those things that I was so adamant to tell before. I had a lot on my plate at one time but now everything seems to be gone! Haha. I guess it happens not only to me but to many.
Fortunately, I was able to control my coffee intake because I bet if not, I would be in no condition now to be writing. I only took a cupful and settled on my laptop.
So I have to start again somewhere.
Bigfoot! Yes, indeed, I am bigfoot. But I will not talk about my big feet because that will just be so boring for the ears of the readers.
Bigfoot is the name given to my daughter's doll. (Sorry, I can't show you pictures.) Unfortunately, I was not present during the reckoning (ahem, I mean that time when they gave the name to the doll). RenLeaf I think is the one responsible for the naming of the doll.
Anyway, what I could guess is that they took the name from the computer-animated comedy-drama entitled 'Son of Bigfoot'.
I do not get why they named the doll with such and it would be silly talking about this topic over the phone with my older children, who are home right now in our province. I am all alone with my daughter and I can't help but wonder.
Those were the movies we've been watching when our Cignal cable was not loaded for a long time. Together with the other animations such as 'Coco' and 'The Lorax'. Those were the recent past of this household. We simply go from one cartoon to another and we can't get enough. It makes me want to watch it right now but I will be using my flashdrive for tomorrow so I do not want to bring it out.
What I really liked about 'Son of Bigfoot' is the nostalgic presentation together with the music 'Where the Light Is'- Puggy. Maybe you would just be kind enough to watch it also.
Looking at the doll, there's not even a single thing similar to the feet. There actually were no feet, just straight cylindrical-shaped legs.
Ah! I got it, there may be no feet but the other feature of Bigfoot in the movie was his hairy body. And this doll is just like that. Now I realized it!
And another realization is that sometimes we tend to focus so much on a single point without considering the others. It makes us blind to the other wonderful things that might come out of other places.
At the same time, this makes me think why people also name those with disabilities with the particular disability that a person has.
You hear people call out with things like 'Hey, bulag', 'bingi', 'pilay', 'bungi', etc. (bulag, bingi, pilay, bungi are Filipino terms for blind, deaf, limp, and missing front teeth, respectively)
If I were a disabled person, I will feel hurt. *You don't have to slice me with my own knife.*
But then it's really rampant in our society and it's up to us individuals to check on ourselves. So next time you see a special person, treat her/him with respect and refrain from calling them names that are disrespectful. If you really need something to say to them, you may just kindly ask for their names first then you can call them by their names. Respect will go a long way.
Bigfoot, my daughter's doll, is a dear doll to her because instead of being afraid with it, she embraced it the first time she got hold of it. RenLeaf was called over to their lola's residence and he came back with this doll and a few more belongings for my child.
Now she sleeps with the doll and they are like buddies. I'm still not so much acquainted with having dolls around but since I have a daughter, it was to be expected that somebody gifts her with such.
I'll soon renew sponsorships but not right now. Wait for me! Hahaha!
Learn not to judge others
A child has been brought to our neighborhood the other week. He had to be brought here because his parents are not available to care for him. His mother works as a call center agent, night shift, while his father works full time as a miner at a mining company.
I do not know the details of their situation. When I went outside to refresh myself after being in front of the monitor for a long time, I heard our neighbors talking. They said that it is questionable why the mother has not called even once for the past few days. Doesn't she love the child? Do they not care at all for how the child has been faring? And so many other judgmental questions.
So many more judgmental remarks were thrown at the child's mother. I have to admit, I also judged the mother immediately. I thought that why is it that she has not called even just for a 5-minute talk to the child? Most probably, they have at least one phone inside their house. But since I am matured enough to think properly, I tried to stop myself from assuming many things. I know that somehow, the mother has her excuses. I believe no mother will forsake her child. Even those afflicted with sickness of the mind do show regard for their children. It is almost impossible for parents to not care about their little ones.
Finally, the mother called the lady host. It so happens that the child is here with us playing with my kid. The lady came saying that come now come now, your mother is video calling. So they talked, they saw each other's face and I could just hear the longing of the mother for the child.
I was left to ruminate about the topic on judging others. Surely, no mother would forget her own son. No mother will inhumanely just throw her child into the unknown. Therefore, we are not to judge others based on what we see. We all have our own circumstances and judging others would be foolish. Besides, it does not do us any good when we judge them. It might even speak to our conscience that we've done wrong. So let us learn not to judge others no matter how different their circumstances is from us.
Let's just call the child as Lucas, not his real name. Lucas is a blessing. He played with my child while I do the chores. He may still not know how to speak but at least he could interact with my daughter.
I hope that in time, Lucas' parents will be able to make a better arrangement. It's really hard being away with the children. We can't sleep well at night and we keep thinking of our children. I hope we have given a little comfort to the mother when she saw that her child is playing well and is happy. The child says mama to every mtoher he sees. He's already 3 years old but due maybe to the family's circumstance so he is still unable to speak.
In life judging others is like inviting for your bad karma to come the soonest. You'll never know what tomorrow brings so while we can we extend our understanding to others. Let's try suspending our judgment in the air. Just think of your life. If you're imperfect, then that is the same with the person you're giving your judgment to.
There were many instances in my life where I judged others. It was almost always with malice. I realized it's not healthy to be thinking ahead of ourselves because when we're eventually stuck in the same situation, we would hear immediately the judgments we've given to others. And that would be hurtful. You'll learn that it's better to be understanding than to be assuming.
So this is my article after a loooong absence here. I hope I still have not lost touch to my niche here.
Have a good day everyone! Thanks for reading!
It feels home...
It felt home. A teacher, classmates, lesson, listening ears, familiar setting, excitement for learning.
Perhaps, this is the ultimate reward. Despite complaints and dread for requirements and the unknown for the term ahead, every time I am already in the learning sphere, I feel good. At least during Math sessions.
I do not know with anyone else but that is what I feel when I'm inside the classroom, physical or virtual.
Last night, we had session from 5:30 to 7:30. The schedule is supposedly from 5:30 to 9:30 but we finished earlier, thankfully. I can't spend all those hours in synchronous classes. Even just after 30 minutes last night, the household was already rowdy. I already told them beforehand I will be having class. But some of them even comes beside me to make face and show unnecessary things to the virtual room. It's good that we are allowed to turn our videos off. Only our teacher had his video on.
We started with some sort of introduction. I told Sir that I was sorry I wasn't able to attend the past two weeks. I told him I had no excuses. Which is true. There is no point in lying. I am more of a loser if I lie. I honestly told him that it slipped my mind. I thought, *no worries Sir because you will see how good I am.* Of course this is just a simple declaration of positivity. Why not? I can make time to study and there is no reason for us to not do what is required of us. If we can make time, writing, definitely we can make time for other equally important things.
Our classmate started with her report regarding the applications of Mathematics as a Study of Patterns. What was notable was her discussion with Fibonacci Sequence. Every time Fibonacci is mentioned we also hear the golden ratio. I was just amazed how Math is very much applied to almost everything we see.
It's rather sad that Math is perceived by many as some threat to their academic records. Not all but many. On the other hand, those who happen to appreciate the subject can go a long way to pursuing them later in life.
I was really not into Math during my primary years. But after my older sister taught me a few lessons, I became a Math lover instantly. Until it became just my dream in college. I enrolled BS Mathematics. I was even dreadful that we had other subjects termed as minor subjects. Although I was interested in other areas before, as I decided to learn only Math, I became distant with all other subjects which shouldn't have been the correct approach back then. I've been a nerd but I realized that my knowledge was still not enough up to these days. I needed to learn more more more.
But as human persons, we also are prone to committing decisions that were really not what we've wanted. But since it happened already, here I am, with my family of my own now. Glad I have enrolled again despite everything.
I only have 6 units now because I don't want to take everything at once. 9 units or 12 units is already too much. 3 or 6 units will do.
I want to just 'pass' the subjects now so that there will be less stress. hahahaha. But I know that won't be my standards. But who knows, I really want to do away with too much pressure. What would be more important is that I understand the lesson. Right?
The second part of our session last night was a discussion by our professor about Set Theory. Honestly, it was only now that I was able to grasp the whole picture about set theory. Geeeeez... How come I did not understand it before? But then again, it may have something to do with my preconceptions and self-doubts about my ability learning the topic.
In set theory, we first were presented with few historical notes and figures then with definition of terms like, definition of set, universal set, subset, proper/improper subset, union of sets, intersection of sets, operators in logic (and, or, not, nor), etc.
Fortunately, I was able to follow in the discussion. The same things were discussed last term in our Statistical Theory subject. But the topic this time is more basic than last term. By the way our subject is combination of Math subjects. It's like general mathematics but just presented differently than in senior high school. I don't know, maybe they keep bugging us with subjects like this for refreshment of the mind. Hehehe. But then the resource and time is not a joke. But I'm not a curriculum developer so the best I could do is accomplish my assignments.
We ended our lesson with question and answer portion. Afterwards we bid goodbye with each other. It felt home.
String of Words
Out of the blue, hipag asked me again to solve her chemistry assignment. It was the second time for that subject. The first time she requested for my assistance, that was a few months ago but I declined. Chemistry is not my expertise.
She called me over messenger but I told her off. It really is not my expertise. And teaching her that would mean I will have to study the subject again because what will I teach her then if I won't browse book and internet? If it is Math, then I would be more than willing to lend a hand. But Chemistry? I could but not. There are better people or teachers for that subject. And in case she will get the answer wrong, I will be responsible. Just because I might teach her something off. Chemistry is quite different from Math.
I know she understands. I don't need to explain. It's simple, I don't know the subject. Period.
Back here at home, I'm quite guilty because I have not really invested time teaching my children. So it follows I can't really do more for other people. I used to but upon reflection, I will first teach my kids before teaching others. Besides I have no extra time to spare. I will spare time but should be for my kids first before others. That was also suggested by my spouse. But sometimes, I simply volunteer my service to willing kids. for as long as they are obedient. Just little effort actually but mean so much for them so why not just render it to the kids.
Life during this pandemic has been dream like. We wake up in the morning, do the routine and sleep only to wake right back up and do the same thing. But I have no complaints. My only complaint is having to be taunted for what I am passionate about. But that is a very old story in my married life. Anyway, we manage to just stay cool with each other.
RenLeaf is due to massage my head and take my nits out of my hair but he is nowhere to be seen. He asked permission to go play with other children and come back at a particular time. He failed his promise yet again. But I know how it is to be with others then its hard to go home. That I understand. Just hoping he'll learn as he play with others. But then my nits are already making me want to have someone scratch my head. But I can just scratch it. The other kid who use to play with my hair is busy with her module.
It still has not sank in me that I am stringing words to publish online. Just a few years ago, I was very afraid of essay questions. I realized the factors that made me afraid of essay. Actually, when I saw the essay question thrown to us by our professor, there came again a wave of dread with regards to it. I assessed calmly what is with me and I found at least 3 reasons why I dread essay questions.
First, I just don't like the pressure that comes with it. There seems to be expectation of you that you have to meet.
Second, I hate making errors or arguing with others. There is a tendency that if I just copy, I will be branded plagiarist, and when I answer with my own, that I will be condemned. But that is just my exaggerated thinking.
Third, there is just this fear in me that what if I don't meet expectation and that I fail to pass on time?
I know that I am a sage when it comes to advising students but when it comes to my own study, I'm like a fool, an ignorant, and nervous. It does not necessarily mean of course that I get low performance. It actually is the opposite. Not to brag but at least I get some recognition from classmates and teachers. But really, I want to grow out of the extreme worries and fidgety feelings. Still, I think my anxiety now is worse. Online study. Online everything. I hope I will make it to the end.
The initial set of questions asked of us were more of our opinions. For the next weeks, we will be having reporting. I am feeling my laziness come to the surface. I might float in my laziness. My attempt to drop my studies has been unsuccessful. But I am really thankful for my accidental enrolment. My friend assumed I will enroll so she enrolled me online. She has no clue what I've been thinking. Sigh. The phlegmatic me. Sometimes this temperament is really sucky. But of course, it also has its advantages.
Maybe, I just fail to acknowledge that I am in a difficult situation now. Mothering children, being a wife to their father, studying, teaching, tutoring, writing. Sigh again. But you know what? I think I should be grateful. No, not I think, I should really be grateful. During this pandemic, many were laid off and I'm lucky I still have my day job plus my writing rocket.
These string of words maybe what you call rants but these are also essential part of life. It helps us figure out what we need to and will make us realize that there is nothing more to feel but gratitude.
@FrieLincs
