You woke up one day and you see yourself in the mirror then wonder, when did I become like this? How in the world did I turn out like the one I see in the mirror?!
Slow down... Respect, my friend, respect. You shouldn't forget the struggles and the situations you faced in order to get where you are now. Some things turned out for the better while others became uglier. But it is not for you to condemn yourself for it. It is hard to see the balance all the time. Otherwise, how can you call yourself a human if you are perfect?
You did your best on some tasks while ignoring other aspects of your life. But as long as you remain healthy and pleasant, that will be more than enough to keep you going.
Remain strong. Don't falter. If you ever wish to consider resigning yourself, just chill out, don't think about anything. Then see your situation from afar. You'll be amazed that others are dying to take your place.
So while it's not yet late, do something worthwhile. While you can. No no no no, you are very able. It shouldn't even be a drag. Come on, jump the jumping jack if you must so you could shake the numbness in your system.
What has caused you to be stiff and unmoving? What has caused your bitterness? You are bitter? Think again... You like it, didn't you? You like the bitterness. No wonder, even ampalaya is delicious to many.
The next time you condemn yourself, think better. You deserve a pat in the back! You deserve to be appreciated. Go for a walk, straighten your back. Stretch your legs, take a deep breath, shout if you must, let things go! Or hold on to things. Depends. But make sure to keep it healthy.
Reflect and go back to the old times. Think of happy memories, but respect the ugly ones. Keep the balance in your mind. You have your faults, others did have faults, but the blaming game shouldn't keep on. There must always be a way out if we keep being positive.
So don't give up! You have a good life ahead. Actually, you've had a good life so far. There were ups and downs, crazy moments, dull moments, exhilarating experiences, heart aches, frustrations, etc... But those made life even more colorful and rich.
This is just self-talk and not a reproach. To look back to one's life and assure thy self may be one of the incited moments we can always give ourselves in order to be able to have a fresh new start at any point in our lives.
Meanwhile, the heavy rain has stopped. There are still drizzles from time to time but its already friendlier outside. What has made life easier nowadays than before would be the emergence of machines in my life. There has always been a washing machine but it was only now that I have allowed myself some help. So that deserves another something to be thankful of. I finally let go of my pride to hand wash everything.
Life is more bearable when you do not see mountains and mountains of laundry. Just few turns and you're done with the hardest part.
When did I become like this? It just turned out I became like how I am now. I lived my life. I bore the pain. I caught up with whatever life had offered me so far.
With the help of many, things or people, I was able to survive. Combined with my desire to live a life. I so wanted a life. And I was given it.
Whatever we become, we should try our best not to put the blame on others. We've had our pair of feet to have stand our decisions. We may have failures but sure we also had our successes. Glorious moments we basked in... But of course, sad moments we wallowed for sometimes.
I realized that there are times we feel so much dumb. But on we go and find our wit again. It doesn't do us any good to be stuck with the hole of ignorance. We must learn what we can. If ignorance could have been an excuse, then everybody should have feigned it in order to get out of tough situations. But it life doesn't allow that. We should always be ahead of ourselves if at all possible. Ahead in a way that we learn things, not brag about things that are not yet achieved.
You ask when did you become what you have become? The answer lies somewhere. Not in others but within you. You, you have the memories of your life. Only you know the answer to that question. The answer lies somewhere in you. Again, once in a while, it pays us well to look back and have a self-check.