You may be happy for a moment. But for that moment, it’s possible there were other hidden emotions which you didn’t realize. Which is why life is more complicated than we think it is yet could be simple if we wish to put it that way.
I observed that painters do more work than I used to imagine. They don’t only put one layer of color but more with their tricks that until now I fail to understand. I am not painter. The best I can do is draw another drawing while looking at it. I work best with only pencil and the black and white drawings. I even got some recognition from some of my sisters because turns out they saw the things I drew before that I did out of leisure. There were no android phones before and you will be able to spend your time more on other worthwhile things like drawing and reading. I really admire painters! I don’t wish or fantasize to be one but I really admire them. I am hoping that someday I will be able to purchase a painting that I could put up on the walls of my house that are still undecorated to these days. I don’t care right now because I have other things to do but I also wish for a beautiful home, one with aesthetic value. So I care after all.
When I watch animes, usually, the antagonists show anger, rage, and they go on with thoughts of revenge and other negativities. But when they’re stripped of their masks, they reveal tenderness, love, warmth, longing, love, and so on and so forth. Their histories of hostilities are mostly products of brutalities, abuses, or violence which they experienced when they were younger. So when they are faced with either near defeat or most probable surrender, they will reveal their reasons for being villains.
Life, people…
I noticed I have manic episodes where each episode is followed by anger or sadness. When I am laughing, it could be because I am really happy or I just wanted to cover something hurtful. And when I am angry or sad, either I am just at liberty to be feeling such emotions or I’ve exhausted my manic laughter. Anyway, I hope you aren’t worried about me because of the terminologies. I’ve learned to live with myself and by myself. I am the one who should be more understanding with myself because I understand myself. Enough of self-loathing, self-belittlement, and self-appraisal. So I should be thankful when I laugh and I should write when I am angry or sad. The Lord is good because He has been taking care of my emotions. Many have described my emotions as bipolar but I don’t have to add the word disorder. I don’t have disorder, I just feel extreme emotions with faster transition from one emotion to another than other human beings who are normal. We may say my emotions are abnormal but it doesn’t necessarily mean that I have disorder. But well, I could be wrong and I am just defensive.
It occurred to me that somehow, we experience these dark emotions in order for us to come up with life lessons which may lead us through to longer and healthier lives. Without darkness, we may just evaporate into clouds. So darkness is needed. Different shades of darkness.
And our thoughts are very much more complicated to convey. So sometimes, we need to decide on which thought to let out and support although we may be having contrasting thoughts. But we usually are unwelcome when we support opposite parties all at once. You’ll be judged as ‘no stand’, ‘no firm decision,’ and many more. So it’s best to weigh our words and just shut up if we can’t decide which way to go. Or just go without even thinking. So for those who usually have one mind, how great your life could be? Being a deliberate person sometimes is a pain. But sometimes it’s rewarding. Sorry if after all your deliberations you ended up a loser. But I say, it’s always great to be deliberate. Not sure though, it’s quite complicated.
I wonder why we’ve also come to this point where there are undies, followed by sandos and cyclings, then outer garments. They serve their purpose so it’s nothing to wonder about. So what we should do is put on our sweater because in a short while, it will again become cold even though it was a little hot a short while ago.
