So Little Time

I was overjoyed to see a manual while cleaning this morning. It was titled as Literature 2 (World Literature). I love books. You have the liberty to go back to them whenever you feel like reading or diving into them.

But lately, I just can’t find time to read. So I am tacking them neatly onto a side so I will go back to them during vacation.

There is just so little time. I have to choose what activity to do. The problem with me always is I have a lot on my list that I find it hard to finish doing everything. Room decoration (have not done such a thing), organizing things (just a little), sweeping the floor (not sure how many times), doing laundry (few times a week), etc (a little of everything).

There is just so little time. But I have learned to do things one at a time. It cannot be that we will do things at once. We just have to choose and let go of other things. Which is why I look up to those who can manage their time with their priorities.

I always believed that someday I will have the time to read. I remember that book about poetry and fiction. In the book were pieces and works of known authors. I really thought that I will have the time to read ‘someday’ and so I still have the book with me. But guess what, I still have not found the time to read it. There’s just so little time. Perhaps, I won’t ever be able to read it till I pass away.

I question myself, why can’t I dive into it? In the first place why did I not just study about literature or similar thing and had it as my major?

I was so young back then. I didn’t know exactly what I wanted. All I wanted back then was to study Mathematics and teach it and be good with my life. It would have been that smooth a career and life if not for other desires.

Now, I find myself longing for the other spices of life. But there’s just so little time and the best I can do right now is do my requirements and attend to my kids. I’m not sure anymore what versions I’ve created out of my reality. I forgot what I set as goal few weeks past. I forgot about my set goal yesterday or even what I will be doing tomorrow. What I’m sure of is that I have so little time.

I know I am being cynical and that at other times I will be a very different version of myself. But for now I am lamenting how little time I have. Or rather, I am wishing I will be just in my twenties and unmarried and I would read all the things I wanted. But I know given that time, I will just be somewhere taking coffee and eating my pizza.

To get this off my load, I will be scheduling a reading session once our vacation sets in. I think I have said another time that I will be doing house chores but this I deem important. I’ve become monotonous with my posts but this will do for now as well. Honestly, this is why I have this blog. To blog about matters that I wouldn’t be talking to my friends over and over. I hope you excuse me always.

I sometimes see myself as some empty can where outside is painted with a promise of something. Many times I would prod myself to just be realistic. So maybe I will just do what I can while I could. Starting with priorities and if this be the last thing I would do, then so be it. I have come to terms with the fact that while it’s good to have a lot of engagements, those that are worth it will do. Meantime. Wishing for luxury of time.

As soon as I have what I thought would be for leisure, I have other things like sleeping, playing with the kids, and having my nits taken out by children in the neighborhood.

Someday, amidst the ‘so little time’ cynic lamentation, I will be able to read what I’ve promised to read someday that day in the house back in the province. Where I had dreamt of poems and stories and lore and many more. Let me start with Lord of the Rings. It’s just what I am thinking right now. I will ditch things for a change.