In the quiet of the strike

I’ve become elusive of people in our group. Group who gather together to conduct this and that. I’ve become wary of the fact that they’re just doing their thing because of the higher up power over them.

But I’ve also come to realize that without the higher-ups then they wouldn’t be working until now. That’s the nature of things. I keep forgetting. What then do I want? What do I want? Why am I like this?

Allow me to describe what I am feeling. I feel like I’ve just been out of a tug-of-war. I’m not sure though whether I was the one who let go or was the one who kept pulling the rope. All I know right now is I feel a little empty. It’s good I’m liberated after all but I still feel a void in my heart.

This is I think an inevitability in life that we have to always see coming. When we so wanted to break off from some bond, we expect to bleed. But we have to do something to stop the bleeding. Otherwise, we’ll be left drained of blood and what life will there be left if we have nothing more?

It is always important to heal ourselves from unnecessary scratches and burns and cuts. Even self-inflicted ones. Not deliberate but accidental. I am not the suicidal type. I’m glad about that. My heart goes to you if you are such. Sorry about that. I want to live more. I want to go on living, despite all my problems. Just because I wanted to live.

I want to talk to the supernatural. To the God that I’ve always known. I wanted to believe in my religion. But why is my heart susceptible to doubt? What am I doubting? Why am I so unbelieving? I don’t wish to be struck by lightning or thunder or whatever for this unbelief. No not please! But it is my heart I am referring to and I am just describing it…

I believe in the Holy Spirit. I believe in The Father and The Son. I believe in the supernatural. Who am I not to hold on to Them? I’m just someone who becomes nothing without them. That I’ve tested over and over. But why such unbelief? Should I start prodding myself for furtherance of my spiritual journey?

I know what to do but I can’t move. I should just then bow my head and talk till morning light. That’s probably the best I can do.

I’ve always felt alone. But it always seems nothing because I communicate to Him. I can’t imagine life without Him. At the end of the day, I’m a lucky one for knowing Him even when I was not there during the time of Jesus.

No one can help us about this thing but ourselves. Like with writing, we’re also alone in this. We have to believe wholeheartedly. Let us not have second thoughts. In the moment of those second thoughts, someone else is working to get you to the other side. You could guess who that is.

I’ve always been on the run. I do not want to experience that again. I don’t like that abyss where I fell off. It’s dark. It’s dim. I’ve been easily overpowered by negative forces. I’m not going down again.

In the quiet of the strike I’m continuing with my halted devotion. Let me come to Him again. Seeking, asking, gaining His favor. May we all see the light coming from Him and may we all be blessed with the deepest desires of our hearts. I believe that each man’s deepest desire is in goodness and nothing else. We were all created in His likeness and no man is evil by nature. We have our conscience that convicts us for always. We can never be evil. We always long for goodness.

With a prayerful heart I end this article and try to finish the requirement I have to submit. In doing all those I will be on my knees asking for guidance. Isn’t that what we should all be doing? Who will guide us but not Him? It is only Him who can redeem us.

In the end I will be taking the rope and keep it aside so no one will stumble. I have to send signal to my group so they will know I’m fine by now. I’m always giving them a headache. I can’t ever feel liberated unless I get rid of my selfishness and negative attitudes.