I was enrolled. I didn't know.

So I decided not to enroll during the semester. I thought, I'd better relax and attend instead to my kids. I am tired studying. 😁

My friend who encouraged me to go back to school is a teacher at the university I am studying at. She campaigned so that I will enroll. Last sem, I was convinced so I enrolled. Fortunately, I finished the semester after so much struggle and dragging the self to study. It's graduate studies by the way. I long finished my bachelor's so you would guess I'm already considered an old lady. Not too old, excuse me.

Now my mind's on vacation. I told myself to never enroll again unless it is Theology or the like.

But hala!!! I opened my messenger yesterday after the conference we attended then saw her message that she enrolled me. I already have a schedule. It will be valid once I tender my downpayment.

I really don't know if I will be continuing or not so I have to really contemplate for, say, two days in case I come at a rational decision.

This made me look back at the previous instances where I encountered students who didn't know what their goals were. They simply went along the wishes of their parents. They were what we call 'undecided.' After their stints in high school, their school journey came at a halt.

Same with me, I no longer am the traditional person I used to be. Back in college, I was who they call studious (most of the time). I never flunked a subject and also, I finished immediately like any model student you would encounter.

As soon as I graduated my bachelor's I enrolled in graduate studies but was not able to continue because by then, my personal struggles began. How many years has it been that I was in and out of universities? Going back and forth on my promises to finish the soonest possible time. Last time I enrolled, I promised yet again to take it straight till I graduate. My academic program was set to zero so I have to take everything once again. Which interestingly, did not bother me at all. So what, I thought. This is the sad part in me which I genuinely hope would be replaced by worry instead of daringness. It's also good to worry once in a while. A healthy worry not the extreme one which becomes stress.

This time around, I am worse than ever. When I could not come up with a good decision after two days, I told myself to just stop! Mahirap ang pinipilit. Maybe, this isn't for me. After all these years, I should know better. But I became worse than ever.

Any advice, I take it but it all comes down to what I will be doing. I began resenting the people in our neighborhood who didn't have a degree. I just felt that way. I don't know why. But of course, this is not a good example. I should be thankful I had more opportunities than them. Not that I am comparing but opportunities are not given to everyone. I did not create it but was given to me. So perhaps I should also be responsible.

Therefore, here is an ideal scenario:

• Finish my graduate studies the soonest I can. Just I will finish it so that, that book of my life will come to a close once and for all. Just for formalities sake. In the end I will be the one who will regret it when I do not finish my studies. It might come very handy later when it comes to requirement for other opportunities. Though I am employed right now, we will never know what comes next.

With that I end my article with a pleasant advice to students:

• Fret not the struggles you will encounter while studying. If you are not able to finish one simple degree, how will you call yourself a professional later on? Don't be discouraged by little stones along your way. Throw them away then go on. Just take everything like they were a game and then you may enjoy every episode of your studies. If you're bothered by that one strict teacher, then be stricter still with her. Comply with everything and claim what you need to. Teachers should learn as well. Finally, just keep going... Pray more than anything else. I will, too.

I would have posed like this was an invention but that would be too much for me. So I just wrote it as is, me being the character in a true story. I really hope I'll be able to stop wrestling with my self. (But really, I'm tired studying...)

Wisdom be with us all as we try to sort the things out, which we need to do in our lives.

To myself,

If you can't decide, just stay and bloom where you are.

To my sponsors, thank you for your sponsorship! Kbye😂! I can't mention anyone though because it's still empty. So for those who wish to be mentioned, come and sponsor me. Thanks in advance! ❤