I could think. It is back to normal. Why shouldn't it? I have food to eat, shelter to call home, air to breath, ground to walk on, and many more. So there is no reason for the brain not to go back to normal.
But the above is just so smooth to be true. It may be true that we seem to have everything but those are just not enough. I personally believe that it will be Him who will eventually deliver us.
I am a jolly person. At least I could call myself that. In reality, I experience unusual sadness, insanity, and many more abnormal behavior. But I only realize things or my husband points it out after every attack.
But the good news is there is a way to battle such abnormalities. Let us recognize that we are impacted by problems that surround us. The biggest challenge for me has been my psychological wellbeing due to financial stress.
I know that financial problem is pretty common but if I may say I am one who has inherited the wrong mindset when it comes to dealing with my finances.
First, I have not been keeping a record of my spending and borrowing. I spend without having a budget. It's hard budgeting. I did not persist in researching tips for this. I took out loans from payday loans which has been making my life so tough right now.
Second, I keep secrets of my loans to my family. I thought I will be able to solve things on my own but the sad truth is I can't alone. I need somebody to help me.
Third, I always postpone saving.
A while ago, I was very sad. I should not be going to mass because I was sad. I shook my head vigorously and I was convicted that the more that I should go to church.
I went to church. I thought, I may be late but I will still be able to catch something. Good thing, the homily was only about to start when I got there.
The words were cutting through my heart. But I was still lukewarm. I was being dragged down by my debt. Why oh why am I here in this situation.
After the mass, we had some consolidation with our church leader. I was crying and sharing saying, "if only I will be done with my financial trouble then I will serve the Lord."
But then right there and then I was convicted that there is no bargaining with the Lord. There has to be a complete surrender.
I am then accepting all the consequences of my previous actions of borrowing. I am humbling myself. I will tolerate judgment from people. But I will keep my faith. My faith that in doing my best, I will eventually get through with all these.
I kept reflecting whether I should share this here. This isn't about religion. This is not about debate on who is right and who is wrong. This is about our salvation. Salvation from the deadly sins that are rampant nowadays.
I have to keep my faith. In experiencing such trials and tribulations we will be blessed more. Because we realize that the only thing that can save us is our faith. With faith we will repent from our mistakes and do our best in solving our problems.
Let us cast our worries to Him. So they tell us. I will then cast all my worries to Him. Let all the stress we experience diminish and be replaced by joy! There is joy if He is with us.
I wanted to be guided. I wanted to know the way to live life in His presence. How do we completely surrender to Him? How are we going to do it? How do we carry ourselves? What should we write about here? What character are we going to develop?
I want to let Him guide me to the answers.
Dor now let this joy be enough to keep me alive. Let it be felt down thru my bones. That not even my debts will make me worry. I will pay them but I need time.
He will be the one to show us the right path.
All glory to Him.
