Working through things you cannot change

Have you ever be so calm or loving or peaceful when things aren't going so well?

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Let me share some few stories where I was calm and after those incidents I was been question " why would I be so calm in that kind of situation?"..

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When I was in secondary school, this strange event occurred after we had completed our waec and I had to travel home with some friends who lived just next to my street and there was traffic, and we had been stuck in it for more than 4 hours, and we were already late, when the cops pulled us over and dragged the bus driver out and they all asked everyone in the passenger seat to come down.

The atmosphere became extremely stressful, and the fact that it was late at night meant that anything could happen and everyone was terrified and screaming but I ended up being a terrifyingly calm person throughout the event, and I was terrified, but I realized I couldn't do anything at that point and more importantly I knew that all what the police men wanted was money and eventually they gave them the money and they finally let us go.

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The second scenario involves my phone being stolen in our family's home during our grandfather's memorial service, which occurred since many people were present, including several touts on the street and this was because food was available and everyone was asking why I wasn't pissed off ... I was very enraged since I knew that getting a new phone would take time, but I kept my cool because there was nothing I could do in such a circumstance to get the phone back and what has been stolen has been stolen and what next is how I would get a new phone and be more careful about it for such incident not to happen again.

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The third incident occurred while I was traveling to my state to write my first post-university entrance exam at the Federal University of Akure (FUTA), and while returning, we had an issue with another vehicle on the road and all of a sudden We noticed the motorist driving at a high speed and cursing each other, but unknowingly to us, the driver that drove by us was really waiting for us in front of a forest and all of a sudden we heard a stone hitting one of the passenger meanwhile he was aiming at our driver.

I was terrified, but I remained cool since it did not strike our driver, and if it had, we would all have died in the passenger seat because there was a sloppy field next to where the he parked, and I was thankful for my life because if the second driver's plan had come true, I wouldn't be writing this article now.

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In all these three situations I was extremely calm and this was because of an idea and a phrase I learned that has really brainwashed myself into really understanding what I can't change.... And the phrase is from one of my grand pa story which he do tell and the phrase is “you can't change it".

The way he got this phrase was from a car accident right after which he bought his dream car back in his youth day and on the way home and he turn turtle his car... He could be pissed off about it, he could be sad about it or mad about it, he could be any form of emotional about it, but no matter any form of emotion he brings to the for front, he feels it won't change the circumstances....

That's the truth, since I'm not sure what emotions he's experiencing that would make the car feel the same way before the crash.

I couldn't change the circumstance because I was in the thick of it, and I don't think there was anything I could do to prevent it from happening, so the only thing I could do at the time was manage my reaction and this is because between stimulus and response there's space and in that space we have that power to choose our response and in that response lies our growth and free expression........ The stimulus was when the stone hit a passenger, and the response was when people started screaming and freaking out, and all I could do at the time was focus on remaining cool and it was my one last moment on earth, I would use it to appreciate everything I have and have gone through, including my hardships and successes.

We have complete control over how we feel in the moment, and how we respond to such an incident in a rush can often be fatal.

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