When I feel "My Mom in me"

Hi Readers!

It was a cold sunny Sunday of last to last year. I was preparing some snacks for my both school going kids. Their final exam were about to start in one month so I had given them introductions to focus on thier studies and I promised them to cook their favourite snacks but you know about kids habits. As a returned from kitchen they were playing and fighting with each other. " Are you both crazy? I told you to study and what are you doing? I shouted on them with full of anger. I just run behind them and they tried to hide themselves from me and run away to their father.

Finally I give up and asked them to finish there snacks first. I asked them to sit for study again. Whenever their father is not at home it is very easy to control the kids but if he is there they become a team and they play all the time. Me and their father had some bad conversation because of this that he his giving them extra support and distract them from study. But he alway smiled at me and tease me by saying "Okay Mama, Next time we will not do anything"

The day was finished and after completing the daily chore I just lay down on our bed and closed my eyes but few words and actions were still moving in my mind " Okay Mama" Next time we will not do that again". I know, my husband said that casually and even I don't mind it in heart if they play and enjoy happily. I know they hardly get a Sunday to spend and enjoy together.

Flash Back:

With closed eyes and while thinking all these I moved into my childhood days. I can see myself sitting with my 4 bothers (2 elders and 2 younger) in a govt school and we were waiting for school bell to rang so that we can go to our home and play together. We know our mom will be waiting for us with hot fresh dish to eat and milk to drink. Home is the best place for us. My mom was very strict for our studies although she was not educated at all. As she was house wife so her eyes were always on us and she used to interrupt us for small -small things. We always feel scared of mom's anger. As a kid we hate her strict nature and some time with anger I used to asked her many questions.

Mom why you are always want us to study? Why you are always running behind us for small-small things? Why are you always angry?

My anger on that day is at another peak and I through all my anger on her. My brothers moved into another room and started studying but I was not ready to do that.

I want answers of my questions Mom, I just said her very aggressively. Me and my mom were like friends because we were the only two females in our family but I put our friendship aside on that day. Mom didn't said anything and went in another room with tears in her eyes, some how I saw her eyes and her tears melted me. I started feeling bad on my act I went to her and said "I am sorry mom" I don't know what happened to me I hugged her and start crying.

Mom hugged me back and kissed on my forehead, it's ok my baby. I think I was very strict with you that's why you feel like that. No mom you are not strict "I am sorry". I was saying sorry again and agin to her. She clean my tears and said it's ok baby don't cry. Mom hugged me tightly.

You don't like my strictness?, Mom asked me.

No Mom it's not like that I replied.

Do you know why I am strict with you?

My mom to me, "I am living my dreams in you. I have only one regret in my life that I can't get chance to study because in our time there was no girl education was allowed. I went to school for six days only and that was because I cried a lot but after six day when ever I asked to go to school they slapped me and locked me in room. So in few days I stopped asking for that and they put me in house duties and at the age of 18 I was get married to your father".

I learnt to write my name only from my brothers.

I know that, only good education can make you good people in the society. We are not that lucky, your born in poor family but education can change your future. If you work hard in these days I will assure you I will die in good house and that good house will be yours my baby. I want you make all of you a successful person in life. Every parent want it but our conditions are different, thats why we have only one choice and that is "Education". Good in education will automatically open many doors for you and for your bright future. I know I can't send you in best schools and not in best coaching centers as well but what you have in these days is far-far better than mine time. Now society has start accepting girls education, Govt has opened many schools for increase education level. You are lucky that your father is allowing you to study.

This is the only reason I am always strict with you. Baby please try to understand, you can see my brothers one is Science teacher and one is Manger in bank now. Moreover what ever your father is earning in private job is all because of education. With these words I came back in my present life.

Present: I asked myself.

1) Am I also very strict with my kids?

2) Am I aslo dreaming my life in them?

3) Is their bright future will give me happiness?

4) for what we both are working?

Hold on, is it me? Or is it my mom in me?

Time has ran away and I am a mom now and I feel my Mom in myself:

when I talk to my kids.

When I share my feelings with them

When I love them.

When I cook for them.

When I work for them.

When I care for them.

I am feeling I am like my mom now, I become her shadow.

What I am doing with my kids is same as what my mom was doing with us.

Mom's love is unconditional, she love you as your are. What ever you are.

She don't asked for how much are you earning?

Her first question always is "Have you taken your meal?" Are you caring for your health?

I can't forget the sleepless nights she spent on me when I was not well. I can't forget her tears when she saw a small injury. I can't forget that she the only person who is at our side unconditionally without asking what is the matter.

Although we are also entering in old ages but we are still kids for our parents.

She never missed a single day without asking whether I reached back home safely Or not.

If I need any help or suggestions the first word came in my mind is "Mom''

Thank you very much sis @FarmGirl for giving me this topic to write. It was very difficult topic to write but as promised I tried my best.

I love you Mom...........