Just Random Thoughts

Warning: This is not special and important. It's just me and my random thoughts. Wala po tong sustansya, super random. If you want a story with sense, this is not the one you are looking for.

Hindi ko alam kung anong isusulat ko ngayon, my mind is full of thoughts na sa sobrang dami hindi ko alam kung pano simulan, hindi ko alam kung pano sisimulan at sigurado na hindi ko din alam kung pano ko tatapusin.

I have a different circle of friends. Highschool, 2 groups during college- with my seniors and with my classmates- my girl friends, and last but not the least my friends that I met when I was still in corporate. I'm easy to deal with, especially when I feel comfortable with the person. Actually, bawas na sila, because as time passed by, nakikilala natin yung mga taong andyan talaga at kaibigan talaga natin through thick and thin. Makikilala din natin yung mga taong andyan lang kapag meron tayo...but when the world gives us a tons of sh*t, mawawala din yung mga taong yun.

I started to distance myself from the voices of the world when my life starting to fell apart. My life was a pattern, the normal pattern of a kid. Study and graduate on time. That's why when I was in college, the hardest stage of being a student, I strived so hard in Advertising World so I can graduate on time, that's my goal. I used to be a happy-go-lucky girl. I'm a free spirit. I know what I want, I know what makes me happy. I have a lot of what if's in the past na minsan dumadalaw pa din sa isip ko, buti na lang kahit paano I learned not to live in what if's anymore, I learned to live in "even if", that's why I'm living with the "power of now" these past years.

I distance myself from the world. No "personal" social media, I don't update even my art account on Instagram. I distance myself from some of my friends. That's one of the hardest decision that I made, I do miss them, pero minsan sa sobrang layo ko parang hindi na ko makabalik. Kada bumabalik ako, anxiety kicks in and I have to gather so much courage just to see them again. Kinda weird, right? I don't know and I can't even explain. Even the words "kumusta ka?", most of the time, I find it hard to answer...even a simple "Okay lang, ganun pa din". I'm not always present in every get-together but I always include them in my prayers.

We're at that age that needs to focus on our lives. We all have our own battles to fight that's why I don't want to be a nuisance to them. I don't want to open my emotions as much as possible to anyone. It's better to keep everything inside me, I don't want to disturb my friends or other people. I'm not always like this, I'm a lively and cheerful woman, pero minsan hindi talaga maiwasan, yung okay ka naman tas bigla ka na lang malulungkot bigla, and if they asked me why? I don't know the answer too haha. Then andyan na si thoughts, andami ng ibibigay na isipin tas ako naman paniniwalaan ko. But I can easily shrug it off now, believe me, I'm done with my worst days that's why I learned how to control my emotions better than before. I don't have to believe everything I think, since my thoughts aren't always true.

I have few virtual friends that I'm comfortable sharing some of my personal experiences/stories. I'm so talkative even if they're busy and reply after an hour hahaha. Maybe because I don't have an officemate so I don't have someone to talk to everyday. I'm working alone too, most of the time, and talking to them even in a short period of time helps me a lot. Maybe they're not aware, but I treat them as my real friend. And when I feel that I'm starting to open up my anxiousness/sad story to them, I'll cut it immediately because I don't want to share those emotions too, I don't want to disturb them with those thoughts, because it's not that important.

I don't have to mention you here, you know who you are. I genuinely care for you guys. 💓

Like what I said, in my introduction. These are just random thoughts. So random na walang certain topic at all. I'm writing it at first with a heavy heart and ending it with grateful feeling. This is what I hate when my monthly period is coming. My mood changes so fast lol. Gonna end this non-sense post here. ^^