Following my recent article on the benefits of early marriage, and the comments generated From readers I felt it necessary to write about those important things that keep me going and strong in marriage for almost fifteen years now. This article provides answers to most of the comments received from the aforementioned article above. To those who asked how was I able to remain in the marriage for fifteen years given that I started at a very young age of 25 years, and those who think not having enough financial backbone can make it impossible to marry at a young age, the information provided on this article are enough to establish the fact that impossible is nothing when determination meets commitment.
I am not a marriage guru nor am I a marriage counselor but my experience in marriage is enough to teach anyone how to make a marriage work. I am not perfect neither my wife is. We made mistakes like everyone else, we fall and rise, we have ups and downs, we won and lost so many battles but one thing that we vowed not to lose come what may is ourselves. Yes, we vowed not to lose ourselves, after all those words we shared for better for worst isn't said for nothing. So how do we get here, how do we sustain a marriage from little to abundance and from nothing to something given the fact that we were just Rockies and inexperienced?
How to sustain your marriage
1. know where you are coming from
No marriage happened overnight. There must be a journey that leads to marriage as a destination. The experiences that you shared during courtship, the joy, and sadness, the promise you made to each other, and all the people that you forsake so to be together as husband and wife are strong enough memories to keep you together no matter the storm life throws at you. You must remember how from among so many available young girls you were the one he chooses. The same goes for the man, how among many young men she disappoints to chose you as the lucky one. I remember how my wife, then, as a young girl has to turn down so many young men who were better placed than I in all ramifications just to be with me. She denied herself of financial incentives and pleasure just to be with a struggling orphan who was having it hard academically. It was with a strong will that her parents have to consent to our union. Isn't these enough for two people to stick together for better or for worst? Your case may not be similar to mine because you were never an orphan, yet every marriage has an entrance and unfortunately, there is no exit except the one you created yourself.
2. Know the value of effective communication
Communication is the bedrock of coexistence and effective communication means effective coexistence. Communication is a critical part of the human culture that has allowed us to progress over time. Without effective communication, there will be conflicts and relationships crumble. Marriage isn't different. If you aren’t effectively communicating with your partner about how you feel, what you need, and what you like him or her to do for you, you leave your feelings isolated, alone, and on the road to nowhere. But if you learn to communicate with your partner often, and listen back, your goals and dreams will remain the same, and the feeling of separation that some couples experience will likely not happen. We learned to communicate just about everything, and no feelings are hidden from each other. This is how we learned what to do for each other. Every issue in marriage is recoverable when we master effective communication with our partners.
3. Play and Laugh always
One thing that makes marriage boring is when couples aren't playmates. Most feel too big and proud to lose themselves and play with their spouse. Go ahead, fart in bed. Do a pillow fight, run around the sitting, make fun of each other, call each other funny names. Always, always make each other laugh to releases stress. Don’t ever take anything too seriously. Remember laughing and smiling releases endorphins and you know what that means up there on the bed. Yep.
4. You must be your spouse best friend
Your wife or your husband must be your best friend if you want to enjoy a successful married life. Most couples lived estranged from each other so much that they feel comfortable confiding with a friend outside instead of their wives or husbands. This is the quickest way to kill a marriage. If your wife or your husband isn't your best friend, your marriage will certainly have an external influence from your so-called friends outside your home. Try as much as possible to be your spouse's best friend so everything about your marriage remains with the two of you only.
My wife is my best and only true friend. We go to every important place together. We shop, travel, and go to function together. If she is not with me I don't feel comfortable and complete. No third party between us, not even parents or a relative. Is been two of us all along since we got hinged. On no occasion have we called on anyone to settle any issue between us. We quarrel and settle as best friends. And like I said in my previous article, she is the yang to my yin.
5. pray together
This may seem hysterical to those who are not Christians yet prayer remain a factor in keeping people together. I and my wife are both Christians, we learned the habit of prayers earlier on even before we got married. It was prayers that keep us strong and going at the early stage of our marriage. We believe in God's words that He will provide for us, therefore we pray together more often. After all they that pray together live together. One of my wife's favorite saying is, "Let's pray about that." her willingness to involve God in our marriage and our life together has been a motivation to me. If you are a believer learn to pray together with your spouse. Prayers bind you together more than sex does. Pray together about everything, commit your marriage to the able hands of God, He will bear you through every storm.
6. Love and commitment
Love is a decision to give yourself committed to another person. It is far more than just emotion as seen on television, like what you watched in Bollywood or Zeaworld romance movies. Feelings come and go, but a true decision to be committed lasts forever—and that is what defines healthy marriages.
Marriage is a decision to be committed through to the end of life. Through the ups and the downs, the good and the bad of life, the love you shared with each other binds you together to whether the Strom. When things are going well, commitment is easy. But true love is displayed by remaining committed even through the trials of life.
7. Sexual faithfulness
One of the quickest things that destroy marriage is unfaithfulness in bed. Sexual faithfulness in marriage must be taken seriously to avoid pitfalls. The reason for most of the divorce in the society today is sexual unfaithfulness. Once a partner starts cheating there is bound to be pitfalls. Couples must be faithful to one another sexually. This is more than just the body, but also includes our eyes, mind, heart, and soul. When we devote our minds to sexual fantasies about another person, we denial sexual faithfulness to our spouse. When we offer moments of emotional intimacies to another, we sacrifice sexual faithfulness to our spouse.
You must guard your sexuality and emotion daily, and reserve it entirely to your spouse. Sexual faithfulness requires self-discipline and an awareness of the consequences. Refuse to put anything in front of your eyes, body, or heart that would compromise your faithfulness.
Finally, the place of forgiveness in marriage must not be overlooked because no one is perfect. Patience and forgiveness are necessary ingredients in a marriage relationship. For your marriage to be Successful learn to show unending patience and forgiveness to your partner. Always remember that you were two different people who came together as one and so there are bound to be differences that can be offensive. Only patience and forgiveness can help us handle these differences. Humility is also required when dealing with your spouse. Each one of us must humbly admit our faults and not expect perfection from our partner because it doesn't exist anywhere. And above all, revenge for an offense is not an option where forgiveness reigns.
As a young man, I always have the interest of reading articles and publications as regards marriage and family life. The pitfalls in marriage can be avoided and even blocked where there's love and understanding. Thanks a lot sir.