A test of faith

I can't believe that I am now becoming an enemy to my brother-in-law, the very eldest brother to my darling wife. Pleasing in-laws can be so sacrificial and exhausting. Just when you think you have done something commendable something else starts coming up again. Tradition is an enemy of progress and a bane to modernization. Using traditional rights to hookworm an in-law seems to mean enslavement and infringement to my right of giving. In-laws' relationship shouldn't be a thing of giving and receiving but a relationship that is built on love and moral support. Most in-laws feel very comfortable exploiting their sons' in-laws without thinking about the well-being of their daughters.

In some cases, when a son-in-law is struggling financially most in-laws have no regard for him nor their daughter. But as soon as things started working for the man messages upon messages started coming from in-laws for one need to the other. It's not a big deal for a son-in-law to care for his In-laws but when things are taken to the extreme it certainly doesn't bond well with anyone. There should be a balance, and I think a son-in-law has the right to set boundaries to how much he can accept or give when dealing with in-laws. When boundaries are not set abuse is inevitable.

I have had my fair share dealing with stubborn in-laws, and in me, I love to prove people wrong about the opinion they have regarding my status in line. At the time that I married my wife, I didn't have a job, I was still studying in my final year in school, and my wife was also a student as well. It was as though we have made the most terrible decision in life. But we have a dream and faith to make that dream a reality. I remember how my wife eldest brother laughed at us and called us names. He even went as far as to refuse to identify with his sister that is my wife at that time. During our wedding, he was no near to felicitate with us. Though other in-laws and my wife's family members were there, he was particularly angry that his younger sister was marrying a poor guy that was me.

Fast forward to today. I and my wife has by God's grace achieved the dream that we had before getting married. And here is the twist. A week ago, my brother-in-law called my wife who is her sister to inform us about his traditional marriage ceremony and needed our help financially to enable him to sort out the things that were yet to be done before the marriage ceremony day. As my wife told me we agreed on what we should do and the extend we can help. We sent a reasonable sum of money to him and also traveled down to support the marriage ceremony with our presence. It was as though I made a mistake for coming down to the marriage ceremony, as in-laws keep trying to get something from me one after the other. I did all I could do because I wouldn't want to put my wife in a bad light before her people.

Two days after the marriage ceremony, a call came again from the said brother-in-law, this time requesting that we join him to prepare for their father's second burial ceremony coming up in five days. The request has it that we come with a head of a cow, two goats, and the sum of #50,000 about $105. If you put together all the value of the things he requested from us it's over $400. You may want to know what this second burial ceremony is all about. It is a practice in most African tradition that when a son of a deceased father intends to take over his father's estate and landed properties he must need to perform some traditional rights involving sacrifices to the gods in honor of his late father. This is what is regarded as a second burial. Even if a father was dead 100 years ago, the son cannot freely take over his father's estate except he performs the traditional rights and rituals in honor of the dead father. This means my brother-in-law was actually asking us to sponsor his father's estate take over.

Normally, this wouldn't be a thing of major concern but being a Christian and a gospel minister means we are going to refuse to give anything nor participate in the said second burial ceremony. The Christian faith strongly goes against such practice and considers it barbaric and demon-worshipping. I and my wife have given our lives to Christ several years ago even before we got married and we have never looked back. Refusing to support these rituals means I have become an enemy to my brother-in-law and my wife's entire family members. Pressure has been mounted on my wife by her siblings who keep calling her from the phone to reconsider her position about the matter. But we have taken our position already and there's no turning back.

The ritual ceremony will be done tomorrow being 27th of April. I don't know how they have prepared for it but one thing is certain, no matter the pressure they may put upon my wife nothing is going to change our position. We know what our relationship will be from now on, we know the fire of hatred we will have to deal with from this incident, but like the historical biblical story of the three Hebrew young men who refused to bow to Nebodchadnezer exalted image despite the threat to roast them in a fiery furnace, we stand firm on our faith and refused to bow.

This will be the greatest trial of faith we would face since working in God's vineyard. I praised my wife's courage and resolve not to give a listening ear to the numerous calls from her siblings and other relatives. If she has allowed herself to be pressured the battle would have been on both sides for me. "God is my strength and my rock, of whom shall I be afraid"