Marriage story

"I see what is happening in marriages today, wives killing husbands and I am sad and angry. Sad because I know what it feels like to be in a violent marriage and angry that these women choose to kill and pay for it rather than just leave. My troubles started shortly after marriage. He wanted me to be a full-time housewife and so he forced me to resign my job.

Going to the market, the church or visits were strictly regulated . After weaning my last child, I became extremely bored with staying home and started nagging him to let me start a little business. He eventually opened up a shop for me but in less than a year, it was shut down and I was back home. He said I was out of the home more than I was in. When the beatings started, I kept it to myself. When it became frequent, I summoned the courage to run back to my family but only painted a mild picture of what was actually happening.

After some months, he came begging so I went back. One fateful day, my sister who lives abroad came to visit. While talking, my dentures fell out. She was so shocked and insisted on knowing how I came to lose all my teeth. In tears, I told her everything. She was furious and insisted on leaving with me immediately but I refused, hoping things would get better. It didn't stop. In fact, he started locking me in and left the house with the keys. I would only go out in his company. It took me some more beatings and broken ribs before I finally left. That day, I gave him no hint. He had not hit me in a while and was no longer locking me in because of my daughter that was home from school. I went about my chores as usual waiting for him to leave for work. What he didn't know was that I had made arrangements for a truck to come move my things. My daughter knew and had made the plans with me. The other two were in boarding school. Together, we moved everything I had in that house.

With the help of my family, I relocated and by the time I returned, my other two children were ready for the University. He wouldn't let me take them at first but since he had stopped providing for them, they all escaped out of the house at different times to come be with me. Single handedly, I saw three of them through school and they're all adults and working now. He doesn't care about them and that is fine because so long as I'm alive, my children will not lack. If I had stayed back and died in that marriage, I don't know what would have happened to them.

Now I tell my girls, if they do not want to get married, it is fine. But if they do and I suspect they are experiencing the slightest violence, I would literally pull them out of that marriage because no marriage is worth anybody's life."