Managing Emotions

You may feel you are a hard person till it happens to you and you realize how vulnerable you are. I felt same for myself as well.

I had a friend who was really close to me and we shared alot together. I don't enjoy having any issues with my close friends because they are a handful; less than 10 people. And I try to keep tabs on them and show genuine interest in their lives.

One of them started feeling funky one certain time and wanted more than just friendship; she wanted a relationship. She knew it was not possible, but noticing my fondness for her, she decided to take advantage of that and perhaps punish me for my personal decision on declining a relationship.

So she provoked me on purpose and walked away. I was angry and sad at the same time, but I controlled my temper. I'm rarely moved to anger for a lot of reasons, so I just let it be.

But a funny thing happened the next morning. I woke up very early around 2:00am, sat at the edge of my bed and couldn't stop thinking why she had to behave the way she did. I was so angry that I wanted to call her, but I didn't.

I simply packed half of the clothes in my wardrobe I've not worn in a while and went to wash them. By the time I was done washing, I felt sleepy and went to sleep again.

It was a Saturday. When I woke up, I realized I was still thinking about what she did and couldn't understand why she had to do that. So I packed all the already washed clothes and this time around, stared rewashing them with my hands to pass time for a longer period. LOL! Son of Nebu and things have been doing a long time ago. But that never worked.

So I had to stop running away from confronting my emotions. I sat down and considered what might've been going through her mind when she did what she did. That was when I started realizing I might've been the one who brought home the ant infested firewood into my house.

By giving her more attention than my other friends even in their presence, she felt elevated and special. She got more gifts than others too and even if she does something really bad, I rarely got angry. Unlike how I am mean at confronting others. And having felt that way, she felt there was no other way to go than a relationship. But when I was not on the same page, it shattered her and made her feel like she was not enough for me.

So I decided to call her and apologize because I realized I made her feel a lot of things I was not ready to reciprocate. I did.

We have long moved past those days, changed cities and rarely keep in touch these days.

But I learnt something very important from what happened between us; if you're not ready to put someone in a position in your life, don't make them feel that way. Like they say, don't let your body language suggest you really want more when you don't.

I also learnt it is important to speak up. When it comes to emotions or feelings, it is never static. You need to say what you feel in very clear words to help the other person understand what you have in your mind. That is why we need words of reassurance from our loved ones intermittently to remind us we are loved, valued, cherished and respected.

So here's a lesson worth sharing with your friends and loved ones; as often as you can, communicate how you feel and if someone is doing things you're not comfortable with, let them know and if need be, distance yourself from them till you feel better.

Till we get to the Promised Land, I shall be waiting for when you will pass me a glass of water and thank God for the gift of grace for the race.