Thinking Out Loud.

#From my diary

It is not in the skies to hold our destiny but in ourselves. We dream then doubt, love then hate yet life remains empty and not worth it without dreams and love.

Never for once did I ever thought that I'll be exactly where I am today. Even as a boy who was young and naive, I never for once imagined that a time will come when the true meaning and cacophonies of survival will hover around me to reveal that emptiness and unworthiness I feel without a glimpse of my dreams and a kiss from a beloved who my heart will beat for.

I've searched and surged for love but wait a minute because I mean true love. I've found myself in relationships which only lasted on bed, lusts and personal desires intertwined in greed and mania of loneliness thus causing me more pains than loneliness itself.

If you asked me five years ago, I'd scream on top of my voice with lights glistening in my eyes saying, "Dreams are everything". Sadly, that perception about life faded with yesterdays and its darkness like stagnant water on a pot hole.

These days, I barely dream except that I take life one day at a time; one step at a time with hopes and a mustard faith dancing in my thoughts as I put these words together for my eyes to see while my lips read.

I know I'll make it, somehow. But for now, my life is just an artwork that hasn't been finished because I'll need to learn, grow and find some colours for my soul in order to prove myself worthy of the goddess life has bestowed for me.

They say when you have nothing then you have something to prove but how about when you've got something, wouldn't it be placing yourself in a situation where you have something to lose?

It will be my birthday soon and I'll be obliged to celebrate it as I tick the date on my diary. But I'll have to face the fact that birthdays take one closer to ones death day knowing that a day will come when my presence, smiles and potentials to make someone's world a better place will disappear into thin air like I never existed yet I know and premeditate that honor and respect my children and their kid's kids will wear on their face with shimmers of delight when they talk about me and my once upon a time on planet Earth.

I've been a failure. Failed many times in diverse walks of life including my personal growth. I've lived like a tramp wandering round town in the middle of the night while my mates slept peacefully at the comfort of their bed and luxury.

I've seen bloody wars with guns involved at the same time when my peers were studying and doing chores to impress their parents so never compare me with your top five writers because most of them might not come back from where I survived.

Please I'll love to use this opportunity and emotions to extend an honest thanks and appreciation to everyone here in this community and read.cash as a family who takes time to support and encourage my blog. I really do appreciate you guys.