I'm Not A Mother Type But I Am Trying My Best

I know most of you admire me for being a mom, but let me tell you now that I am not a mother type for real. I find it hard to handle kids' tantrums, I am not a sweet mother too. I mean I cuddle with my daughter I always do that, maybe what I am trying to say is that I am not a “spoiler mom” and this is related to how I grow up. I grew up in an unpleasant environment, and I know the world is tough to deal with because I dealt with it on my own.

With that, I want my daughter to grow up brave and independent like me, and her grandparents spoiling her a lot made me think, that I am not a mother type. I don't even like the idea of having a new child, coz to me my daughter is too much to handle already but if God will give me another kid, of course, I don't have a choice but to act as a responsible mother still.

I don't like kids having tantrums

I know, nobody likes to have tantrums kiddo.. who likes to deal with that right? The reason is that I can't handle kids with tantrums well, maybe because I grew up being an obedient kid. How sure I was that I was obedient? Well, my mother says so, who would like not to obey when you have a monster mom? So I don't have a choice when I was a kid, but to obey orders.

This is why I also adopted that character, I want a child to be obedient and I don't have that long patience to persuade them to be good. If my daughter can't obey after asking her 5 times or more, I spank her. My patience is too short, this is why I always felt like I am not a mother type. I can't deal with kids well.

My husband knows that, and he is like that too haha. Sometimes I pity my daughter because she has parents that are short-tempered but what can I do? If she no longer listens to me because she knows her grandma will side her. She always interferes whenever she was acting up that's why I always got annoyed even more.

This is also the reason why I am so eager to learn new skills, hoping I can find a stable source of income soon with it so I can live separately. To live on our own with peace. I don't like other people interfering with me a lot. I am not used to it anymore.

Going back to the mother thingy, I can't imagine raising a lot of kids too.. just like I said, I don't have more patience, and having more kids means more headaches. Kids in this generation are hard to deal with, unlike our generation who can understand one instruction, and are polite and obedient. Most kids nowadays are advanced, they already know what they want and try to do things on their own without listening to elders' instructions and advice..ending sometimes they get hurt or worst ruin themselves, especially teens.

But as a responsible mother, I still do my best or give my best just to guide the daughter even if it seems tough to me. I admire those parents who have two or more kids, if only I can buy patience I'm gonna be a hoarder for sure.

It seems it is not my calling to handle a lot of kids

Aside from not being so good at dealing with kids' behavior, I also have some goals and wants for myself, and having more kids can hinder it, just like learning new skills to build up myself. The explanation I can give for this is that I am an ambitious individual too. I have ambition for myself but time didn't give me a chance to pursue it before stepping into motherhood. It's like, I wasn't able to build something for myself before I support building or shaping my child's future.

I believe I can achieve something great, I only need chances to make it. But since I am a mother now, I'll just do my best to balance things out.. to achieve something I want and to be a good mom, despite I can see I don't have the right skills to be one.

This is why I don't have plans to have a lot of kids.. coz to me, it isn't my calling. Above all, more kids means more EXPENSES!

Lead Image: Jon Flobrant via Unsplash