I'm Lost Once Again!

It's been a week since I haven't posted anything in read.cash and in my noise.app account as well. I am actually feeling lost, I lose my enthusiasm for everything. It's like bad luck is on my side. I don't know how to start again, I was just around the corner though but I don't have the energy to engage and make content. I keep watching Cdrama series movies to alleviate my mood.

Just last week I was hopeful and energetic because I got hired for a freelancing job but it ended after a month. It made me sad, although the job is very time-consuming and burning me out I still hope I'll be retained as I need income because my husband is still waiting for his ship onboarding on December 12.

The job has 3 rounds of assessment and I failed the third round as the topic was really hard. I had a hard time explaining the body of the post. If I only know they'll base the final assessment on my last post I should have picked another topic. Oh, what's done is done, I can't do anything about it anymore. I spent a lot of time doing research on the topic. I even started writing the additional questions as I don't know how to construct the main discussion first.

It was my second failure in pursuing this freelancing journey. The first one was my Upwork client who tried to ditch me. Pursuing freelancing is really hard, especially if you don't have solid experience because the competition now is very high. I just admire Florie who can get clients easily, but I understand that she's already experienced since she started pursuing freelance writing last 2020.

Another thing that saddens me is the crypto market. Just last week I was seeing a light at the end of the tunnel as the crypto market rallied as if it starts to recover. Some of my stuck trades hit the sell limit made me gather stablecoins and I was starting back to trade again. But shit happens when the FTX exchange got squeeze causing FUD all over the crypto space. Although I don't have $FTT the native token of FTX, the night before the crash I bought $SOL and other coins to do short-term trade.

$SOL was badly affected because of ALAMEDA, they are known to be one of the biggest holders of $SOL, and this created FUD that they'll sell SOL as they are affected by FTX drama. Many are selling and unstacking their SOL causing its price drops drastically.

Just when I thought I'm seeing a little light at the end of the tunnel, turns out it was just a little hole causing a little light to penetrate and the ending of the tunnel is still uncertain.

I was devasted, I felt like I was really unlucky. When I bought the market will crash by almost -50% of my buying price like what the hell??

I know losing a gig is not the end of the world. I gained a lot of knowledge with it and I can even apply it when I started to push in creating my own blog website, it's just that I was thinking about the extra income I'll earn can help our daily expenses. I don't have plans to settle on that gig but to gain experience, didn't think it will end just so fast haha!

Plus the market shitting us, I know it's not just me who suffers this another crash of the market. We are all affected by this, it's just that it happens that I fail at my job as well ugggh!

You might laugh at me, as I was so hyped sharing my journey and now I'm sharing my downtime. But I don't care, I just want to share my feelings about being lost right now. I don't need you to pity me, I can start again.. I might stumble a lot but surely I will never give up.

Compared to other stories I've read from others paving the road in freelancing mine is still shallow. Indeed, there's no shortcut in everything you have to endure failures and rejections, it's like time and chances are trying to sharpen you before you get what you want.

For now, I'll get back slowly..as for crypto, I don't know what to do with it. I can't sell it at loss, like oh my gosh! Buy high and sell low, I kennaaaat! ughhhhhhh.

Lead Image: From Unsplash