How did your mom/parent raise you?

I and my mom were not in good terms when I was a kid, she used to hit me, spank me, and beat me even for some lame reasons. Every time she raised her voice with an angry tone before, I am scared already. Scared she will beat me again, even if I didn't make mistakes, even if it was my sibling's mistake. She will blame everything on me. She will tell me that I am the daughter of a demon, that I caused all her misery. All the shits in life she encountered were because of me.

Why did my mom do that to me??

Simply because she got pregnant, and my biological father flees right after. She was left behind facing all the misery and take all the responsibility of raising me alone. All her agony was drifted to me, I endured everything. Even at my young age, I understand her, I used to understand her. But at that time even if I didn't complain, I wonder. I wonder why she blames me for the results of the uncertain actions they committed. I respected my mom, I respect her a lot.

Emotional and Psychological effects with her treatment towards me

Everything we encountered in life will have psychological effects on us, may it be good or bad. As for me, due to my experience, I am a loner when I am at school, I just sleep a lot and don't talk so much, because of that some of my classmates bullied me. I felt like I am living in hell, dealing with all the bullies from our house (I cannot consider it as my home, because it tortured me) and from school. Some of my classmates also bully me for being fatherless, that I came from a bamboo just pop out of it without a father (Anak sa liking kawayan) those things happen to me nobody knows about it, I didn't tell mom because she doesn't care in the first place.

I graduated elementary with good grades and with good behavior records, as I am quiet and I behaved well in school. When I was a high school student my behavior changes, from a silent person into bold. I used to cry alone before but when I was a teenager, I totally shifted I became a rebel. I regain guts, confidence, and being fearless. I don't even fear my teachers when they scold me, when they will cast me I just shrugged it off. My classmates will pity me right after but me? I don't give a damn. I started to learn how to drink alcohol and all the things that will ruin me (I even take drugs before, good thing wala pang tokhang before 😂). When I reached college, I was the same. I still sleep in class and do whatever I like even if that class has a terror professor. The professor will call my attention and scold me in front of my classmates, some people think about it a shame but me? as usual, I don't care. But later, I was close with that professor because even if I am an eloquent student I still have a passing grade. It pissed me because they keep calling me during the discussion to answer their questions. I became a person who doesn't care about anyone or anything at all.

My mom? well she's still treating me the same, but one time I was drunk and got the courage to speak up, to tell her how I feel, and told her to stop blaming me because I never ask her to be my mother. She couldn't believe what I did to her, she still insisted that it's not easy and blah blah blah. So I just left, we were supposed to be enjoying that night since it was new years eve. I left even if I was drunk, walk in the darkness and waiting for the bus, I went to my friend (If you happen to read my article My best friend backstabbed me it was her). From that day on, I left our house for good. I work my ass off and feed myself at the age of 17 years old.

Until now, I never met my father. They said he died already. I don't even have a middle name because I used my mother's maiden name as a surname.

Now? well, I can say everything is fine. We are on good terms with my mom, since the day she had known she will be a grandma. She is doing her best to cope with all the things she had done to me. And I already forgive her, after all, she is my mom. But the damage had been done, I might forgive her but I cannot forget everything since all of it had an impact on my growth. But I am still thankful because I have learned to be strong and how to defend myself, that the world is crueler than my mom. I am also thankful, I found a person who understands me and helps me to be a better person (my husband). It's hard to repair a broken soul, but with the help of others you will get through with it.

So, to all moms and parents out there, please be cautious in raising your child because the way you treat them will reflect on how they behave. Home is the main foundation of our growth. Protect your child, at any cause. Never be the reason or one of the reasons for their misery because after all your child didn't ask you to be their parents. Be responsible enough to stand on your actions without blaming other people.

To all who had the same experience as me, never give up. Life may get hard, harder, and harder but you must tougher than that. If you think of wasting your life, stop it. Find ways to be in the right path again, our existence has a cause and makes the most out of it. You have to endure it so you will have a great story to tell, later on.

P.S I didn't write this one to make my mom look bad, people make mistakes what important is that they realized and accept their mistakes. Actually, I cannot tell this story to everyone before because I get too emotional when I remember everything but now? I am not anymore, maybe because I already moved on and accepted everything whole heartedly.

How about you? How did your parents raise you?