My childhood is not that good since we had so much of a Calvary that I can say made me become mature as early as 12 years old. Especially when I lost my father in a way that they call "shameful death".
Why? I will try to see if I can have the courage to make an article about that.
But because of these struggles I had a lot of Questions that popped from my head that were left unanswered.
Why did Papa has to leave us early?
Where is God when you need him most?
Why ME?!
Why did Papa has to leave us early?
It was the darkest days of my life losing my father in just a blink of an eye. I had many dreams for our family but just a tragic moment and mistake we lost the foundation of our Family. Someone who is supposed to save us from people who mock us for being poor is gone and we have no one to turn to but our Mom.
My mom is not so used to engaging with other people because she is too shy for that but when my father died she had to come out of her shell. I know death is uncontrollable and we really cannot tell who is gonna be next but for such a young age without a complete family plus I was the eldest did not help with the usual struggles we had day by day.
Where is God when you need him most?
Was there a point in your life when you get to question, God? When it feels like he is just letting you get hurt and looking at you without doing anything? That is what we felt before. Losing my Papa was already a cross that til now makes my heart bleed then there's an added struggle of not knowing where to get food to eat because my mom would just earn a lil and because my Father got sick before and has been hospitalized for many times we lost everything. So every meal we had to pray that some relatives would drop by so we could ask some food or that my mom could have earn bigger from making some necklace and bracelets made of seashells. It is never enough for us 5 with a 1 and 2 year old who needed Milk. Sleeping with a growling stomach? I was like, God? Am I not too young for all these?
Why ME?!
At some point of my life I was lucky. When I graduated I then got hired. My college life may not be so easy but at least I was able to graduate. But then just before I could even celebrate my anniversary I got sick and got hospitalized. Being the breadwinner of the family by that time it took a toll to my siblings that they had to experience being hungry again plus I had to rest for a month. Like seriously? Can I just have a peaceful life?!
Questions after questions! We were called lazy with those relatives are rich and were asked to "WORK HARD til we DROP!" because we are poor! There was even on time when my aunt told me,"You have no right to get some rest. Go find a job and work on while you study!"
Only God knows how did I try to look for a job though but I was not hired because well who get hired with a growling stomach and could not even properly answer a simple question?
My mom also tried to find a job and gladly she was hired as a Utility/Maintenance or shall we say Janitor. Our neighbors then started to mock us saying my moms job is dirty because she has to wipe other people poo in a comfort room! But we never cared though deep inside its affecting us mentally and emotionally.
Then I one person I met told me,"You are loved by God so much that he does not want you to forget about him".
From then on, I tried to brush off that feeling of questioning him WHY ME? Instead I change it to WHY NOT ME?
I get to realize that all those struggles made me who I am today. I am not rich or (not yet HAHA!) but at least we can eat more than the usual meal. And I promised to myself if ever I become a mother I will never let my child sleep with a growling stomach. So far for like 3 years of being a mom of two I was able to fulfill that. Hopefully do help me pray that I can continue to fulfill it in a lifetime.
Hi! Tried to pull a lil courage to join this Writing Prompt. I am a newbie in this platform and I hope I could get along some people in this Community. I just tried to participate. I named Expressionless but I am the contrary!
The rules are simple.
Write about questions
Write 100% original content
Write at least 600 words
Tagging @JonicaBradley
Have fun!
So far these are the people that I have engaged with in this platform:
@tired_momma @Jane @Jeaneth @Charmy @Ruffa@MizLhaine
I sincerely hope you do not mind me tagging you in here.
...We would questions after questions, WHY, HOW, WHAT, WHERE, WHEN?...
...You maybe asking now when will I be lucky? and so on but always remember, what we are going through is a consequence of our choices or our love ones which affected us... Nevertheless, we have to continue and move on. Move forward because the world will not stop just because of your tears and emptiness or unanswered questions...
Thanks for the tag, I was not able to see this notif, and I wrote mine too last week. I hope that you have answers already to some of your questions.