Cues to Know You are in a Toxic Relationship

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Written by

I am the contrary of my name...

2 years ago

Topics: Communication, Learn, Purpose, People, Personal Life, ...

Writing this article for those people who are in a serious relationship yet can never distinguish whether what they have with their partner is something toxic and needs attention.

You see, the reason why we call them partner is because they should be the best go to person for everything.

Ika nga,"karamay sa hirap at ginhawa, sa kasaganaan man o kawalan".

Please see these red flags:

Putting you down and treats you like you are not good enough or have not done anything right.

You partner should be the first person who either push you to be at your best or give you advice and say you have done something wrong straight to your face but love you still. Of course may depend on that "something wrong". What I am trying to say is, in life, we fucked up at decision making and for me that is normal. We commit mistakes. We get confused between what makes us happy and what we want to do versus what is approved by other people. Having a partner should make every bit of a heavy burden felt lighter because you have someone to voice out what is on your head.

Personally, I have my upside down especially with the pressure that I always go through at work. At times, when there are a lot of things needs to be done and a lot of adjustments or changes which I hate a lot because I always feel that anxiety I would run to my partners arms and cry until I feel better.

He would just let me and ask me questions once he felt that I can speak up. And when I tried to go out of my comfort zone he was the first person who told me, go ahead I will be here to support you.

Our relationship is never perfect but I totally appreciate those little things he do to me to keep my peace and I am praying and hoping he would continue to do the same all throughout our lives.

Emotional Abuse- whenever you start feeling like it is all your fault. When you start to question yourself worth and blame yourself for what's going on because that is what your partner is pointing out too.

So this is somewhat related to the first one mentioned above but really, there couples that I have observed that one has a very high ego while the other would have to be the one to chase. I hate the scene to be honest but for me personally I would rather swallow my ego than lose the love of my life but pretty much if I reach my boiling point I get to act strangely like I still talk to my partner with a straight face and he knows already that he is in trouble because I would give him the same cold shoulder until I feel better.

I am always the person who ask for forgiveness and the type of person who cannot sleep while we are in argument while my partner is the type who would choose to sleep or avoid me. I actually asked him one time regarding that behavior and told him that hurt me the most but he mentioned to me though that it is better that way than talking to me while he is at his peak of his emotion and he might say something that he would regret.

Everything is about them and never about you. It is when your advise or opinion feels like it does not matter to the person or no value.

Especially when you are living together. It is very important that you discuss openly anything and everything under the sun. For me, it matters when my partner would ask me what I like to eat during meal time or if I would prefer going out. I like it when I am asked to go on a date at times when I have money or receive some incentive of course it feels great to buy something for myself but I would never forget to also ask him what he likes.

One thing as well is grooming. Sometimes I hate it when my partner would not go to the barber shop regularly. I want someone neat and clean. Someone who won't look like a mere "boy" when we are together. I hate to see him with long hair or beard though if he wants it that way I am good as long as he knows how to maintain it.

You have a hard time communicating especially when it comes to financial matters.

I will not deny but this part is something that me and my partner is having a challenge right now. You see, he got used to me being the one to look for ways on how to survive each day while he would just look after our kids. He has been complaining about us managing our own expenses alone and not include my extended family (my mom and sibs) but who am I to turn my back to them?

My sister is an achiever and she is about to go to college which I know that I should be the one to support but I am also aware that it would be very hard for me because my salary won't be enough as a breadwinner. My partner wants us to just focus on our own children and family but really, I cannot turn my back to my mom and siblings. I have 2 siblings who are already working though and they are somehow helping out but I really cannot depend on them to help since my other brother already has a live in partner and basically planning to build his own family while the next brother who is also working earns minimum wage and would give a little amount to my mom but really I do not want to pressure them with all the burden in the family because I want them to enjoy life. I want them to buy those that I cannot buy for them. Like I really wanted them to experience spending their money for their own being. Unlike me that when I started working I have to work my ass off just to earn for a living and up to now I am doing the same.

The good thing is my partner can now support little of our needs since he earns as well though not that big but compared before it was really a great help for me. But on financial matters and when talking about my family it is something that I am really having a problem with.

Not letting you go on a trip with friends or workmates.

ME time is really important to everyone. There are times when I would decide to go somewhere alone like window shopping and eat some food that I love to eat. Good thing my partner would just let me. When asked if I can go with my workmates for our planned team building he is fine with that as well. Unlike other partners who would say NO right away.

There are times when we needed to be alone and just pamper ourselves. If you go back to the 4th details my life is never easy and very pressure. I wanted to quit from my job for a very long time but I just can't because if I do I would be broke and no one would support my mom and sibs much more my children.