Is it okay to talk with EX about moving on?

One of the filtered thoughts most of my friends is that; Ex is ex, avoid conversation or anything that will remind you about her trace. I get that; I nod, for that was maybe from their past relations. But for me, I disagreed with that. Avoiding her or your ex doesn't make sense; what if every time you will see each other? Shall you hide every time?

Sunday night (July 10, 2022), one of my past chatted me through the messenger social media. Of curse, it's just a casual 'hello' and how was life going on. Having a good relationship with my ex-girlfriend is a blessing because I don't want to lose a friend, yet I know the boundaries between us two. The chat will never be like the past, and of course, respecting her as part of the job since our first day was genuine.

It's just that kind of mutual understanding that we split in the way of peace, not with fights of matter of cheating and anything terrible. The story is that we don't find ourselves in the availability of time, we both struggle in a career as a fresh graduate in University, and cooling time leads to something that we both agreed to be free from so much stress.

One day she chatted to me again, asking things like usual done by a friend. And she told me she was with somebody else. Honestly, I faked out, 'ow I am proud of you; sometimes found worthy of your love' that I respect them and I am on their side, not the villains or anything like that.

Things become weirder and weirder when she's saying something I tried not to understand, for I don't want to interfere any more with them. Even though she chatted and I saw the moment, I will reply after an hour, just that I am not too interacting and making myself available. I am men too, and if I am the boyfriend and I could see a message of my girlfriend talking to her ex is something that will black me out.

Also, I am afraid that she will be hurt if ever the boyfriend finds out; I never hurt her physically or emotionally? Yes, I did.

Back to the main story, I was shocked about her message asking, "How to move on." Honestly, I was puzzled at the moment. Is she referring to how to move on from me or somebody else? Or is she asking how I moved on? I am a bit pressured to ask things about things from her.

But how do I move on?

I don't remember how; it's just that one day I woke up with a light feeling, but that did not happen in a single day or weeks; it took me months after she said she was with somebody else. I just did it to distract myself, never ignoring them or reacting to their social media post; it helped me finally break the chains.

I said, 'you don't need to move on by forcing yourself,' which happened. It's getting more cloudy and black when we are forced to move on, not just in any failed relationship but also in careers and studies. We question ourselves, our worth, and anything related to the issues within our darkness.

I admit that I was hurt seeing those posts of them in the first and second months, but I don't block or ignore them. We were in the same field of career; somehow, we would meet no matter what shortly; it's much more awkward if I missed her or them for the rest of my life; also, I wanted some peace of mind and energy that had never been exposed to hatred and injustice.

Or maybe because men can hide things more than females in deeper feelings. We could hide that we never get hurt even if we are in pain and panicked, so we can't look awkward; well, it's not in gender stereotypes but self-thinking.

For those coping up or moving on from something, I suggest you don't force yourself; healing happens as time goes on, and never skip the process.

Thanks for reading...