Hello everyone! Before anything else, I just want to introduce my self here even if no one is interested. I'm erzel, 22 years of age and I'm proudly pinoy. I'm also part of LGBTQ community. I'm a bisexual and today I want share how I start being bisexual. Sorry if have a wrong grammar, I'm not professional in english. It's hard for me to talk in english but I hope you enjoy!
Being part of the LGBTQ community is one of the hardest situation you need to decide. Being part of this community is not a joke. Many people will judge you about your personality. You have a different side, someone will tempt you until you reach the point where you cannot go outside your house because you are shy about being part of this community.
When I was in second year high school, I had 5 girl friends and I think 3 boy friends only. I'm the type of person that I will not approach you, if you're not the one who approach me first. I'm a shy person. Then, one day the beautiful one girl approach me, she's not just beautiful, she's kind, friendly and generous.
The days go by, I always want to see and talk to her. I don't know why but it's not bad to have a crush, right? It's just a crush and it's part of growing up. I'm also a naughty person and I want to see her smiling because of me. (HAHA BATA PA KIRI NA) I don't know why she is really different. Just as a man likes a woman based on behavior, so maybe I like her but I did not think I was a man. I think that's normal. Since we became close, we are always together going to the room, eating lunch and going home almost every day until school year ends. Of course with my three friends who are also her friends.
We are in third year of high school, we still doing the same thing. Same routine, same friends. If we're all have a free time, sometimes we go to their places for a trip.
In the middle of being in third year of high school, it suddenly became awkward. We are not the same as before. (Just like magjowa haha) Seriously, suddenly we don't pay much attention anymore. It looks like she doesn't want me with her anymore, I don't know why. Maybe she already realizes that I crushed on her or maybe some of my classmates are already teasing her. But I haven't admitted it yet because I still don't know if I really like her or if I'm just happy when she's with me. Is there such a thing?
I just let her go if she doesn't want to be with me. The day I was looking for was passing by again and that's when I started to wonder to myself what I really was. Until the end of third year and fourth year of high school when I did not admit to her.
I'm afraid if they will judge me as a lesbian, that I will be rejected because I like women. Because for those ages, liking a woman's fellow woman is the immediate result of being a lesbian. We don't have idea about being bisexual.
A few years later, I met a woman on Facebook who was also a troop of my friends. I sent her a message on the messenger for no reason. Nothing, I just want to chat with her. Not because I'm boring but because I see again my crush to her.
With those simple hi and hello, we became close. She invited me to come to their house just to talk. I'm still nervous because I don't know what I'm doing in my life. I have never felt love for her, it feels like I was just like in high school. We met every day, sometimes I always at their house and that day I started to like her and day goes by we have mutual feelings so we decided to have a relationship And that's when I thought I might be a lesbian but when we were in our relationship for two months, I only found out about the other gender. The bisexuals came out and the others were just having fun. Some of friends also reveal their true personality and I decided also to reveal my true personality. They accept me for who I am.
Take note, she is my first girlfriend but we did not last long in the relationship due to many family complications. But I'm happy now because I have girlfriend and we're living together for almost 1 and half month.
One thing I learned on this experience, you need to suffer and receive first hurtful words before you can have the courage to admit what you really are.
The only thing you can do if you're part of LGBTQ community and you don't want to stress yourself is don't mind them.
Thank you for reading!
Even today, people discriminate on the basis of someone's sexual orientation. I am sad that this is happening all over the world, especially in less developed countries. I try to educate people around me as much as possible, to make them aware that discrimination is a bad thing and to respect other people's human rights. I even wrote a few LGBTQ articles on this blog and it seems to me that people have responded positively. Take a look if you have time, I would appreciate your opinion.