The Hard Slap of Reality

I thought I'll abandon this site completely, but, look what I was doing now. The last time I visited this site was I think two years ago, during the spread of Coronavirus. Where everyone was put in a lockdown. Distance learning was implemented by then and that's the time I discovered this website.

Honestly, this website helped me a lot during that time since I was earning through writing and I owe those people who read and appreciate my articles.

I am a teacher now. Thanks to read.cash and to you, I graduated and became a teacher now.

I am currently a private school teacher, handling elementary. Before, when I was still a student. All I could think of was when will I graduate to start earning money. I wanted to give back to my parents already. I wanted to but the things I couldn't have before. Eat what I wanted to eat. And travel to different places as much as I want. It's because the young me thought that if you already had a job and is earning monthly or bi-weekly then you can already do whatever you wanted to do.

But I was slapped with the hard truth of reality.

Having a job, earning a minimum wage for 8-5 hours of work, and being an adult...it is not that easy. It's not nice. If I would be given a chance, I would travel in time and return being a student or a kid. Because I don't like it here. No one warned me how difficult adult life is. How life becomes harder when you're an adult. How you cannot do everything you expect that you can when you were used to being a kid dreaming of becoming an adult fast.

Sure, it's not the same for everyone. Some were luckily born into a wealthy family. Some may be born poor but were lucky enough to be smart to succeed in life. But people must also understand that some people are like me. To be born in an average. Not poor but not wealthy family. Can excel in academics and work but not that smart to completely succeed in life. Just a normal individual in the middle of everything. But we are the ones who used to struggle the most.

I do have a job and earning but it's not that big to buy everything I wanted or travel to anywhere I wanted to go. If I wanted to buy something or plan to travel somewhere, I need to save up first and it might take a couple of months or so if there are no instances that the savings will be used for other matters.

I cannot go on vacation without a proper plan since I can't leave work without proper notice too.

I can't meet my friends without a plan because all of us are busy with our work and mostly there's a conflict in our schedules.

When you're a student, all you think about is where would you go with your friends. But when you become an adult, your automatic response to an invitation is to check first your availability or if when is your free time to catch up with your friends.

Last February, my bestfriend got hospitalized. We used to hang out a lot way back when we were still a student, and we're together every day unless it's a weekend. But when all of us got a job, we seldom saw each other. Though we still communicate and plan a trip together but it's not like before. As far as I remember, we can only meet each other once a year if we're not that busy.

We decided to catch up so last January 2023 we planned a trip to Cebu's Sinulog 2024. It's a long-term plan since we also need to save money first in preparation for this trip. The time came, and for some reason the planned trip was unsuccessful.

Last February, we heard that she was admitted to the hospital and was in coma. We immediately went to Cebu for her. It was a rushed decision and we didn't have money but luckily we found some ways and were able to go to her. And since it was an unplanned trip, we needed to go back immediately because we still had work. We stayed there for four days and three nights. As much as we want to stay until she regain consciousness but we cannot able to do so because we also have responsibilities with our work.

Four days after we returned home, she died. Regrets and thousands of what-ifs filled me at that time. I can't focus on my work and review. LET is approaching yet I really can't seem to focus because of what happened to her. I made a promise that I would pull myself back after her burial, however, another incident happened and my grandmother died.

I was struggling emotionally, and at the same time, I was also struggling financially to pay the debt we used when we went to Cebu.

And when the day of the LET came, last March 17, 2024, I just wanted to cry out all of my frustrations and stress because I felt so stupid while answering the exam. Questions were new and I haven't encountered some of the questions yet. So when I got home, I wanted to cry but my mother was there asking about my day. I told her that the exam was hard and I was not confident enough if I would pass it.

When I lay my back in bed, my tears fell and I overthink about many things happened in my life lately. But when the moment I opened my eyes, it was already Monday and it's time to go back to work.

I realized how different the time we had when we were still kids to the time we have now being an adult.

Before, if we have problems over trivial things or tantrums over things we cannot have, we just sleep and rest for as long as we want until we feel okay already.

but now, being an adult, you cannot do that anymore. The time will not adjust itself until you feel better. The world will continue to move even if you're still struggling over something. Even if you haven't recovered yet, time will continue. So you have no choice but to get up and continue as well. And that is the saddest thing about being an adult. That is the sad thing about reality.