On Behalf of the Many Bacteria Causing UTI (urinary Tract Infection)

To whom it may concern.

On behalf of the many bacteria found in Rectum, I, the E. Coli, write to you fuming with anger. Asking how you are faring in this period of Covid'19 pandemic would doubtlessly aggravate what I feel towards you this morning. On this note, permit me to go straight to the point. Few days ago, as my family and I had breakfast in my humble base, we were drifted unceremoniously to a foreign land, the Urinary system. Like rapture, we had no time to prepare or worse still, plead to God to forgive us of the many sins we had committed. Several hours in captivity, my family expected me to wear my lens of bravity to find some food in this foreign territory in order to satisfy their hungry stomachs. After all, I always portrayed myself as a responsible father- I couldn't complain.

Surprisingly, just when I thought about approaching the Urethra, I met some of my fellow men. Eiiii! They had the same facial expressions as mine: bewildered and resentful. I thanked God at least this rapture catered for my family members. What about that young handsome bacterium who had cried his eyes out for being taken away just went he wanted to enjoy the fruits of his labour? He was taken on the very day he got hitched and you can imagine the pain for having left your beloved behind.

For days, my fellow bacteria resorted to monitoring the inhabitants of the Urinary system of their every move. They came to a conclusion that, the Urinary system was a third class country. A country which wasn't fully equipped with strong immune system and which couldn't fight its invaders like us. As a result, the inhabitants of the land were prone to a lot of attacks. To survive in this foreign land meant invading and destroying everything they had taken years to build. Well, their system of governance was so weak thus, paving a smooth way for us to devour.

Counting the many grey strands of hair on my head and skin, I was then chosen as their leader. This attribute of mine portrayed the many barrels of wisdom I had accumulated over the years. Now, a consensus had to be reached whether to invade the Urinary system or not. Well, I ecstatically agreed- perhaps, it was time I laid down my title as a church president to join the fight. After all, God is always ever forgiving. He understands survival is for the fittest.

One instinctive thing I observed was the fact that in no time, many of my kind had migrated from Rectum. Weren't they proud to be a citizen? Or were they also drifted unawares? When briefed by their misfortune, I noticed majority shared in my experience such as women not properly observing good Anal hygiene practices, thus, causing a mayhem in the urinary system as we are transferred unknowingly from the Anal Region to the junction of the Urinary system. We observed with great disdain how some women wiped from back to front each time they visited the washroom. Could it be that they had forgotten to do otherwise? Who are I to question God's sophisticated design of the females' urinary system? Well, I guess more education concerning proper anal hygiene practices need to be given in this area of concern.

The night of doom, as we called, was here. We were fully armored to attack the Bladder. We knew planning guaranteed about 90 percent of our success, therefore, a lot went into planning. After the plan had taken its shape, I requested to excuse myself for fresh air and to let my brain vividly picture our plan for the night.

I spotted two female bacteria of the Urinary System just few meters away from our camp,

They had stood with arms akimbo and gestured in ways that revealed the act of gossiping. They probably didn't notice we had camped in their territory. I camouflaged just so to satisfy my level of curiosity and to be sure they weren't spying on us. Eavesdropping on their conversation, these females complained bitterly to each other how their city's health had been deteriorated, obviously blaming the leaders at the House of Kidneys for not instilling proper measures to curb the situation at hand such as improving the Urinary system's immunity to terrorists and enhancing security.

Amidst tears, they recounted how their city had to compromise their standards because of your bad hygienic practices. I heard them talk about women who used douches and other feminine hygiene products to ensure vuvular and vaginal hygiene. Little did you know that these substances were a threat to the Urinary system. This must stop, please! Since the Bladder is a constant supplier of urine to the Urethra as a way of ensuring proper care of the bladder, some women and men chose to hold in their urine for a longer period of time and this irritated the inhabitants of the abode.

Moveover, menopausal women and pregnant women were not spared either. Due to their lowered immune system, women in these categories were prone to infections of the urinary system. I felt so sad hearing pregnant women were particularly at risk of UTIs. This is because as the baby grows, it sits on the bladder making it so difficult for the bladder to as usual, perform its periodic mop up of urine in their territory.

By this time, i was so engrossed in listening that I didn't notice one of my fellow bacteria had come around lurking in the shadows too. He had fully dressed and ready to take action but my appetite to know more influenced my decision not to return to the camp. I guessed there was more to the ranting these females spewed which I greatly relied on to satisfy my curiosity.

They continued to expose how some men also contracted infections from women during unprotected sexual activities. Although men naturally have long urethras which prevented them from easily contracting UTIs, unprotected sexual activity involving women with vaginal infection easily crippled men, as a result, making them fall prey to the such gruesome infections.

In addition, people with health conditions which directly attacked the immune system including conditions which required the wearing of urinary catheters were also victims of UTIs.

At this moment, trying to conceal my emotions was quite impossible. I finally revealed myself

from the shadows and approached them with the aim of sharing my ordeal. They showed great empathy and agreed to help my team get to their City.

In collaboration with these frustrated damsels of the Urinary system, we successfully navigated our way through to the Bladder. Indeed, the night we anticipated for days was now made manifest and we couldn't afford taking chances. With the many lives that had been taken especially due to the bad anal hygiene practices being observed by you and your fellow women, we had no option than to attack a system which had no regard to boost its immune system as a security enforcement to ward off terrorists like us.

Indeed, you pushed us to the wall and we had no option than to strike. Afterall, it's not about the war, it's about striving to survive in a foreign land. In the next few days, we will get so comfortable and you will start manifesting the fruits of our labour. No, you won't experience Covid'19 symptoms instead, be prepared to experience the ever painful signs and symptoms of UTIs

Devotely,

E.Coli.