Fate (Chapter 1)

My alarm clock was beeping for quite a while now after it hit 7:30am. The red lights of the digits continued to flicker as if it was on the same rhythm of the beating of my heart.

I covered myself with my white blanket and shut my eyes, wishing that I'll never awake.

Go back to sleep! Go back to sleep, you dumbass!

When the door creaked open, I never dared open my eyes and pretended that I was still asleep. The faint sound of footsteps started to come my way and before I could even prepare myself, he sat just on the edge of my bed. I felt his hand right on top of my head.

"Lisa, it's time for breakfast," he said. Those were the words I longed to hear for years ever since I saw him. I longed for his warm touch, his soothing voice and most of all, his ever important presence.

However, my heart that used to beat so fast whenever he looked at me, suddenly turned into a beat of anxiousness and guilt.

I uncovered myself and simply said, "Do wait for me in the dining room."

I never dared looked into his eyes. I passed by him and headed to the washroom that could temporarily enclose me with a bit of comfort. I looked at myself at the mirror. The shining happiness I used to see in my eyes lost its brightness and the genuine smile that was plastered on my face, was now nothing but a forced and fake one.

Opening the faucet, the water gushed out as I washed my face—savoring the cold touch of the water. If only I could drown myself into a freezing lake, I could have done it before and I wouldn't have to feel this way.

After I finished washing up, I hesitated to even go downstairs and face the man I ever loved the most. He would smile at me sweetly, greet me with a good morning and for sure, he had already cooked breakfast. He was too good... too perfect.

I pursed my lips and shut the door once again. My eyes wandered at the wide and bright room that was occupied by two people—me and my husband. It should radiate the feeling of home and love and happiness but...

I stared at the white notebook and pen placed on top of the table near the window. Whether I wanted to or not, I needed to continue writing on that hateful piece of paper. Whether I was in the mood or not, I'd still have to lift that pen and let its ink bleed.

Up until now, I wanted to erase everything and return to the time when I haven't written anything on it yet.

"Lisa, the food will get cold!"

Hearing him call out my name should be sweeter than the apple I ate yesterday but it tasted so bitter right now. I turned my back from it and shut my eyes. Breathing in and out, I calmed myself, I calmed the swirling emotions that, in any minute, would explode.

The door creaked open as I walked out from our room and headed to the dining room where he was waiting.

He flashed me the smile that made me fall for him back when we first met and I returned a forced smile. I should be happy, more than happy, now that he was here with me. And he was wearing the ring I gave him after we said our vows.

However, after what happened, happiness felt like it doesn't fit me anymore.

We ate in silence like how we usually do but it was deafening that I wished so hard that time would run faster.

"I'll do the dishes so you could prepare for work," I said.

He replied with a nod. After he drank a cup full of water, he stepped forward that made me lift my head and look at him.

The corner of his lips curved as he bent forward and left a kiss on my forehead. Ah, yes, how could I forget? He always do that every day.

"Prepare for work as well." He shuffled my hair before leaving alone in that room. I watched his back as he walked away and my heart started to wrench in pain.

I bit my lower lip to suppress the tears that wanted to leave my eyes. I even clenched my fists until my nails dug into my skin.

He suddenly turned his back and once again flashed a smile in my direction.

"I love you."

Those three words that should bring me bliss, those three words he had told me everyday suddenly turned into arrows piercing my heart every single time. Seeing his eyes told me everything how he truly felt, but his words and actions denied the emotions in his eyes.

I dropped the spoon and fork that clanged against the tiled floor, before running towards him. I hugged him tight. I hugged him tight just like that one night.

Like a broken tap, I cried on his chest with my arms around him.

"I'm so sorry, Leo," I apologized, "I truly am."

His hand caressed my hair as he ran his fingers through them. He held both of my shoulders and with his thumb, he wiped off the tears that damped my cheeks. He leaned closer until out foreheads touched and his eyes were closed. I stared at him, puzzled, for I do not know what exactly was he thinking. It has always been like that—he was unreadable. But he was able to see through me like I was just some transparent glass.

"I know," he whispered before hugging me back. His other hand ran up and down my back, slowly tracing my spine. He felt warmer, that was for sure, but no matter how his warmth radiated on my very skin, I felt the uneasy chills shooting through every part of my body.

"That's why I will never forgive you."