Hello dear friends, as I try to write and post an article here every day, and for today I was looking for a topic, I remembered the experience of one of my friends, she was divorced from her husband, that had to talk to a therapist about her problem after divorce. I said her problem can be the matter of many people, whether they are suffering from problems after divorce, or those who are separated from their boyfriend or girlfriend, so maybe it will help to many other people.
She and her husband had been separated for seven months, but because they were co-workers and they had a joint office, they were still in touch. The office was owned by my friend, but his husband apparently did not see any need to separate the office, and his plan was to stay there until the end of the year.
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He said: "We are two adults and we can manage this situation". He insisted that our past life together had nothing to do with being a co-worker. Of course, he paid the rent and office expenses on time, but apparently he did not want to cut off communication under this pretext.
My friend said that when we separate, everyone should go to their own life. She asked the therapist, "Do you think I am being hard on him and he is right?" Is it possible to continue the working relationship after the end of the emotional relationship? In your opinion what should I do? I'm so confused...
The therapist answer
In response to her problem, the therapist said: Some people may mistakenly think that they have so much emotional and psychological maturity that, unlike others, they can end the process of separation in health and civilization, without the slightest discussion or disagreement and keep their friendship with the other party intact.
That is, they spend time together like before and no problems occur. But in reality, it is never possible to change an old emotional relationship into a friendly or cooperative one without friction and conflict! It never will... The scar will always remain, even if there is no sign of bleeding.
So what is this desire to socialize and insist on friendship after separation?
Sometimes, this persistence is only a temporary relief, to minimize suffering from separation! Suffering from separation? Yes, sometimes "Eternal Farewell" from the other side is so painful that people prefer to delay saying goodbye indefinitely! Just like your husband...
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In this way, he sees you every day, hears you every day that this daily interaction delays the pain of separation! He is deceiving himself. Just sticking a "divorce" label is not enough; after divorce, you really have to separate and practice living apart. But since he is still reluctant to accept this fact, you better take action and make the change.
The process of separation, of course, is painful for everyone, but there is no shortcut to it. For real growth, you have no choice to experience the pain of separation.
The therapist's answer was very complete and interesting, so I said it would be better to share here. Maybe it will help someone who is reading this article now, although I hope none of us ever experience such pain, because it is really hard. And I hope my friend returns to her normal life and I can see her joy and laugh again in the near future.
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Some exes can manage to be friends when they both already moved on to each other. To your friend, the pain is still fresh, so the therapist was right, she must make her action to cut the communication