Crushed crush.

(Weird title, I know. If you ask me I'd say I don't know if it's suitable for what I'm trying to portray, but let's delve right in)

I picked out these suitable definitions from the dictionary.

• The first kind of crush: To overcome; totally.

• The second kind of crush: To feel infatuation or unrequited love.

Having read both definitions, crushed crush to me means an infatuation that one has overcome.

By saying "crush" I'm not referring to the breeze in and out kind of crush but the type that lingers on and sometimes ends up being seen as love.

What I was told, and what I experienced:

It's very true that when you spend too much of your time conversing with a person of the opposite gender, you tend to fall so deeply into the pool of what you think is called love, but time would tell when you both start detaching from each other and you would realize that what you felt all along was never love but just something that grew out of the quality time you both shared.

He'll say: Awww, she's so caring.

And she'll say: Aw, he's so nice.

The story of my three recent crushes.

The first...

I once crushed on a guy because we always spent an hour, two, three and more hours into the night just talking about random things, we would be on WhatsApp voice and video call, and there wasn't a single day that passed without us talking to each other. This made me feel I was in love and it made him feel the same way.

His physical characteristics weren't also bad. Aside from the fact that he was handsome, tall and nice, he was also a brilliant lad.

But when the question was asked, I couldn't because, he wasn't certain about marriage, he and I had divided beliefs regarding some vital things and I deeply felt our relationship wasn't one that was meant to exceed the boundaries of friendship.

After I refused his proposal, we started detaching gradually, we reduced the phone calls until we started calling each other once in a blue moon.

The feelings.

They faded off as we became farther away from each other.

Any regrets?

Absolutely none. I'm so certain we'd not have lasted long together in a relationship.

The second...

Another guy and I became close with each other too, it was through the same means at which I was close to the first..., but this time around, this guy and I discussed "marriage". That word drew my attention in a way because a relationship that's not heading towards marriage is a capital NO for me.

I fancied the guy too, he was cute, tall, dark, intelligent, and nice, he shares the same belief as me even if he wasn't as spiritual as I wanted him to be.

As usual, we spent nights on long WhatsApp calls nurturing the growing feeling and making it grow stronger. We would be on phone for two hours and more just talking randomly. And so again, I thought I was in love but since the plan was to get married, we both agreed that if God says we are each other's spouses, then why not.

Funny enough, I told my mum about this particular person.

I still had my purpose ahead of me so having a partner wasn't really on my mind, but since we'll be doing the relationship in the Christian way, I felt it won't be a bad idea if "God says".

(Chuckles)

One day...

He sent me a voice note of thirteen minutes; telling me he doesn't feel anything for me again, that he doesn't know why but he just doesn't think of me as much as he used to. (Wow! Just like that!)

I remember being grateful that I wasn't a girl dying to be loved by someone. My response to him that day was quite plain, I told him that I was glad I hadn't fallen so deeply into him and that whatever he says was fine.

Fast forward to a different day when he came again with feelings, but I had none of it, whatever I thought I felt for him had already been wiped out after I listened to his thirteen minutes voice note.

We are still good friends, and I'm glad we kept it that way.

The third (recent)...

Just the same way I got to have feelings for others, me and this person also found ourselves conversing on long WhatsApp voice and video calls.

I've never seen this person in person before, it has been strictly on voice and video calls, but he has a very great personality.

He's still the perfect person, at least that's how I presently picture him but who knows, I might just feel this way because I've not yet gotten to know him in person, so let's wait until I see him (if I ever see him) and conclude if I did well by pointing him out as a hundred per cent dose of sweetness.

Why I said he seems perfect to me.

I'm naturally drawn to a guy who loves God with his all... Whenever I see such guys and they are cute as a topping, it's enough to make me crush. (even if he's not cute in the eyes of everyone, as long as he's cute in my own eyes after all beauty, they say, Is in the eyes of the beholder)

If this third guy had asked me out then, I'd had said yes without blinking an eyelid. (that was then though, I'm sure I'd think twice before giving a reply now) but my reasons were because...:

• He's purpose-driven

• He shares the same belief as me.

• He is a prayer addict and he loves God.

• He pushes me to be a better version of myself.

• We are both coming from that kind of past that everyone would be shocked to hear.

• He's kind to everyone around him...

I used ellipses because the list continues but what's listed above are the main reasons.

He's naturally awesome...

I remember asking him if there was anything else, just to be sure before I'll crush and end up being crushed with heartbreak when he shows me his wedding invite. He plainly stated that there was nothing else attached to our connection, that the same way he was nice to me was the same way he was to everyone else, he even told me not to get distracted and in his words, he said: not all relationships have to end in love stories. Now, this is very true and accurate.

I'm slowly growing out of the crush I felt and it's faster because he now has little or no time for long conversations, and this has gradually been helping my recovery process.

That's why I said that when we converse for long hours with an opposite gender, it might be mistaken for affection.

That's my story, I guess I'd be coming back here to read on this when I finally see "the one".

Thanks for reading.

Till we meet again in my next article or yours.