"I have never liked people in particular. They did not interest me, they did not intrigue me, and I never really had a true need of their company. Though I knew I was doing very well on my own, going through life and being so distant, I was surrounded by people. Some of them I liked, many disliked me, with some I am still in touch,even now. It was difficult for me to miss someone because only a few were able to become that important for me to miss them. I do not know if it was their fault or mine for this, but I didn't even bother to find out.
I do not remember to ever fall in love. All my 'loved ones' were just physical passions, based only on my admirable eyes and lack of reciprocity. Or at least that's what I thought back then. I did not try to do anything about it, I was too sure that those people are somewhere up, at the top of the pyramid, and I somewhere down, completely unobservable.
I saw people loving. On the street, in cafes, in parks. I was laughing. I used to think there was nothing more soothing and fulfilling than enjoying your own company. I did not know any other way.
Until one day when a miracle happened. I found a man which I tied myself to. But something kept trying to separate us and in the end it actually did. It wasn't anybody's fault. It was just life getting in the way, I guess. Maybe timing. What is certain is that he used to have a way to speak to my soul that , before him, I never thought existed. It felt like with every word he would say to me, I would receive a caress. It seemed like he was born to talk only so I can hear his words. It seemed like this man's purpose on this earth was for him to make me realize that I was wrong. That there was someone out there for me too.
He left me. Just as I left any other man who came after him. I threw all the memories away and went back to my solitary life but somehow kept a small piece of hope of his returning, which slowly started dissapearing in time.
It's been years since then and now i'm afraid of people and what they might do to me. I know what I want and I know what I need from someone but I also know it will be difficult to find it, if even not impossible. I just keep on loving the wrong people, mainly to erase what used to felt right. Because what felt right wasn't meant to be mine. And those wrong people? They just become like me.
Empty. "
Update : He did come back and we are engaged.