My Financial Dilemmas

Some of you probably think that I'm not struggling financially because of these many financial goals that I'm setting up, but I am actually also financially burdened.

I have been quite frustrated lately with regard to my finances. It's not that I'm broke already or that I don't have money to spend anymore. However, I just feel so pressured and stressed with all of my financial goals, my own personal expenses, and the financial support I should give to my parents.

Although I don't like talking about it here, both of my parents have so many debts to deal with and settle down with. This is one of the reasons why I hate acquiring debts in the first place, and I always tell them not to go to loan sharks when they need money but they never listen to me. Sometimes, I am the one who has to pay the interest of their debts and I feel like all of those efforts and grinding are wasted because they just go to other people's pockets. But what can I do? I can't just turn a blind eye to my parents and see them struggling because of their debts. That's why even if I don't want to spend what I'm saving, I still have to because they are my parents.

My father is a farmer and is also operating his own hollow blocks business, while my mother is a BNS and housewife. And sometimes, I can't avoid hating them because of their bad financial habits and thinking. Whenever they have money, they would spend it all and act like a "one-day Millionaire" until all of their money is gone already. Then that would be the time when I hear them fighting with each other, and throwing hurtful words towards each other. As a daughter, seeing my parents fight because of lack of money hurts me the most. This is one of the main reasons why I'm striving for financial freedom.

My brother, on the other hand, whom I expected to help me settle my parents' debts, decided to reach his material goals instead. He already bought a PCX motorcycle before, yet he decided to also buy a car as his service to his work too. And I can't help but be mad with his financial decisions. Well, it's his money anyway and he worked hard for it so he has every right to spend his money the way he wants to. But if he only knows what to prioritize and to help our parents, then maybe we have someone to share our financial burdens with.

And now I'm going to face another financial battle, which is the return of the Face to Face classes. Although it's something that I was looking forward to before because I can finally move out again and be away from my parents to live independently, I just realized that it will only hurt me financially, since I will be the one to shoulder all of my expenses, from the dormitory/apartment rent, food, school allowance, and everything. Even before the pandemic came, my parents couldn't support me financially anymore so I have to look out for myself.

I actually still have some funds and the Bitcoin Cash I was able to earn and save from blogging and trading, but I don't want to convert them all already because I'm saving it up for my future. Plus, the crypto market is just so low right now. However, I'll be left with no choice but to convert some little by little just to get by with life and to make both ends meet, which I've been doing all this time.

It's really just so hard to be a dreamer when you're poor in reality. You have to hustle and work hard every single day if you want to achieve your goals. Sometimes, I want to give up pursuing my dreams already and face reality but I don't want to end up being in a worse situation than I already am. So even if it's hard, I'll keep going and continue trying.