1. On Child-Rearing Practices
The Filipino Family
On respect for elders and relatives:
•Pagmamano
We teach our children to express humility and respect for older people with the gesture of pagmanano, or bringing the elderly’s hand to one's forehead.
Saying “po” and “opo”- Not only do we teach our children to say “po” and “opo” when addressing elders, but also when speaking to people of authority such as teachers, church elders and policemen.
On values for life:
•Utang na loob
Acts of generosity and kindness do not go forgotten as we are taught from a young age about the importance of utang ng loob, or lifetime indebtedness.
•Hospitality
Filipinos are notorious for their immense hospitality. We will willingly give up what remaining food we have or even our beds to make our visitors as comfortable as possible.
•Removing our shoes/slippers
we espouse the habit of removing our footwear before entering someone’s house as a sign of respect.
On dining and family gatherings:
•Family mealtime
The family should enjoy mealtimes together. When the food is served, everybody should be ready to partake of it as one unit.
•Asking kids to showcase their talent
Filipinos are born entertainers, so much so that we raise our kids from a young age to know when to pull up the singer-dancer-actor card when we have a ready audience during family gatherings.
On infant and child care:
•Puwera usog
“Usog” is associated with feelings of physical discomfort, supposedly brought about by the innocent greeting or admiration of a stranger.
•Tuwalya (towel)/diyaryo (newspaper) sa likod (back)
With our humid climate, Pinoy parents know how sweaty their active children can get when playing. To combat this, we drape a hand towel or a piece of newspaper on children’s backs.
On Money
•Pamamasko at Aguinaldo
If there’s a holiday tradition that is our kids' favorite, it’s Christmas time, when they could ask their ninongs and ninangs (godparents) for aguinaldo (Christmas money).
On Fun
•Playing in the rain
Bathing and playing in the rain is an experience that many Pinoy kids will remember with fondness.
The American Family
Americans have many rituals around parenting— like baby showers, where grown women fawn over baby booties and sniff diapers full of smashed candy bars. From helicopter parenting to potty-training to the support networks we offer new mothers. American parents who may carry a toddler instead of letting them walk by themselves, a mother dressing a 3-4-year-old who is capable of dressing themselves, parents doing much or all of a child’s homework, and parents bailing teenagers out of bad situation caused by reckless behavior instead of allowing them to face the consequences of their decision. American children often are either not expected to do chores of any kind or are bribed with money, reward “tickets,” or other incentives to do basic tasks.
2. On Family Values
The Filipino Family
•Paggalang (Respect)
Filipinos are accustomed to using the words “po,” “opo,” and “ho” when they are conversing with older people or, sometimes, with those who are in a high role or a prestigious member of society.
•Pakikisama (Helping Others)
Pakikisama has the connotation of getting along with people in general. This trait usually fosters general cooperation and performing good or helpful deeds, which can lead to others viewing you in a favorable light.
•Utang na Loob (Debt of Gratitude)
When this value is applied, it imparts a sense of duty and responsibility on the younger siblings to serve and repay the favors done to them by their elders.
•Pagpapahalaga sa Pamilya (Prioritizing Family)
This implies that a person will place a high regard on their family and prioritize that before anything else.
•Hiya (Shame)
It is the value that drives a Filipino to be obedient and respectful to their parents, older siblings, and other authorities.
The American Family
Traditional Values of the American Family includes the following:
Opposition to pre-marital sex.
Opposition to same-sex marriage.
Belief in traditional home-based roles for women.
Belief in Christian-based values.
Opposition to some elements of feminism.
Opposition to abortion while actively supporting abstinence education.
Belief in adoption as an alternative to abortion.
Belief in programs and public policies that shield children from exploitation.
Opposition to separation of church and state.
Belief in father as head-of-household.
Contemporary Values of the American Family is found in the following:
Support for the universal living wage model to improve livelihood.
Belief in acceptance of non-traditional families that may include same-sex and polygamous long-term relationships, as well as single-parent families.
Belief in a woman's right to abortion.
Belief in Planned Parenthood programs that offer contraception.
Belief in government-funded financial aid to families.
Support for sex education in public schools.
Belief in practicing and teaching tolerance, patience and understanding for alternative lifestyles.
Belief in universal healthcare and family-friendly employment laws (maternity leave, personal leave, emergency family leave).
Support for freedom of religion.
On Access for Divorce
The Filipino Family
Philippine Law doesn't allow divorces, however, it does allow for legal separation, annulment and marriage "voids" under the Family Code of the Philippines. Annulment, covered mainly by Article 45 of the laws, applies to a legitimate marriage that now has a valid ground to undo it, while a voided marriage is considered invalid from the beginning.
The American Family
Like marriage, divorce in the United States is under the jurisdiction of state governments, not the federal government. Divorce or "dissolution of marriage" is a legal process in which a judge or other authority dissolves the bonds of matrimony existing between two persons, thus restoring them to the status of being single and permitting them to marry other individuals.
The legal process for divorce may also involve issues of spousal support, child custody, child support, distribution of property and division of debt, though these matters are usually only ancillary or consequential to the dissolution of the marriage. Divorce in the U.S. is governed by state rather than federal law. The laws of the state(s) of residence at the time of divorce govern, not those of the location where the couple was married. All states recognize divorces granted by any other state. All states impose a minimum time of residence to file for a divorce.
On Family Ties
The Filipino Family
Family comes first & family is everything. He lives with it and depends on it. His dreams, aspirations and life are always centered on his family. This family solidarity keeps a Filipino to be positive amidst everything. He works hard to ensure a better life for the family.
Family is evidently highly valued in the Philippines, thus, the government also strengthens Filipino family and in great support to ensure work-family balance. Close family ties makes a Filipino a hardworking and industrious person.
A Filipino will do anything for his family that also makes him optimistic, flexible, adaptable, and creative. The Filipino family is based on a culture of respect. It is important that we use polite language especially with our elders. Since Filipinos like celebrations, it is very important for the Filipino family members to be present during special occasions. We have summer vacations together. We meet for a relative’s funeral. We even meet for the relative’s death anniversary. We meet for birthdays, for the arrival of a relative from another country, before a relative leaves to work in another country, and even when there is no special reason at all.
The Filipino family simply wants to do things together most of the time. While the Filipino family is tied by blood, we have a strong sense of community.
The American Family
A nuclear family with their extended family living separately. Today, the archetypal nuclear family is still dominant; however, it can no longer be an exact social expectation. For example, almost half of America’s youth have a step-sibling. More children are also being born to unwed mothers or teenagers as the stigma associated with premarital intercourse has diminished.
Furthermore, more families are incorporating LGBTQI+ marriages. Thus, same-sex couples with children are becoming more common. Many elderly Americans would rather live alone and be self-reliant than ‘burden’ the younger generations of their family by living with them. Parents expect their children to leave home within a few years of finishing high school. Most American parents discipline their children in balancing support with control.
It's always family first for Filipinos. We have so many traditions. Utang na loob is the complicated one. You cannot pay that kind of debt. That's a good compilation. Very good article. Thank you!