I have got to accept it though
You see one thing with a Learned behavior is that it messes you up real time and real big and no drug or amount of prayer can save you. Well maybe except you pretend like it isn't there.
We are four in my family, 3 guys and a girl, and I am the second son. Now the situation is, the first son is trained to be the power horse of the house, He does all the heavy lifting, the washing of cars, the fetching of water and most importantly, protection of the rest of us and my senior brother is the best in his role.
Come to the third son, subliminally trained to be the watch dog of the house, daddy's boy, always reporting wrongs doings, looking for who to report to papa and most importantly always fighting with the rest of us, and my junior brother is good at this.
My sister, The last born, precious, our damsel, Mama's love, everyone's favorite, we were more focused on training her to be the woman we want to succeed in this cruel world. And growing up in the midst of 3 guys you know what's up.
And then there is me, The second born. Nothing much to do than to become the fixing agent. The last resort. The PERFECTIONIST. I was brought up to be a perfectionist. To perfect everything that's broken. Say when the load is too heavy for big bro, then I am always there to save the day. When a fight is going on and big bro can't handle them, then I am always there to save the day. When there are two cars to be washed then I am always there to save the day. My work? To save the damn day.
Mum comes back home and the house looks untidy, Well shedrach you've got to save the day and sweep the house. The remote is in the wrong place you've got to put it back to it's right place. Going to the market, being the brightest in the house because you most definitely need it. And all this made me what I am today. A low key perfectionist...
It got to a point I could not stand anything that's disorganized. I can't stay in a house that isn't neat. I can't stand anyone who looks untidy. I Can't even bring myself to use other people's toilet because these things, I can't fix. So it's get me uncomfortable, irritated that I can't fix them but have to stare at them the whole freaking day.
One day I visited a friend and he drank pure water after eating and threw it on the ground. I kept staring at the pure water sachet and forcing myself to ignore it but I couldn't. I just couldn't. I asked him to kindly discard it in the waste bin but he ignored me, after struggling with knowing the damn sachet isn't in the right place, I stood up, picked it up and threw it in the waste bin. wuasshh, I found my peace back.
Another story... One day I had to drop from a bus because one of the passengers threw a damn Coke can out of the window and I couldn't stand it. I dropped from the bus, Trekked back to the spot and picked the bottle and took it home to discard in the waste bin. At least I could fix that
Sometimes people don't get me. Sometimes I don't get myself too. Bro why is your hair line not in symmetry? Babe your eyebrows don't look aligned, And you've got to fix it if not I'll be reckless.
At a point I had to go on YouTube to perfect my handwriting, Now it's the envy of many. These things could be good sometimes. And other times well, The just hiss and call me a
Perfectionist.