I hate you. you're small and your patience goes the same. you always, always keep things to yourself even to people who care for you. you like to be alone most times. and when you speak up your mind, god when you do, you always get yourself into so much trouble for that because it's mean or full of sarcasm or fueled with so much honesty. you fend yourself away from people because you always think they'll hurt you, even if they don't. you're so doubtful of yourself that you lose your way on most occasions. i resent every given moment that you stare at yourself in the mirror with those light brown eyes of yours that reflect nothing but a never-ending hallway of hollowness. and for a lot of unmentioned things that you lack, i hate you.

but i love you too. i love that you try to be the person you want to be even when it's hard work and for knowing that you are still a work in progress. the fact that you own up to your mistakes and understand how there are still a lot of things you need to learn. the way you choose to wake up each day after nights of pouring sadness. that even if you're pounded with doubts, you refuse to give up. pouring yourself to other people's cups when theirs are empty because you knew how it felt having nothing. you're too scared to fck up because of what others might think but you do things anyway. even if you feel so shtty about yourself most of the time, i love you, for the very thought of you not ever trying to abandon yourself. and you've still got a long way to go but, just know that i am here for you. i got you.

| things i wrote my twenty-four year old self |