It is very crucial to our discussion to see how important communication to is in the home. As indicated above, it has been described as the life-wire of marriage. It's position in the marriage is so strong that in most cases it is the determining factor as to achieving functional adjustment. The left side is the sadness lane while the right side is the happiness lane.
In my experience I have found out that when couples cannot get along with each other, in most cases, the problem is communication. Not a lack of communication but negative communication.
This is because there cannot be a lack of communication between two people who relate together. Communication goes beyond words as everything couples do in the presence of each other communicates meaning. The silence we maintain in the home, dragging of feet on the floor, banging of pots and pans in the kitchen, burning of food, too much salt or pepper, going to work or coming back late or early, lack of body grooming, the one word answer to open-ended question, shouting at the kids or irrational spanking etc all communicate meanings to our partners depending on the context in which they are done. Therefore there cannot be a lack of communication as long as the couple see each other.The problem is wrong communication. When we say things the wrong way, we are likely to get the wrong response this soon leads to communication breakdown the point at which couples spend their time arguing and shouting at each other instead of discussing issues and finding solutions to them.
Since our aim in communication is not to transfer words and ideas only, but to influence our partners to do things for us, we must learn how to speak to them in such a way that they will respond positively. By doing this we have some principles that we must follow which includes :
Choice of time.
Human beings operate in moods: joy, happiness,sadness ,tiredness frustrations, fear, pressure etc. Are all part of life and they manifest in us at different times. Our reaction to issues, statements, suggestions and corrections will to a large extent depend on what we are going through at a given time. We need to watch the moods of our partners before bringing up issues, especially the sensitive ones, if we are interested in results- oriented discussion.
Choice of words
Our choice of words is crucial if we want to maintain a healthy communication system in the home. Bitter and sarcastic words will only succeed in forcing your partner to read recoil into his shell or respond negatively. By using harsh and unpleasant words, you are adding fuel to the fire of discord. The consequences can be very grave.
Closeness.
Close to the choice of time is the idea of closeness it is really emphasize the choice of place and posture that are more appropriate for discussion issues, especially sensitive ones. Experience has shown that physical closeness between husband and wife will soften the voices, reduce tension and desire for self defense.
Choice of tone.
It is good not to raise your voice when speaking with your partner especially when dealing with sensitive issues. After all, she's beside you, so why the loud voice? Loud voices are unpleasant And very few people enjoy unpleasantness. Loud and angry voice will force your partner to be bitter and want to retaliate or recoil into her shell. In most arguments couples increases their voice volume in other to gain hearing or to have an edge over the other person. As the husband seeks to make his point stronger he increases his volume, the wife must then counter with a large higher volume in other to gain hearing until both of them end up shouting at each other. They will not achieve much under such circumstances.
APPRECIATION
the important of appreciation in communication cannot be over emphasize many homes have been destroyed because one of the partners has refused to play his role effectively since the other does not see anything good in what he does.
Conclusion.
The way we talk to each other matters most in relationship so we need to be very careful about how we talk to other so as for peace to reign.
