Now I put the focus on me...
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In life, some days you'll look around for the ones you thought you had yet you won't find but help will come from the least expected people.
It's been a sad morning of reminiscing on events of the past five months. Last year between November and first two weeks of December were the hardest months of my life. I went through a very difficult situation in school, I felt very depressed about it and I wish I had someone to talk to about the situation and also get helped. Sadly, a close friend that could have been of help to me, I kind of lost him.
He didn't die, he wasn't ill but we were not communicating anymore and I didn't see the need to reach out to someone who literally abandoned me.
As hard as it was, I kept going, stayed strong and gradually I pulled through. I forgot about looking up to people and decided it's best I look after myself.
What took me down the memory lane
I got a call last night from a long lost friend. It was so shocking to me and I immediately began to feel different emotions all at once - surprised, sad, angry, abandoned.
I summed up courage and answered the call. It was from that old friend of mine and all we talked about was how we stopped talking, who's fault it was, how I wasn't there for him anymore, I turned him off with something I said... How a lot of everything was my fault, I saw him at a wedding and just greeted him formally and that was it....
I took a deep breath, thought critically and composed a message afterwards apologizing for my short comings and explained how I've dumped the life of bearing people's burdens in the name of friendship, letting people use me and leave me when I need them, I ended the message by saying I deserve to be taken care of the way I take care of people, I deserve to be loved correctly and I'm focused on giving myself all the things I wish for.
Truth be told
I was somewhat angry deep down to hear him say he expected me to be there for him. All through my life I've been so kind to my old friend, I remember when he decided to rent his own house, I was worried about him, I wondered how he'll survive because that was a huge leap on his own part. I took it upon myself to provide some household utensils for him.
On occasions he wasn't available at work, since we worked together, I always replaced him and managed both his duties and mine.
I felt like I was a slave sometimes, I always knew anytime he needed help he would count on me and I never disappointed him because we were friends. So many times people talked about us that maybe we were in some sort of romantic relationship but that wasn't the case. Despite the things people said, I still stayed friends with him.
Later on, I quit work and relocated to further my education. We still talked from time to time then as he was trying to bury his parents whom he lost last year. Though I wasn't physically present, I still assisted him with the planning. Staff refreshments, what to cook, quantity to cook etc. After the burial, he never really reached out anymore. So from October last year, we never communicated as friends till last night.
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The whole thing made me look like I really had no one, like people always need me to be their peace, their comfort, their consolation and I keep wondering what about me? I don't remember a time I let my old friend down and just this one time I really needed a friend he zoomed out on me.
And now
Now that my old friend came back to talk about who's fault it was or wasn't, I quietly apologized for my short comings but I made it clear I've moved on and I'm placing all of my focus on me.
I feel that the less I put my hope in humans the better it is for me.
I honestly hold no grudge and I'm much better now but I'm certain I don't want to restore our relationship.
People shouldn't be in our lives when all is not going well for them and when they get better they are out and think that whenever they choose to return, life will get back to normal.
This is my honest opinion, do you think otherwise?
To you all who take out time to read my article, comment and upvote, I say a big thank you. I totally appreciate ❤️
If people do not value our existence or worth, do we still need to stay in such friendship or relationship? No, we need to learn to focus on ourselves and forget about those who think they can only be there when they need us. We are meant to be there for one another but if one chooses to zone us, then we are left with nothing than to value ourselves. I have learnt never to trust anyone but only God who will never disappoint.