The state of being united as spouses in a consensual and contractual relationship recognized by law- Merriam Webster
A word that used to be so thrilling, suspenseful. I always anticipated getting married when I was younger.
Maybe I'm still suspenseful but it's sort of unsure, I don't know what to expect, is it going to be horror or should I expect flowers and sunshine?
Is it as bad as people say it is or as good as some claim it to be?
My worries increase every day because people around me seem to direct marriage remarks and questions at me. The other day, this woman looked at me and asked me if I've started praying for a husband. Everything I do these days is followed with "is this how you'll do this in your husband's house?" "Is this how you'll act around your in-laws?"
If you're a Nigerian girl in your 20s, you can most definitely relate to what I'm saying.
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Firstly, the popular one we all know, abuse. I know what you expect me to say is the usual husband abusing their wives but do you know some wives beat their husbands? This has happened right before me, no jokes.
There's this Couple living where I stay at the moment, I don't know what exactly caused the whole thing but the wife poured hot food on his face and started slapping him, he retaliated and they started hitting each other, the teenage children then held the Father when it seemed like he was winning so that their mother would get more blows in, he was also pushing the children away so he could beat her more. This went on till one of our neighbors went to separate them.
It was a mess, such a dysfunctional family.
I also know someone whose husband beat her so much that she almost had a miscarriage, the baby was saved by the timely intervention of her neighbors.
I definitely don't want to become someone's punching bag.
Secondly, imagine you marry someone who doesn't abuse you, does everything you expect him or her to do but cheats a lot. I've actually talked to someone about this and she said it doesn't matter, it's okay as long as he doesn't displace her.
People sort of turn a blind eye to this. Presently, according to my source, Nigeria has the second-largest HIV epidemic in the world, 1.9 known people are living with HIV in Nigeria and many other people living with HIV do not know of their status.
I know of someone who contracted this virus because his wife cheated on him with someone who had HIV.
Apart from that, imagine taking a DNA test for your children and discovering they aren't yours due to your wife's infidelity, discovering that your husband has other children, or going through your partner's phone and discover that he or she is seeing someone else.
I can't imagine the extent of the pain
Thirdly, falling out of love.
I'm a big sucker for love, people that know me well know this, I love love, I believe in forever, it scares me that after getting married and pledging forever at the altar, we'll just decide to separate or he'll tell me he doesn't love me anymore and fall in love with someone else. It scares me that we'll fall out of love and be forced to live together out of duty and supposed forever.
Do you think my worries are valid?
I know I mostly focused on the negative stories and I know that not all marriages are like this but you have to agree that news these days isn't encouraging.
I thought of all these today and decided to write about this, as I was writing this article, I thought of this verse in the Bible
Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for
So, I write this hoping to come back to read it later with the realization that I had been wrong, that marriage is the best thing that has happened to humanity.
As the verse said, I have cast all my cares on him and I know he knows his will for me.