I Hate My Life

Once again I'm back, to tell you guys how my life has been going since January 2022. Apparently after the Asuu strike I've been at home doing nothing meaningful. Last year I rented an apartment in my school area and I did not even stay in that house up to 3 months because of the strike and now it's already close to the expiration date. The funny thing is that I don't have any money to renew the rent and apparently my parents are going through some kind of financial difficulties. Initially I rented the apartment with my money. Last year I bought some coins and that's what I sold to rent the house. I even had to remove my SIM from my phone so my landlord won't call me. Seems like the strike is going to continue so good for me I guess, bad for me because I don't have money for rent if they call off the strike right now I don't even have money to attend school. I've tried several things, i've been scammed, ripped, and reduce to nothing, my life is a total mess. I don't even know what to do anymore, everyday I cry and cry and beg God to show me a way out but it doesn't work.

I learnt how to trade forex market but it didn't go well, from one string of losses to another even when I to use my tutor's signal life still doesn't go well. I've ended up with a conclusion that I am probably cursed. The only thing that gives me a little peace of mind is watching anime but as soon as each episodes finishes I get reminded of the trials of my life all over again. I don't really know where I'm going wrong. Whenever I trade demo account it's goes so nicely, but as soon as I involve my money into it I'm doomed. I can't kill myself so I decided to try and try again until there's nothing to try no more and that's where I am. There's nothing to try anymore. At my lowest point i remembered readcash and thought maybe I could scoop up some dollars and try to trade again but if it doesn't work this time I'll just give up cry my eyes out until I can cry no more.

So this is me, living my last days until I no longer have food to eat. Everyday I keep losing faith in God and asking him different questions. If I'm meant to die please help me die quickly, I can't kill myself because I'll probably end up in hell which is more suffering. Everyday I eat once a day, ulcer is the least of my problems. Even if you don't help me, help my parents at least, the pain is becoming too much. Family or friends seems to be of no help, I don't know what to do anymore, I really don't know. With my current state of education I can't even find a decent job. My rent will expire on August 30th few days from now I have no money to renew it, getting ready to move to anywhere I see, anyhow 'man must survive'.

In June I found a job which pays about $14.00 a month. It was a physical job and it was very stressful. After working for a month the lady paid me about $10. She removed some money because I was not available for 2 days due to sickness. I just decided to quit after that. Like how could you be so wicked. I wake up every morning by 6am, go to the shop by 7am, make some sales and run errands until 6pm and getting home by 8pm. Most times I don't get to eat in the morning so I end up eating once a day when I get home. The only free day I had was Sunday which I had to go to church. Some people are just wicked. You decided to remove the small hope that I had. At first the trading stuff was working for me but the moment I took that job my life became a mess. Now I don't know what to do I have nowhere to go and I'm just lost everyday. Now tears is like my daily food, I look miserable and my eye has bags and it's all dipped in. Why must one suffer so much. Last Sunday I didn't go to church, I'm still angry at my situation, like is God not seeing his daughter perishing. If it is time for me to go back to him he should give me some kind of signal so that I will stop suffering in pain and misery. To be sincere I am tired of my life and I hate myself and I hate my life.

Please anyone out there, if you have a means whereby I can make money, legit source of income that will amount to at least $500 in less than a month please tell me. I will try to beg my landlord to wait until September ending. If I don't get any solution before then then I don't know what to do. I have nothing to sell anymore, i sold my phone and got a lower grade. The value of the phone I'm using now is not up to $30.

Please somebody, help me.