I Dont Know How I Feel

Greetings,

I dont know how I feel today, my heart sink, and my head spin.

I, dont know where to start either, it's a kind of feelings that only me can understand, but writing it aloud help me voice out whats inside me.

People always thought, that if you are working and leaving overseas, money is not an issue for you, they thought that you have always had enough,and as if you had never gone out of everything.

In my case, sometimes, I wanna scream out loud, my family members thought money is like a spring of river that is flowing from my pockets.

My sole responsibility is the expenses of my mother, but in general my siblings also depends on my pocket, which I feel hard to understand.

I have also my own family but in a meantime I dont have kids yet, so not really tough, but I have also so many bills to paid off every months and savings for myself, but sometimes overspending is my headache.

I always tried to manage my over all expenses for a moth, but in some matters I cant do it..I tried but I cant because my family at home have a lot more needs to pay than I.

If ever I says some words, I am bad in the expense, that I am trying to explaining my sides, sometimes I can says that the world is so really unfair, that He gives me a lot of things that bothers me

I know myself better, and I reacting if this is too much and losing my patience and makes my temper gone wrong, I cant hide it all inside, I will burst out anytime.

I am not a bad persons, and my lessons learned that being good sometimes people even family members taking advantage with your kindness.

Sometimes, I tried to escape, let them realized, if I am not around, can they do that with in their aid, and I want to know if my presence is really a matters for them to look up to.

I know that sometimes, I feel tired, realizing that everything I shouldered on, but not at all time I just need to be quiet, and be fine, and absorbs, everything as it was though.

I dont know how to let them feel what I feel, because if I said something as what I written up, I turn bad to them, but I can't let them and trained them that I am alright, as if my pocket is an open ATM Machine for them, that anytime, they wants some bucks, and I will let it flow freely for them.

I know that as family is normal to give and take but in my case, I always give in never had taken for all times. Its a big headache.

Money is just a money but its a matter to someone like me, I have to fine, one way or another, but I dont know know where to begin.

I shared it with you readers, so that I honestly telling, that I am experiencing this, and maybe one of you thus as well.

I feel so down and I dont know how to feel my feelings a consolation, I know it is just a simple matters but I cant hide to myself that I am hurts.

I hope that I can fine a solution to resolved my personal issues tru your positive advices, but please dont blame me that I am so personal.

There was a time that I also shared it to my bestfriend and as the same issue she also experiencing what I went through, so this a kind weirdy situation, that we are tracking the same path and we are advising, one another and its a big owwww!

I know its not a bump of a kind embarrasing but in the case that we can't make up ideas as we are in the same situation, and I can't barely give advise as I cant even make up with my own, it a shaks, and I dont know how to say it.

Thank you for the time dropping a glimpse to my articles.

Have a Great Day!

Note: Lead image source: Unsplash