Why do you see it as a means of Payment?

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Avatar for Davinchysax
2 years ago

I cannot but talk about this issue even though it has been long overdue in my mind although I have tried to be mute about it. I think or should I say that I believe today is the day meant for me to voice out my opinion on this issue that has gradually eaten up most relationships. The thoughts I will be expressing in this article are my personal experiences and findings which I have garnered over the years.

This does not mean that I am a professional but it means that I am a human being who has made a deliberate effort to understand some of the things that have affected the smooth flow of our love lives as individuals. Some of us must have had this discussion with friends and it may have ended well or sour. This is because it is a very delicate matter which one must approach with a careful and unbiased mind. You can’t discuss it without being balanced all through the process because the moment it is perceived that you are not balanced, it turns into an argument. This is why I would try to be as balanced as possible so as not to give room for arguments that will not lead us into a better understanding of the bone of contention.

 

I guess by now you will be wondering what the issue might be. I would want you to wonder no more. The issue I am talking about is nothing other than;

·        Sex and what both genders see it as.

For me to do this better, I would want to talk about sex not because you do not understand what it is but because this article will be incomplete without it.

 

Let us talk about Sex

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The world we are living in today has made it very necessary that we must talk about sex either directly or indirectly. Sex in this context is not about gender rather it is used to represent the intercourse that happens between both genders. Although a lot of ideologies have emanated which has distorted the age-long idea of what sex or sexual intercourse is and what it was meant for, which is why we see a whole lot of other forms of sexual intercourse either between same-sex, human and animal, human and toys. This does not erase the fact that sex was initially meant not just for fun but for procreation. In this day and age, a lot of people have taken sex as a means of reward for one form of favour or the other. This is exclusive of those who serve as sex workers. I would want you to focus more on what we now see sex as.

I was in a phone conversation with a friend and somehow we found ourselves talking about relationships and the role of men in relationships. Something struck me when I heard her point of view about what I said. Mind you, the relationship we are talking about is outside the gates of marriage.

Now, I told her that a man who has not married a woman officially (according to the traditions within your environment) is not under any obligation to take care of the ladies needs both financially and otherwise. I continued by telling her that whatever the man does for her should be seen as a show of love and care and not an obligation. She did not allow me to finish before cutting in with her response. She said; if that be the case then, there should be no sex in a relationship outside marriage”. She continued by saying that sex should also not be seen as an obligation.

 

I know that a lot of us are already battling with words that are boiling in our minds right now but I would want you to calm down and try to comprehend everything before jumping to hasty conclusions. In other not to confuse us, I would want us to look at this issue from the side of both genders.

What ladies want (W.L.W)

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I am not a woman to say that I understand fully what they want but I am talking based on the things I have observed in both my relationships and that of others. What I am about to say is particularly seen within the shores of Africa especially Nigeria. 

This is not in any way a means of generalization of every woman’s want in a relationship. The moment a man asks a lady out on a date, it is assumed that he is ready both financially and mentally to take care of the lady’s needs starting from that moment. This is practically what goes on in the mind of most ladies even though they may deny the fact. Some will tell you on the first that they are not out for your money but after the first few months, you will begin to see them act differently. Now, looking at the issue at hand, you will understand that most ladies went into a relationship not necessarily out of love but because the guy will be able to take care of their bills.

 

When this becomes the motive for a relationship, sex or sexual intercourse will now be seen as a means of payment instead of as a means to express love with one another. Most times I get to hear ladies talk about sex as though it is a one-sided thing. They make it look as if the man is the only person who is enjoying whatever there is to enjoy during the process.

By the time a man is made to believe that the only thing a woman has to offer in a relationship is sex then, the woman begins to lose her relevance the more the man gets the sex. This is exactly what happens in most relationships and by then, the woman will begin to feel like another piece of furniture whenever she visits the man. If as a woman you develop such mentality that sex is your means of payment, then you must also understand that this man who is yet to marry you can get this sex from commercial sex workers even at a cheaper rate and in any style or form he may want it.

A piece of quick advice for the single ladies

  • ·        The most important thing for a lady to do is to stop seeing herself as a piece of sexual gratification for the man.

  • ·        As a woman, you must struggle to give yourself a true meaning for your existence because when you don’t have value within you, you cannot create value. Just as we know; you cannot give what you don’t have.

  • ·        Make a man want you so bad. The truth is that a lot of ladies have misunderstood or misinterpreted this statement. This is why you see them going under the blade to change one thing or the other in their body just to look more alluring to the men. You can make a man want you without being naked or destroying yourself all in the name of enhancing yourself. Don’t forget that once a man ejaculates, he does not need you if you are only a sex toy for him.

What the guys want (W.G.W)

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The first mistake most men make when it comes to relationships is misplacing their priority. If you as a man want to go into a relationship and the only reason you are going into a relationship is that the lady is beautiful and you would want to have carnal knowledge of her then, you have already started to fail as a man. Sex is not and should not be seen as a trophy that must be won at all costs. The truth is that even the Bible commands men to love their wives and if for any reason you decide to date a lady then, you must be sure that you truly love her. It is the love you have for her that will make you go the extra mile for her in terms of material and emotional sacrifices without looking for a reward which you ultimately think sex stands for.

 

Never make the mistake of thinking that a lady cannot get sexual gratification from elsewhere if she chooses irrespective of the amount of money and emotional sacrifice you commit in the relationship. This is why you should try and show the lady an overflowing level of love that money does not necessarily give. This will make her loyal and respectful to you just as the Bible commands them to do.

A piece of quick advice to the guys

  • ·        Don’t ever think you can buy love with your money remember that even the world richest men are all facing marital challenges which have led them to divorce.

  • ·        As a man, how you see a woman goes a long way to determine how you will treat her. If you have not been looking at that lady you are dating as a potential wife, then you are missing a very big point. Although not all relationships end in marriage, you must try to look beyond the shores of dating.

  • ·        Never make the mistake of putting a woman to the test because we are all humans and we are bound to fail.

  • ·        The most important thing every man must do is to bring out the best in the woman you are dating. Help her to achieve her dreams in life because that is when you will have her true loyalty.

 

I will end this article here because I believe I have been able to pass the message across to us. Thank you for reading this bulky article of mine and please, do not attach your love to anything, let it come from within.

 

Davinchysax loves you…

Please don’t forget to ⏩SUBSCRIBE⏪ for more.

 

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2 years ago

Comments

This is the scenario, I don't know if it is happening in the world but I feel angry with ladies having this impression that they must be cared for in exchange for sex.

It makes it look like they are doing it for me in exchange for how you care for them, I have ended a relationship because of that before. I made it clear that I you demand too much from me because of sex then I can just go meet and harlot that will get paid for her service, she misunderstood it and thought I called her a prostitute.

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2 years ago

You just stated the obvious but of course, we still have a lot of them thinking in one direction which is money and nothing else...

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2 years ago

But why would you even say that to her in the first place? What were you expecting her to think or feel at that moment? I am not judging or saying this because I am a lady but for crying out loud that wasn't the best way to have passed your message across to her. Ladies' thoughts run wild and the moment you wrongly pass a message, they wrongly receive it or misunderstand you.

Well, it is what it is. You already said whatever you said and you guys ended, soo no much talk😃 I am just saying your approach was a flawed one.🙂

$ 0.06
2 years ago

My bad, the truth is when you keep treating an issue the soft way and it doesn't work out, you need to apply the hard way.

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2 years ago

😂😂 the hard way seemed to be the hardest sha. I hope you still add small softness to it, it doesn't kill😂

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2 years ago

I cannot subtract anything from this boo, you nailed it. But seriously most men think that a lady owes them sex simply because they are dating each other. I mean what the heck!. Do they only go into a relationship just to have a sex partner or what? I don't get it.

Why do most of them feel that because they are caring for this person or meeting most of their needs that they too should be offered something in return and that thing should be sex? Jez... Who does that?

And then some ladies will turn themselves to sex tools just to satisfy some son of Adam and call it love? Which kind yeye love be that? Las las they will still dump them and move to another.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

My **** be calming down... The real problem is the ability for both gender to distinguish between value and money...

$ 0.00
2 years ago

I live your advice to single ladies. Don't make yourself valueless. And don't make yourself a dog that sells herself for money or pleasure. If a lady respects herself, she will be carried and treated with respect.

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2 years ago

The greatest challenge we have is that the younger generation do not understand the difference between value and money...

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2 years ago

Truth ...Money can't buy love..not a true love..A relationship that focus only to money as the center of everything will lose it's value.as time passes by..If your money is gone ..love will be gone too.. A true love can exist without incuding money in your relationship.😊

$ 0.05
2 years ago

You have spoken rightly... The emphasis we have given to money is one of the major reasons why relationships fail today.

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2 years ago

It's no longer relationship when a girl have to give the guy sex and the guy returns it with gift. It's a transaction.

When a guy give his girl gifts , it should be as a show of affection with no expectation of return in any form.

$ 0.05
2 years ago

You are right but the problem is that most girls see their as the only thing the have to offer in a relationship.

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2 years ago

That's true. That's why after break up most lines is "after i gave him my body..."

There are more to offer in a relationship than sex. A girl shouldn't feel indebted to her boyfriend because of what he buys or give her. There are other way of paying back

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2 years ago