The prejudices towards friendship between a man and a woman are usually based on the traditional way of raising children, with strict separation of the sexes.
The idea that the only possible relationship between a man and a woman is a loving one is not only outdated, but it doesn't match reality. On the contrary: as there is a "disinterest, declared or explicit, on both sides, men and women feel more comfortable; the role that society has assigned them passes for the moment to a secondary, distant plane, and both she and he can manifest as they really are, with complete freedom.
The prejudices towards friendship and only friendship between a man and a woman are usually based on the traditional way of raising children, often with strict separation between the sexes. This ignorance of the way men feel, act and react, gives women a distorted vision of reality. For the "old-fashioned" raised woman, men will fall into two extreme categories: the exemplary man, who deserves all their devotion and respect ... and the ordinary jerk who deserves only mockery and sarcasm. Whether you consider it a superior being, or if you consider it interior design, none of these forms suggest fairness and companionship in dealing.
Men are not all heroes and not all fools. Men are people, like us, and many of them as sensitive or more than our friends can be.
And this is the first great advantage of cultivating a man's friendship: women who still suffer from that distorted image, in one sense or another, will begin to understand through a friend that men are not some mysterious arcana.
They will lose their fear of male proximity! And the relationships with your boyfriend or her husband will become healthier and more natural ... But there are also other advantages.
This silent current of sympathy and attraction experienced by the person of one sex in front of another of the opposite sex, although it is not expressed in loving terms, is a source of energy and joy for both men and women.
That mysterious "electricity that flows from one to the other, confirms that we are attractive, vital ... and the same thing happens to men. When we go through an emotional crisis because a romantic relationship has disappointed us, men have the power to.
Men comfort, but in a different way than women do, and many psychologists consider this to be more effective. Instead of sitting in front of us hour after hour to listen to our problems, the men will encourage us to go out, to accompany them, to share activities with them, which may vary between the opera or a tennis match, according to their tastes and the our staff.
In a stage of life in which the woman for whatever reason is alone, the company of a friend is saving, so as not to have to appear alone at parties, at the theater, in a simple outing to the cinema. The man who accompanies a woman gives her security, and you can stay on the street until late if you wish, in the confidence that they will accompany you back to your home, safe and sound.
Since no romantic ties unite them, through a friend you can meet other equally interesting men, but who do potentially represent your future partner.
Friends or partner?
What we said before does not mean that the friend is a kind of "substitute for the man in your life in which the place is vacant. That is not healthy or sincere ... although unfortunately, many times it happens that way.
Many women think that a kind of taboo falls on other men from the moment they get married. Some fear falling into the language of their neighbors; others do not want to provoke the husband's jealousy; others are actually terrified of becoming too romantically involved with the friend ... and jeopardizing their marriage.
The reality is the opposite: a friend can help make the marriage go much better. For example, on the friend can fall functions that the husband detests. Let's suppose that the husband hates ballet, and that one of the reasons for conflicts between the couple is that she feels kidnapped, away from everything that interested her before and from the bears she used to enjoy ... here is the friend, to accompany her to that special performance by a famous dancer whose very mention turns her husband's stomach.
A friend
Because in fact, human beings have many needs, varied and complex. The husband represents love and security in a woman's life. But a friend can represent the intellectual stimulus necessary for our mind to continue cultivating.
Unless you are an incarnation of Othello, if you have given enough reasons and assurances, your husband will understand that there is nothing wrong with your being distracted. Anyway, look in these same pages for a few suggestions on how to behave towards a male friend, especially if you are married, so that no one is mocked or offended and you and everyone feel happy. These suggestions are endorsed by notable American psychologists.
Friends and the profession or the job
Having friends is the best "school" for a woman to get ahead in her job or profession. In a recent study among the 50 women who held the highest management positions in California, all declared that there had been a friend, a man, who opened the doors to success. All also, from childhood, were used to having friends of both sexes. And this knowledge of men, as people, made it easier to know how to relate to them and find them at the level of colleagues.
Indeed, even if we read all the books that have been published in the world about the performance of professions and business, we would not learn as much as having a friend in those fields. Simply because not everything that is known is written.
The world of work has only recently opened up to women, and there are, as in all fields, things that are taken for granted, procedures dictated by practice, etc., with which men have long been familiar. centuries. Falling into that world, without the guidance of one of the "insiders" would make progress very difficult, if not impossible. Involuntarily, the woman may be violating one of those "unwritten laws" and earning the enmity of her partners.
Men, accustomed to tough competition, have a very direct way of advancing towards their goals, and can transmit to women that impulse to never stop in intermediate positions, even if they are "pleasant", but to continually strive to reach the highest . They can communicate part of their confident, bold and aggressive attitude to us.
When arriving at a new job, the support of a friend can be decisive. In all companies there is a secret structure with which you will have to deal, in ignorance, while you get to unravel it: who are allies, who are enemies, who is really in charge, who is responsible for getting things done, who is the troublemaker of the group, who is the boss's favorite, who has his position in danger ... A sincere friend can help you unravel these little intrigues, saving you time and stumbles.
But, the real and main reason we should have male friends is ... because they need us! In the same type of study mentioned, carried out this time among businessmen, it turned out that men trust women more, because they see less spirit of competition in them, and prefer to consult all their problems with a friend, a colleague, and not with friends or partners of your gender.
What more could one wish for? Appreciating and esteeming each other, women and men, as friends, have at their disposal the security, affection, and all the emotional and practical advantages of someone who shares a solid human relationship. Which on a large scale translates into a world with less loneliness and greater happiness for all, men and women.
How to make Friendship
Frequent places where people who have the same tastes meet. The strongest and most lasting friendships are based on a common interest.
From the beginning, mention your husband to your boyfriend with affection, so that it is clear that what interests you about her is only her friendship. Avoid, of course, anything that may seem flirtatious. At the beginning of the friendship, focus only on the interest or interests that you have in common, and save the conversations of personal matters for later, if they become intimate.
Do not always start from the assumption that she may have ulterior motives. Many women fall into the error of thinking that men only address them for romantic purposes. There are all kinds of men, just as there are all kinds of women.
How to dissipate your partner`s zeals
If your boyfriend or husband thinks there is no room for other men in your life, try to convince her, in these simple ways:
Do not keep it secret that you have one or more friends who are men. Talk about this with your partner so that the anxiety you may feel can lessen. Only limited information is what produces mistrust.
Make sure you don't give your friend energy and attention that you deprive your husband of. Your partner has to be the central focus of your attention, interest, and passion at all times, of course.
Pass on any positive comments your friend makes about her to your husband.
If your husband arrives, and you are talking to your friend, don't cut the thread of the conversation right away. Carry on for a bit and then tell your husband what you were talking about so she can join the conversation.
How to maintain friendship
Do not completely reject the friendship of a man who has shown you a love interest, if you do not feel the same way. That friendship can be saved if you discuss the matter openly with him. Explain your position to him and let him know that you deeply appreciate him as a friend, but nothing more. It may be that he agrees to continue the friendship, because what would actually make it impossible is for each of you to secretly have a different idea of how those relationships are going to develop in the future.
Don't forget that with men, as with women, there are various levels of friendship. There are friends of the same profession or those who work with you; acquaintances with whom activities are shared; and close, faithful friends with whom you can vent your heart. Only time tells where each one will be placed.
Treat your friends with the same attention and affection that you show your friends. Men are just as emotional, sentimental, and romantic as women. So send him flowers for his birthday, call him if you suspect he is depressed and make him feel that you care for him and think that he is a wonderful person.
