Do you remember your adolescence?
Surely so, but, as we mentioned earlier, adolescence itself is examined from a new point of view when you have a child. Children often reproach their parents: "Remember when you were young!", And parents often reply: "Precisely because I remember ...".
This is a stage that brings together special characteristics that are observed in most families. To the amazement of his parents (how, if only yesterday he was a child?) And himself, the pre-adolescent or pubescent begins to experience a series of consumptive and emotional changes.
Boys
Males appear to be made of wire; His arms and legs are long, his trunk too short. Their voices begin to change and their tone becomes somewhat unstable; Hair sprouts all over them and they become clumsy in their movements.
They begin to prefer the company of their friends to that of their family, they prefer to go dancing than go to eat at their grandmother's house, they begin to feel new things, they like girls and fear them tremendously; when they try to approach a member of the opposite sex they turn pale, sweat, stutter, and withdraw.
Conflicts with parents become frequent and more violent than in previous stages; This is because they begin to question the values instilled by the family, to adopt their own.
The girls
Young girls physically mature faster than boys. Their growth is less noticeable and they are acquiring the body of a woman. They begin to worry about makeup, hairstyle, fashionable clothes. It is the age when they stop eating because they feel overweight, although this is not true.
When you see a pimple on your face, you are in real conflict; they spend long hours in front of the mirror while they contemplate themselves and think about the day their prince charming will arrive ... In addition to this, telephone bills also increase considerably.
Parents
Also for parents, the growth of their children implies a series of changes and adaptations. Dad, who just a year or two ago was an idol, is now an "old man with old fashioned ideas"; mom "gets mad about everything"; and it all ends in "nobody understands me." The boy or girl in question runs to lock himself up in his room and listens to the rock group of his choice at full volume, trying not to think how unhappy he is.Faced with this situation, parents of adolescents ask: "How should I drive my children?"
Teens and school
Adolescence not only involves changes in physical and emotional appearance; it also represents greater responsibilities and a strong change when it comes to the school environment. At this stage, middle school begins, that is, high school, high school or equivalent.
Think and remember what this implies for the young student. It represents a transition from elementary school, in which he had one or two teachers and in which he was still treated as a child, to a school where the first phrase heard from the teacher is: "This is already primary, you guys. They are already young and from now on they will have more work and responsibilities.
They will have to do teamwork and study hard if they want to be someone in life. ”This is enough to scare anyone.
But, on the other hand, we could not pretend that all of life children were just that, children, and that they will never mature. Therefore, what they have to do is adapt to their new life circumstances.
Studious children suddenly become rebellious, "I don't know what happened to him, he always got good grades," say anguished parents. And of course, this anguish does not stop there, it brings its consequences: punishments begin, friends and parties are forbidden.
Of course this is not the case in general. The opposite is also often the case, and the child does not necessarily deteriorate in school performance, but simply becomes an introvert and is concerned about his grades.
Once the most frequent cases have been exposed, and that you will surely know in depth if you have teenage children, let's see.
What to do with teenage children?
The importance of this stage in the future life of the young person should be considered in the vocational aspect. As already mentioned in previous points, it is extremely important that the inclination that your child has for this or that profession is discovered. This preference must be respected and the boy must be encouraged in his choice.
The degree of demand must increase, but not precisely from the parents towards the son or daughter, but from the young person towards himself. Here the habits formed and the principles instilled in childhood must bear fruit; If these are solid, the adolescent will overcome this stage as he has done with the previous ones, and as he will surely do with the later ones.
Therefore, if for young children we suggested little parental intervention regarding schoolwork, now with all the more reason we reiterate it. Again, this does not imply that children become totally independent, because there is a certain ambivalence about it or they want to be adults, and at the same time they need protection from their parents. Nor should poor school performance be supported; you just have to be discreetly aware.
The communication
This is the main factor of conflict in many families, and the success factor of many others. Open, healthy and sincere communication allows a rapprochement between parents and children; allows you to share wishes, feelings and concerns, avoiding misunderstandings.
If this sounds utopian to you, it would be convenient for you to remember that communication constitutes the main factor of unity and continuity between human groups, and that the family, being the basic cell of society, should be the starting point for promote communication.
Just look at families who have problems with teenage children (alcohol, "undesirable" friends, dropouts or poor school performance, strange clothing, etc.) and you will discover that, deep down, there is a greater or lesser lack of communication scale. Young people do not trust their parents, parents say that they cannot talk to their children.
Who are right? Perhaps there is reason on both sides and the question would be simply to ask, who will take the first step?
Talk to your children about the issues that concern them, such as sex, AIDS, alcohol, drugs, career choice, dating, etc. never withhold information from them "to protect them." Think that if they are in a dangerous situation, it is easier for them to identify it if they are well informed "Ignorance does not make wise.
If you feel uninformed on some topics, look for suitable literature or turn to a person you trust who has the necessary elements to guide you.
Remember that if you did not maintain constant communication during your children's childhood, in adolescence it will be more difficult, but not impossible. If you are willing to guide your children, it is never too late to seek an opportunity for dialogue.
Open, healthy and honest communication will allow a true rapprochement between parents and children.
