Assertiveness? Do we really establish assertive communications? How important is it?

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11 months ago

Do you find yourself saying "YES" in situations where you really felt you should say "No"? Do you find it difficult to express his displeasure to a friend or colleague, even if he believes he is justified? Does he have a hard time accepting praise? If he answered yes to any of the above questions he may not be as assertive in his communication as he would like to be.

The word assertive, from assertion, comes from the Latin assertus and means "Affirmation of the certainty of a thing", from there we can see that it is related to firmness and certainty or truthfulness, and we can deduce that an assertive person is one who affirms with certainty.

Now, what is being assertive? It is the relationship with our awareness of ourselves first, of those around us, and of the environment in which we operate.

Assertiveness, a voice related to communications that has been incorporated into the common language of people. When we say assertiveness, we refer to a way to interact effectively in any situation, including those moments in the relationships between human beings that represent a challenge for the one who sends a message, because through it one can confront or make the person uncomfortable. receives.

When we talk about learning to be assertive, I mean promoting the development of skills that will allow us to be direct, honest and expressive people in our communications; in addition to being safe, self-respecting and having the ability to make others feel valuable.

Being Assertive Implies having a very effective intrapersonal communication with oneself: Being aware of our thoughts, motivations, needs and desires without judging them, managing our emotions and assuming the situation responsibly.

Find the value that you have for who you are, the awareness of being as important as any other person on this planet. Not more important, but not less, neither the best nor the worst, all equally important.

Being assertive is managing our emotions and assuming the situation responsibly.

Knowing and feeling good about the talents received and the qualities developed. It is recognizing that our intelligence is sufficient to assess our situations, and make decisions without needing the approval of others.

Having learned to recognize oneself, and this represents having a positive image of oneself, and a positive feeling that have been achieved through continuous learning, ideally being assertive should lead us to consciously work towards a Winning solution

  • To earn? It means making sure that all parties involved meet their needs as much as possible.

It is a fundamental sense of equality in everything. It is also the willingness to tune into the experience of others without jumping to conclusions or judgments about them or us, developing the ability to apply reason derived from experience to make responsible and beneficial decisions.

It is the willingness to achieve what we want while being aware that the results depend on many factors, however it is valid to remain flexible when choosing and if necessary allow ourselves to change our minds.

It is taking calculated risks, but without avoiding reality, accepting that situations exist beyond our control, and staying confident that by staying focused on those we can influence, most of our needs will be met.

Assertiveness is innate and learned. So that the path towards assertiveness can become a learning process, a new process of discovering the potentialities that one has in a relationship with oneself is a learned behavior. If we are lucky enough to have good models of assertive people during our childhood, it will be natural for us to develop that habit, otherwise we may find ourselves in the situation of wanting to cultivate it.

Men and women traditionally have different social orientations. Sometimes it is socially acceptable for men to be aggressive, while women are expected to be passive and submissive, today the reality is different. Some women, trying to break the submissive "mold" or with which society intends to "label" them, frequently believe that the only way to do so is by adopting the diametrically opposite position, that of aggressiveness, while recognizing that aggressive behavior is little feminine.

It is then that they consider being assertive, which, unlike aggressiveness, is compatible with femininity. We can say that the first step towards assertiveness is generated in the relationship of the human being with himself.

Some people avoid being assertive because they are afraid of displeasing others and not being accepted for it. However, while an immediate rift could be avoided by not being assertive, it could hurt the relationship in the long run. This could also happen if you avoid asserting your rights and allow yourself to be taken advantage of over and over again.

On many occasions they find it difficult to be assertive due to negative attitudes learned during childhood, in these cases it helps to focus on the positive in ourselves, others and the situation. Start expressing what you like about your friends and family and soon they will return the compliments.

Assertive Behavior has several stages:

1) Describe the behavior: "When I'm talking to you and you don't pay attention to me."

2) Express your feelings: "I feel bad, I think you are not interested in what I am telling you." instead of "You are", the focus here is on the "I feel", "I want" part of the exhibition. When expressing anger, it is common to tend to accuse the other person, exaggerate and get involved with emotions. Employing this technique allows us to constructively focus on ourselves and be clear about our

3) Create empathy: "I understand that you are under a lot of pressure because of the exams.

4) Negotiate a change: "However, I want you to give me your own feelings.

5) Report consequences: "Because if you don't, I'd rather you don't come visit me.


To help us be assertive, it is important to have a positive vision of life and a sense of our value as unique beings, to be clear about our rights and responsibilities, it is useful to express something positive to each person with whom you deal with during the day, even if they are small details. , remember that these can make big differences

Making a list of the things we like most about our work and home is a good idea to start training ourselves to see the positive in every situation. Once that list is finished, create another one with your best personal attributes, this will allow you to maintain a clear perspective when situations arise that give you the opportunity to act assertively.

To be assertive it is important to identify your rights as a human being you have the right to:

  • Achieve your goals

  • Decide the direction of your life

  • Your own opinions

  • Improve yourself

  • Privacy

  • To make mistakes

  • Using some or all of the following techniques would make our work easier.

Assert your rights. Insist on being treated fairly. Be as clear and specific as you can when expressing what you want, think, and feel. When you disagree with someone, it's not a good idea to pretend to agree just to "stay calm" by smiling, nodding, or paying attention. It would be more beneficial in the long run to change the subject or express our disagreement more actively. If a person asks you to do something that seems unreasonable or unpleasant, ask "why" you should do it.

As adults we deserve an explanation and it is our right to insist on a convincing explanation.

It is fair and necessary that others know our opinions and feelings about anything that is of interest. It is not about monopolizing the conversations, but about participating when it is appropriate.

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Avatar for Dani01
Written by
11 months ago