How I started and quit alcohol

I needed to get this off my chest. I thought here would be as good a place as any.

My relationship with alcohol started when I was 18. I actually was a good, but awkward boy before that. I was always a little depressed since everything I said seemed to be taken the wrong way, and was usually hanging around the goth crowd. Then I tried beer, and REALLY liked it. I found myself more outgoing, I could get my thoughts across better, and people seemed to enjoy being around me. I ended up drinking more and more to keep the buzz.

During University I was always the drunk one, but thanks to all the comedies playing at the time, I always assumed that was how it was meant to go. You go for a drink, have an adventure, try to survive the hangover the next day. I thought I was the life of the party. It was years before I overheard a conversation I wasn't meant to, and found out they were not laughing with me, but at me. That really hurt me. This had been going on for years. All the people I thought were my friends, thought I was their drunken monkey. It also shed light on a number of things I had always wondered about, including an EX that broke up with me. It wasn't because of anything I had done, it was because while I was away on an errand she gave lap dances to every one, and ended up sleeping with a couple of my supposed friends.

So I cut off all ties to these scum, and turned to the thing I knew would make me feel better. Drinking more. This continued for quite awhile. Every time I failed something, it was someone else's fault, not me drinking too much. Eventually I hit my low point. 80kg over weight, depressed alcoholic considering bankruptcy to take care of all my outstanding bills.

I decided things couldn't go on like this. I found a job at a very understanding workplace. Eventually I learnt how to reduce the amount I drank, and became what is known as a functioning alcoholic. I got into the financial services, where everyone is a functioning alcoholic, coked up or a plain psychopath. I made quite a bit of money, but it was one of the most soulless experiences I have ever been involved with. Sales are the only thing that matter. The coked up ones excelled here. The functioning alcoholics tended to be the people that still had a conscious, but that prevented us selling totally unsuitable products to people. The psychopaths loved either being in sales where they made insane amount of very inappropriate sales, or in charge of complaints, where they could watch people crumble and ask for help.

Eventually I was made redundant. It involved a power struggle in the higher levels, that filtered down. Basically our team worked under one manager ( several levels up ) who always got on well with his boss. His boss always gave him heads up whenever there was opportunities, or warnings when things were looking shaky so he could prepare. This boss got promoted, and a week later the new boss ( who he didn't get on with ) decided we need to streamline ( ie fire people ). It was then decided that our entire team could either move to another country to join up with the other vaguely related department under his lackeys control, go back to customer facing jobs, or take redundancy. Conveniently allowing them to side promote the old manager to a dead end no promotion path. Well bum, no job.

I was still very overweight, and decided I wanted nothing to do with corporations any more. I got a job as a postman. Suddenly I was doing 15km a day of walking, 6 days a week. I started getting fit, but the weight always seemed to hang around. That's when I finally learned that beer had calories. I know, this is obvious, but I honestly never knew this before. I loaded up my fitness pal, and started scanning everything before it went into my mouth. I then realised my usual light drinking was almost my entire daily calorie allowance. After 20 years of having AT LEAST 1 litre of beer a day, I decided enough was enough. I can't keep going like this. I put the money aside I would spend on beer a month, and put it into premium bonds and crypto products. It was a good way for me to measure my progress. I stopped NEEDING the beer munchies as well. So far I have been clean for 5 months and dropped more than 40kg, I am still overweight, but I think it is only a matter of time now. I wanted to share this good news with my friends, but the only ones I am still kind of friendly with couldn't understand why I'm quitting drinking.

This made me remember why I started drinking, I am back to being an awkward man, only friends to a few people, with too many depressive thoughts, but after 20 years I've learnt the only thing that can fix that is yourself. Drinking or smoking makes you ok with being bored. Which means nothing changes, which means you drink or smoke more to feel better. If you don't like something, go out and do something about it. Sorry about this rant. I just needed to let it out somewhere.