Unhappy diary

I don't know how to say this but I'm so hurt. How can i cope with a break on my birthday. How can I continue loving with my day spoilt by someone I love and trusted.

Whenever am alone, I think always about first love, the one I love most, then it came to mind that can money buy love. If money can buy love I suppose to have forgotten the love I had for the first man in my life, but since money can't it so hard for me to forget. Many guys comes my way trying to get my love but still I can't just give away my heart. I tried to but the live still remains in my heart. The pain in my heart will never make me believe in love anymore.

Where am I getting things wrong. Making same mistake of my previous year. Sinning to my creator. Not believing in myself anymore. Putting myself in everyday pain. Making life to myself miserable. Not making myself happy. I'm in dilemma on this day. Thinking of how to make things right without hurting anyone. Believe me it so difficult but will try.

Seems I have been wrong with things in my life, have been in sorrow for leaving you to go, missing every moment we share together, making myself lonely without you, but happy to have you back in my life as a friend.

Broke up with mate because it seems like am only hurting myself,wanting to do what my heart don't accept, wanting to please him to make him happy while I hurt my own feelings. I decided to make to make him happy while I make myself also happy by freeing myself from the boundary of pity which I've put myself into.

Now i realise a woman that is too independent does not need a man because If she tries to she will end up breaking many heart. Such woman must first strive hard to conquer her independent by not going into any relationship with a man so as to avoid hurting the man. Although it is not so easy to do so but with time you will overcome the spirit and be able to submit to a man.

The first day i set my eyes on him I fell in love with him,should I say love at first sight. When I look into his eyes I feel like saying the words in my mind but I can't because he is not the person I say It to. The first time he asked me a question my heart strike hard like a storm with pleasure I reply him. How do I do this love in my heart that it will be for the right person and won't hurt.

Seven rules to know

• Make peace with your past,so it won't screw up the present.

• What others think of you, is none of your business.

• Time heals almost everything, give it time.

• Don't compare your life to others and don't judge them. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

• Stop thinking too much. It alright not to know the answers, they will come to you when you least expect it.

• No one is in charge of your happiness, except you.

• Smile you don't own all the problems in the world.

Whatever situation I am right now I believe I'm better than some people. I am unhappy today but I hope for a happy tomorrow. Making family and friends my source of happiness is kind of complicated but right now many dreams of the future makes me realise that only ME can be the happiness of happiness.

Why am I so down, why has life seems hard towards me, why has planned event been like unplanned for. Things are so complicated. Who do I discuss or pour out my heart to that won't laugh at me. How I felt this moment is so much of a complete died man (human) but I hope for a living soon as soon as possible I hope for a living.

I WEPT

When I finally discovered this, when I finally know what the problem is, what now should be my next step,how do I overcome this particular problem. I think I need more time to do so,but how do I sort things out without hurting anyone,how do I solve this without breaking a loving heart.

Wao, it is beginning to happen, I am beginning a new living although not as I want it but still thankful. Still dozing but I hope to be awake very soon. Many plans again but will try hard not to tell it out to anyone so it won't get destroy.

Yes, I think I awake now,my dream is coming to pass little by little. Although I still have a scar in my heart but this upcoming dream is a start to happiness which I dreamt of having soon.

Believe me, this life is so complicated. When you think this is the next move but things fall apart for you and make you look like a fool of yourself.