Autumn

 

Disclaimer

This is a work of fiction. Unless otherwise indicated, all the names, characters, businesses, places, events, and incidents in this book are either the product of the author's imagination or used in a fictitious manner. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, or actual events is purely coincidental.

Autumn-It's been a while since I feel this cold breeze in this afternoon, As I settle down myself at the bench and noticed this old lady at her 80's writing a letter. I didn't notice that I start following her actions and she gaze after me as if I need a guidance from her , she moved out and maybe she feel uncomfortable because a stranger like me starring at her then but I was wrong she utterde something that catch my attention

"Is there anything wrong young lady in my face!"

'Uhm, nothing Madame it just you were familiar!"

"Well it's a pleasure of mine that you recognize me, so what do you want?"

"Hmm nothing, I just want to talk someone to clear my mind, to tell you honestly I want to abort this child in my womb!"

I touch this little bump in my stomach, what a careless woman I have been

"Silly girl do you know that many women want to have a child but it's too late and can't, then you can easily say that "

"I'm useless right! we create this problem and now I want to runaway alone!"

"Don't make the same mistake I did, when I was Young!"

What with this woman, trying to say that we are the same, she seems wealthy and have a carefree married life. She so weird maybe I need to leave, as I stand up to walk away to this woman, she hold my hand

"Wait! I know that you found my words so weird and please don't walk away from me I want to tell you something, if you don't mind this will make your head clear and I'm not married I've been lonely for my rest of life, which I regret the most"

I sat down and listen to her

Tick Tock! Tick Tock! -As the alarm ring I turned it off and throw it somewhere to sleep again, that was a ridiculous alarm clock. I'm Crystal Amari , I was so hot and I love exploring new things. Right know I'm in California enjoying the view and the coffee. Tomorrow morning maybe I go to Greece, but before that I should go out to enjoy. While walking at the sea side, I bump on someone, he so hot but sorry young man, I'm not interest in you

"I'm sorry! for bumping at you "

"Well it's not okay really, you need to treat me a drink!"

"Well a drink for this lady then!"

Without any resistance I follow him I'm already old enough to enjoy my youth so why bother, but I don't know, that day was the start of our love, we go around the California and explore.

"Dear! That was fantastic I want to explore the whole world with you !"

"Me too ! Love "

He stare at me as if I'm his world ,that was the frst time that someone look at me like that ,Some of my previous relationship they just use me and take for granted of my body ,I'm too dumb to realize those stuff I'm to young that time .Right now, I want to settled down and create a family with this man .I feel his lips in mine and make the night wonderful like the moon .

"Good Morning !"

He kissed me ,what a wonderful morning to start on

"What do you want for Breakfast? Bacon ?"

"You !"

and smiled brightly to him

"Silly ! Get up you need to eat , you don't eat your dinner yesterday!"

And my stomache start to growl, he start to laugh

"Damn ! "

"Told you ! now get up or it will be cold !"

"I don't want I want sleep !"

"no you don't "

He start to carry me ,I bridal style I guess this type of carry ,as I to stare at him , He has this brown straight hair, thick eyebrows, deep roundy chocolate eyes , long eyelashes as if he was a girl, I wish I have those eyelashes ,pointy nose , and definetly his kissable lips that I want to kiss forever.

"Am I handsome enough ! to qualify to be your husband !"

"You were perfectly fit !"

We start laughing and start our breafast and start to travel to Paris ,were also known as the lover country many couples were here and you know what the couple do ,make the lock promise and as one of those we are here standing in front of many lock and

"Here I got one for us !"

"silly told you that we don't need those ,our love is enough !"

"Nu uh !,I want you to experience this kind of stuff my Love "

"Can I Change your mind ! ?"

"You Know the answer of that !"

He so romantic , and sometimes I feel embarrased to myself because im not the romantic type of a girl who make surprises to a guy.As we do those cheesy thing ,I start to imagine thing like to surprise him we are already near a year so maybe I will create a surprise for him to our year anniversarry.

"Why Are you smilling there dear ,may you share your thoughts on me !"

"Nothing I just remember something funny !"

"Okay as you say so !"

Suddenly his phone rang and I make a sign go on answer that and start planning my surprise party to him ,I dialled my phone and make a book on Greece ,because that the first time we met ,and told the organizer the thing that I want,then he approach me wth a smiled on his face ,but I think something is wrong

"Are you okay ?!"

"yes ,its nothing personal problems!"

"can you share it with me ?!"

"Not this time ,some other time I will tell you but now I want to enjoy ourselves first okay ,is that okay ?!"

"okay !"

Normally we ended our day taking pictures but not today he seem out of his mind ,maybe I need give him space today and continue what im thingking

"Dear I will just go out for a while is that okay I need to buy something !"

"I will go with you !"

"No you stay okay ,trust me I will be back "

He sighed and agree with me ,I go out to our hotel and travel don to the shop were the jewelry was made and told them to engrave on the ring the date and our names. Thingking about this, it should be him buying ring for us.But no I want to make the day special to him so im making this stuff even though its so cheesy and girly .I get the ring a day before and we are now here at the airport and he seem so cold to me , I don't know he was easily get irritated on smaler things and I don't intend to make her anger to be explode and make it pass ,Then he will cuddled me and saying sorry .It was okay for me ,because I know that it was connected to his personal affairs . The sad part is that I don't know him fully but I trust his love and that was enough.

The Day of our Anniversarry everything was settled the place ,the surprise and anything .

"Dear I need to tell you something !"

"Later Hubby ,It can wait okay !"

"But !"

"No But !"

"Fine !"

He surrender and follow me around the Greece and mesmirizing those past that we met ,such a wonderfull memories of ours, even though it was short time .

Evening has came so fast then I start to blindfold him and guide him to the place

"Are you ready !"

"I wish Im ready for this !"

And start to unblind the fold

"HAPPY ANNIVERSARRY MY LOVE !"

"Damn babe you make this all ,I feel like a gay !"

"Don't be its okay ,it just !"

We start to dance ,eat and the final surprised

"BABE ! IS THAT WHAT YOU MAKE ALL THE YEARS THAT YOU'VE GONE ,SPENDING THE YEAR WITH THAT BITCH !"

A girl shown up ,and that was my greatest nighmare

"What is the meaning of this !"

"Love let me explain,that not wht you think it is "

"then what !"

"It was all about my ..."

"shut up ! LET'S GO HOME YOUR SON WAS WAITING FOR YOU !"

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT CELESTINE ! THAT CHILD WAS NOT MINE !"

He face the woman and

"I think you need to talk "

"No lets face this together !"

He grab my hand but I let go and walk away

"Face it yourself dear ,I will be waiting to the hotel !"

The he followed how I instruct him but my mind wish he follow me ,but it just dismayed mysef for wishing it could be .

At the hotel room as I waited for him ,I saw the door open and before my mind loose I give him a harsh kissed and locked the door .For one last time let me make love with the man that I will love for the last time . I put the ring that I personally customized for him and me at the table .and mesmirizig those past that we shared togeter was happy and genuine .

But the sad part is that he was already engaged on someone and have a son ,Then he woke up . One last look on him then, and I'm scared to the point that I already lose my mind, I talked harshly to him and throw things on him, maybe this love was not mine after all, short time short love. That time I give in and start packing my luggage and when he was out I left without traces but only the rings that was engrave for us .

"Good Bye! My love! "

I board myself to Germany were my original plan is, I enjoy myself go to bars, spent my days with my so-called friends and forget about him. But I'm not a stone that I don't feel anything at all I've been hurt for the first time and I make a terrible mistake. As a woman I know how it feels to be hurt and betrayed. I Should just travel and explore more without loving someone, I'm afraid that I will be hurt again. I don't stay in one place my family is already a decease so no one will be care anyway. Traveling on Paris make me a bitter to those lovers and I remember him , I visit the Eiffel Tower what a masochist I am. Going to the bar is my routine I drank a hard drink then something was not usually on me I saw blood running through my legs and I collapse.

As I opened my eyes, I look out my surroundings and found myself staying in hospital with the doctors surrounding at me, I need to know what is wrong with me.

"Doc, what wrong with me!"

"Ms. Amari you were pregnant for 8 weeks now, but sadly we can save your baby, you have a miscarriage and its affect your ovary you can't bear a baby in the future!"

That's not a problem I can live my own, who need a baby anyway, that was just an distruction in my ways, so rest in peace my unborn child I don't even know, that you were there. What a sad news I have, I laugh and start crying and I don't know why, maybe a little empathy to myself and ask the doctor when I can leave.

"Thank you, doc, so when will I can be discharge ?!"

"Few more days , you may leave and pay your bills"

"So, your leaving!"

A man shown up and I just look at him and give a cold shoulder never been fool again, and thank him for saving me that night. Once is enough twice is too much and damages has been made. So the morning came and again , I travel any country I wish to go , for that I thought that it was good for me and a paradise of me that will make me complete and heal .Years passed and been invited to our reunion of our class, and I find it so weird for myself, for I am the only one who was not married ,for my peers has almost have the perfect family. Here I am stuck between the paradise ,and heartcache I once knew, that make me realize that it was not enough, having a family make my emptiness complete but I'm too much late, I can't have my own.

"Amari where your husband, why are you alone here!"

"I'm not married!"

Sad but truthfully, I can't marry a man for I know that a man will hurt me so I devour myself travelling in different places, that I thought it was paradise for me. But who I am to fool myself having a family will made me complete, making myself alone at this state is awful. Why does I need to realize it today were it was too late, I leaved the reunion after answering her question. What if I have my child, maybe I dress her up and make her a princess, or make a man out of him dress him like a prince, I sigh that was just full of hopes and never will come true.

"Papa! Look the lady is crying I should give her my hanky!"

"Sure, son but be careful okay! "

"Hmm, Auntie don't cry anymore I want you to hold this hanky of mine and brush your tears away for I believe a lady should not cry!"

I brush my tears and hug this little boy, if my unborn child was alive, he's been this age right now. Again, regrets I waste my youthful years for nothing for believing that I was contented, yet here, I am empty. So, I decided to visit my child tomb it's been years my child, I know I'm not worth it to be your mother, for I don't care on your welfare when you were in my womb.

"So, you need to be aware on something having that child on your womb is a blessing, it just that my name mean blessing but I'm not bless enough to enjoy, so I will be alone until my last breath "

I hugged her, and after hearing her story I want to keep this child of mine and fulfill his/her need.

"If you don't mind, you don't mention the man that you once loved, where is he!"

"He died on a car accident because of me, he wanted to find me but that happens!'

"I'm sorry to hear that, thank you mama!"

"What do you call me, mama?"

"Yes, for I believe that you need to hear it "

"Well thank you then it was an honor be called like that, I think the father of your child is hunting you with care , he was walking toward us right know!"

"Hmm, thank you!"

"Oh, sweety don't leave me again I can't bear to lose you, don't do it again you will be the death of me!"

As I was busy to my future husband, I don't notice that mama is nowhere to be found, that old lady lives a sad life I wish her a good health.

What a day I have, need to take some meds so this pain will go away I'm alone and no one will care for me. But I want to write to my old self, but suddenly a song played and the song kind of related to me.

Sometimes I've been to cryin' for unborn children

That might have made me complete

But I, I took the sweet life and never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet

I spent my life exploring the subtle whoring that cost too much to be free

Hey lady, I've been to paradise, but I've never been to me

Dear old self,

I want to tell you that your so stupid and dumb woman, you have the full chances but you let it slipped easily, so many chances that God let you but you ruin it that why you suffer alone, if you have the chance to change it. I want you to change the day you leaved your man because of your heartache ,I want you to fix it then you may able to leave your own happy life but, I know funny thing, Is that this will not change a thing for I know that my time is almost over ,I need to rest for I'm restful"

I drink my champagne for the last time and sleep on my bed with a good dream.

"Mama, I been waiting for you, why does you come late papa is waiting for you!"

"My child, your alive!"

"Yes, sweet heart, we are waiting you to come, and now you're here with us we can now live happily, so will you take my hand for the second time "

"Yes, sweet heart I will come with you, to the both of you "

I hug them both and cried, promising myself I will never let them go again, I held their arms and go with them happily now I found my own happiness, wishing this dream will never end.

Later on, that day it was been aired that the model in her decades name Crystal Amari died on her bedroom with a smile on her face and her diary was been published for it was her last wish.

The diary became a top seller for it wants to make every woman cherish of creating , having a family makes them complete and living alone with wealth is not happy at all, too much freedom will cause you emptiness.

****************

This was my entry in my club on my second year ,because we were supposed to pass a theme of bitter sweet with our entry form