Has the age difference between siblings been a problem for you during childhood?
If your answer is a resounding "no", let me tell you that you have completely forgotten your childhood; since the age difference between the "yes" siblings represents a serious problem, which can greatly affect the child in his psychic and physiological development. Let's see how the normal development of any person takes place.
One of the golden dreams of women (and, why not? Of men who want to form a family) is to be able to fulfill themselves fully, first as a wife and second as a mother. From the moment a young woman is born, until she commits herself to the man she loves and marries at the altar, her life is entirely conditioned to become an ideal wife and mother. From an early age, the marked maternal instinct is externalized from the moment a girl begins to play dolls with her friends. They play to breastfeed the baby, bathe him, put him to sleep and take him out for a walk ... It is nature itself that will take charge, a few years later, to materialize what until now had been a product of the kingdom of the dreams.
The stage of puberty arrives and for the young woman a new world never dreamed of before opens up. Now he understands many things that years ago he could not understand: he discovers the process of life and the reason for existence. And what had previously been pure instinct as a product of her innocence now, moved by her curiosity as a woman in her first steps, she becomes her mother's ally, and she, in turn, becomes your confidant. Years pass, she socializes at school and college, and meets the young man who will definitely become her boyfriend, and perhaps, later, a possible candidate for marriage.
AND FINALLY THE MARRIAGE!
Louis XII, King of France, said of love: "Love is the king of youth and the tyrant of the old." This phrase has become a proverb and with good reason, because in truth, we all dream of it But many times we ignore the responsibilities that this entails We go to marriage, we have children and because we love them, we provide them with everything that we believe will benefit them for the future. Sometimes we don't care how many we have. And we thought: "Why should we worry, if our parents had me and two more brothers and we have been very happy!" But, have you ever wondered if this is really true? Which of the three brothers are you?
THE AGE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BROTHERS COUNTS A LOT
If you were the oldest, the first child your parents had, you will remember very well how they pampered you and showered you with attention. As the first and only daughter of the family, not only her parents, but her uncles, grandparents, cousins and relatives. They paid their attention to you, giving you gifts at all hours, indulging you in almost every whim and giving free rein to your imagination, hoping that you would one day repay all that sacrifice and dedication with a brilliant college career.
It is surprising, if we think that the home where you grew up was the "ideal" home, where you had become the center of attention and where you were constantly stimulated, without having to face any competition for the presence of a younger sibling 0 But what would have happened if, on the contrary, a baby had been born into the family when you were only 3 years old? Don't you think things would have turned out differently?
Can you imagine what it would have been like to share a doll with your younger sister? The insufferable thing to bear that "the smallest or the smallest" receives the gift that you have longed for so much? To which you surely respond to rá: "But that is a monstrosity, that 5 is called 'egoism'." Whatever it is called, sibling rivalry is as common as rivalry between adults, because in fact we behave in the same way we did in childhood, "Man is an animal of cos. Tumbre, "someone once said who knew what they were saying. And therefore, it takes a lot of work to change Well, a married couple has a new baby born, three years after the first one was born.
Three years that represent an abyss in the mental and physical development of children, since at birth, while the new baby is in the oral stage, the child over three years of age is at an age when he is already beginning to socialize with his parents and friends, to develop their curiosity and their creative faculties Since the new baby begins to be gestated in the mother's womb, the eldest son begins to notice that "something" has changed around his family world Without knowing why the The father's center of attention has shifted towards the mother, and that of this towards the child to come Unconsciously the child begins to feel rejected and neglected accordingly, when your brother or her. mana menor is born, it has been feeding for nine months a marked rejection before the arrival of the new "intruder". His field of action is shortened and his importance as an only and favorite child "diminishes considerably.
At first, the new member of the family does not notice the hostile attitude on the part of his older brother. However, as soon as possible. As he enters the period between the ages of one and two, he begins to feel rejection (this is where parents should take steps so that this behavior does not affect the baby's normal mental development). During this phase of the child's development baby, known as phase VI, between the ages of one and two according to author Burton L. White, project director and principal investigator of the preschool project at Harvard University's School of Education, the baby has.
The predominant factors in the baby's behavior at this stage are negativism, lack of sociability as the child barely communicates with his parents, the habit of staring at the o objects, an uncontrollable curiosity to touch everything, and an urge to move erratically During phase VII of infant development between the ages of two and three the child's personality is already much more marked, and if it differs from that of his older brother, the existence of conflicts between siblings will be inevitable.
A very marked characteristic at this stage of child development is intent. sification of the child's social activity: he will look for activities in which to entertain himself and the company of his friends to play dolls if he is a girl, to play rocking horses if he is a boy The boy-If he has had a normal development he will try to manifest himself as it is.
Therefore, he will look for means to express himself, such as an interest in manual work, talking about fantasy topics, a marked interest in television, the development of longevity, an interest in competing with his friends and Above all, a highly developed acumen to get the attention of your elders.
This is where the greatest conflict begins to emerge. If the parents have a preference for the older one, the younger boy or girl will do everything possible to gain the attention of their parents. And if she does not succeed, she will choose to break any object that is within reach of her hand. This will result in a good scolding, which will increase the already incipient antagonism between parents and siblings.
WIN OR LOSE? IT DEPENDS ON THE PARENTS
We have already seen the conflicts that can arise between brothers; Completely normal conflicts, if we take into account that a child is a separate being, that she has her own personality, needs to satisfy, and as she grows up, these needs increase and become more complex. Many times, the traumas that children develop during the first three years of their existence are due to the lack of knowledge that parents have about the changes that are taking place in the psyche of their children. They only consider growth as one size larger shirt, dress or pants that they have to buy for their children.
They do not take into account that the complete and true development of a child involves factors of a psychological order mental and emotional that must be taken into consideration so that the child grows up healthy and balanced, compared to his older siblings, playmates and family. According to the famous Swiss psychologist and pedagogue Jean Piaget in his book "The Psychology of the Child", which he wrote with the collaboration of his friend Babel Inhelder, to ensure the complete mental development of a child it is necessary to take four factors are considered:
1. The first of these is organic growth and especially the maturation of the nervous and endocrine systems. There is no doubt that a certain number of the behavior patterns depend on the correct functioning of these two systems. Although the organic maturation process plays a very important role in mental development, relatively little is known about the conditions that allow the formation of general operating structures. However, it is a necessary factor for the coordinated development of the child.
2. The second factor to consider is the role played by exercises and the experience acquired when playing with objects.
This is a very necessary factor in the development of the baby, including in the formation of logical and mathematical structures.
However, the process is not as simple as it seems, because it is based on two types of experiences:
a) Physical experience, which consists of acting on objects to extract their properties.
b) The logical-mathematical experience, which consists of act on objects in order to gain some knowledge
The experience of part
a)Constitutes an active restructuring, since it supposes a process of assimilation that finally leads to logical-mathematical structures. In experience
b) Knowledge originates from the action itself (which organizes or combines ), and not on objects. The two, as can be seen, are closely related.
3. The third factor is social interaction and transmission. Now the child understands the concept of sociability, and tries to make her individual contribution, and also hopes to receive it from others. The processes of operation and cooperation begin, which require the active assimilation of the child.
4. The normal development of the child as an individual can be ensured only when the three factors that have been previously mentioned have been fully fulfilled. Lity as if there were a predetermined plan, a priori although this is impossible to establish, due to the complexity of the interactions of a psychic and physiological order that take place in the child from birth In the child's development There is no preestablished plan, but a gradual evolution in which each innovation depends on the previous.
In adults, thinking may follow an established pattern, but children do not understand adult thinking until they reconstruct it, and thought is the result of an evolution that has been carried out from generation to generation Children are totally dependent on their parents for their development, especially with regard to their psychological development o and the role they play in the family Parents who lack basic knowledge of child psychology will not be able to succeed in the hard work of counseling. Teach your children to become useful adults to society.
How to do it? Well, with an education appropriate to the temperament and aptitudes of each one of them .. So that both they and we have the upper hand and not the lower.
