Why am I really afraid to fall in love ?, Is it because my heart has been broken in the past? Or it's because I don't dare to start the love thing all over again? Well like they say, you never know the outcome of a thing unless you give it a trial, I can remember my last heartbreak like it was yesterday.

It was few months (not up to 3months) I was running an errand for my grandmother, at the junction where I was buying groceries, I saw this beautiful light skin beauty lady, she was just there standing with her kid sister, immediately I couldn't get my eyes off her, especially her hot legs, lol. I went and made a move on her, while we were talking I discover that she came to refill her gas, so I helped her to carry it to a keke park (tricycle park) and I gave her transport out of my allowance so she could pay for the ride, she thanked me and went her way, that's why I realized that I was running an errand before I met her, I quickly ran back to the market and purchase all the groceries in the list my grandmother gave me. Oh, I forgot to add that I took her contact at the junction tho, that evening I called her and we chatted over the phone before continuing the conversation on WhatsApp, that night when I went to get some chips, It felt like the moon was following me, lol. Not true though, we became very close and she usually calls every evening to check on me, I felt love was true at that moment, cause in my country, girls don't usually call guys especially when you are broke ( when you don't have enough money), it was like a week after knowing her that's when I opened up to her that I like her and I would like us to be very close, she was like we are close friends now, yes I know but I want us to be more than friends, she was like "you want to be my brother or father", we both laugh over it for some minutes, then I took a deep breath and pour out my feelings to her and she was like, I don't do this dating stuff but I'm feeling the same way about you, let's give it a trial, wow I was very happy that night I screamed out loud, many people thought I was insane though, lol. But they won't understand the kind of joy I felt inside of me, I was overwhelmed. We started dating and the energy she was putting in was encouraging for me, she was always there when I called her, she checks up on me, she sometimes brought lunch for me, to be honest, she was someone I never planned on losing not now not in the future.

I have come to realize that most people usually talk bad about their ex after a breakup that him/her is bad at this and bad at that, when you were enjoying the early morning and goodnight love text, you didn't know that he/she was bad when you were calling him/her "baby you are the best thing that has ever happened to me", you didn't know that he/she was bad when you were doing TikTok video of him/her while eating each other lips, you didn't know that he/she was bad, now that you have broken up, you now start to talk bad about them so people will not get close to them, I don't know why most people always like that. I can never do such a thing to my ex, even if she's the cause of the break, cause I know that there was a time I saw her as the best that has ever happened to me, I will only be making fool of myself if I was talking bad about her, one thing about me it's that, ones I know I'm the one at fault, I will admit it and give a sincere apology, so the issue wouldn't escalate into something else.

Let's continued from where I stopped, she was a good listener and also a good adviser, we usually chat a lot in the evening after work, she usually asks me to tell her about my day how it went, some days I had a rough, She will be encouraging me not to give up on my dreams and purpose in life, we did a lot of things together she was my dream lady and I never thought I would be writing this article in tears, remembering the awesome moments with her it's making me completely emotional down, I remember one weekend when I was playing football at my street, she was just there starring at me with a beautiful smile while clapping, she was my number fan although I'm wasn't a celebrity yet.

I know you must be wondering what cause a breakup like this is suppose to be a perfect relationship.

I believe that sometimes no matter how badly we need someone, they still won't be available for us, the break-up wasn't her fault though. It all started when she was about to write WAEC (West Africa Examination Council), she told me she was going to travel to her hometown to write the exam and that she won't be calling me as before, I now said it's fine as long as I won't lose you, we laughed about it and she traveled the upper week, we were chatting on WhatsApp though, but she wasn't always, I reach reaching her phone but it wasn't going, a few days later she called me and said that they are through with the exams and she would be back very soon, I was very happy to the extent I forgot to eat that night, I remember I was always looking at the picture we both took as a couple, my heart was celebrating as if it was Christmas, the week she came she called me and told me that has arrived and she's tired, I told her to get some sleep since it's a long journey. The next day I called her to ask how she was doing, she said she was fine and she would love us to meet, I said okay we can meet at my place, she said no that we should meet at the first junction we first met, I said okay it's fine by me, so she picked a time and we met at the spot, when I saw her I hugged her tightly like the world it's going to end, then we chatted a bit and she said she wanted to tell me something, I said I'm all ears, she now say that she don't know how to break it to me, I asked if she's pregnant, she laughed and said no, what is it that you want to tell me, she said that she don't know think she can continue this any longer, I was like babe what I have done, tell me so I can apologise, she said I didn't do anything, what now it's the issue, she said that she wanted to focus on her studies and God, I was to heart broken and I couldn't hold my tears as a man, I took off immediately with pain in my heart, for weeks I didn't go to work, I was alone in my room, very dark thinking about my life, one day I decided to leave the house and was on my way to purchase some groceries, I saw her younger sister and she greeted me nice, I answered and asked about her sister, she said she was fine, I said okay as I was about to walk away, she called me and told me that, it wasn't her sister idea to breakup with me, that their father persuaded her to break up with me, I was lost in the moment like, why didn't she told me so, she said that she didn't want you to see the father as a bad person, I said okay and we went our separate ways.

Until this very moment, I still can't get her off my head, she has been a big part of me and I don't think I can ever get over her, her hugs, her touch, the way she talks and so many things about her I can't get of my mind so easily. This is the main reason I'm afraid to fall in love, cause I'm tired of starting all over again and again. I think I will give it a rest now.

Thanks for reading my heartbreak experience

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